Thursday, 25 February 2010

Belgian Shocks

I see Nigel Farage's blunt approach to European diplomacy has annoyed the continental grumblesome.

"These English do not have any culture. When one visits museums it is Germans, Spanish, Italians, and French you see. The English 'get more' by asking for beer in low bars. You can recognise an Englishman by his football shirt on prominent paunch. His only reading is The Sun," wrote one Libre Belgique reader on Thursday morning

"The English are cretins, whose arrogance is only equalled by their mediocrity of spirit."
Err ... if we're such a yobbish culture-free country, packed full of arrogant, cretinous, spiritless morons, why do you want to throw your entire political, financial and legal future into the same European cunt soup™ as us?

Listen, Poirot, this is exactly why the idea of a federal EU is so catastrophically ill-advised and therefore doomed to failure. We're all different sets of people, do you see? All with vastly differing cultures and outlooks on life.

So trying to inflict a one-size-fits-all set of rules on all 27 nations is a quite ludicrous exercise. For crying out loud, Yugoslavia couldn't even manage to keep three or four identities under the same flag without it all turning into a big cat fight under a zipped up tent - with guns - so what chance reconciling the current vastly diverse membership of the EU?

We like you when we go to Belgium, just as you like us when you visit here. We like buying cheap stuff, and good chocolate, to bring back from your gaff, just as you enjoy coming here to speak a decent language for a few days and see what a hill looks like.

But once thrown into a culturally eclectic mix of distinctly opposing lifestyles and attitudes, and being told to all get along, we realise we don't really care for you much after all, and you aren't that keen on us either.

Just the fact that you are angry about Farage having a verbal pop at Rumpy is a demonstrable difference in ideology, in itself, which is baffling to us - I mean, if Blair had been elected, and one of yours had roughed him up a bit, we wouldn't have given a monkey's chuff about it.

We're all different, not the same, you see. We are quite fond of our sovereignty, whereas you are quite happy to surrender yours every 40 years or so. Vive la difference, I say, but kindly include us out of a united Europe, it's not something we are keen on, as we pointed out back in the 40s.

And, as the furore generated by Farage proves, it simply isn't going to work in the long run, anyway.

Can we leave yet?

© 'Cunt Soup' is a trademark of The Salted Slug, reproduced with kind permission


Captain Ranty said...

Well said DP.

I'm with you all the way on this.

Dozy bastards.


The Duke of Serutan said...

"Miserable Fat Belgian Bastards. (placard; roar of applause)" -- quote from script for Episode 37 of Monty Python.

Why the Europeans want to join us I cannot imagine. Let us fill the Chunnel with concrete forthwith.

Anonymous said...

^^^^A few mines in the Channel wouldn't hurt either.


Anonymous said...

Two weeks ago I had a few pleasant
Leffes INSIDE a dog rough bar in Flanders having a chat and a smoke
with some Flemish MEN.
Last week I stood OUTSIDE a
Manchester pub having a smoke with
some cringing frightened Brits
Not only candidates for white feathers but as thick as pig shit
to boot.As for Britain saving
tbe belgians from Fritz,pull the other one.Without the barmy bolshys
and fly high Yanks we'de be
having schnitzel for tea.the belgians ,Kreuzants for brekkies.

Pied Piper

timbone said...

Just been watching Question Time, ( I only watch it when people like Nigel Farage and Janet Street Porter are on it). Anyway, this one came up. Jonathan (annoying cretin, the kind I wanted to fight at school, only famous 'cause his dad was) Dimbleby quoted Nigel's remark, which I thought was brilliant. I love Nigel Farage, and he handled the criticism like a 6' wrestler being attacked by Deborah Arnott.

Anonymous said...

The sad thing is, everyone is right in this argument. The British ARE a moronic, uncultured, ignorant, arrogant race. And painfully stupid, too. Couldn't believe Question Time just with all the audience barking like trained seals whenever someone with a red rosette spoke. Truly frightening. It's also true that when you are in a European city you CAN always spot the Brit.... They're the ones wearing sandals, knee-length shorts and have beer bellies, tattoos and shaved heads. Really - you don't even need to hear them speak to know they're English.

But then again, I can say this as I am British. (And English).

If we are indeed so boorish then why, as Dick says, are they so intent on sucking all the money out of us and telling us what to do? We should just pull out and tell them where to go. Admittedly, I may actually prefer most European races to the British but given that, despite the Gorgon's best efforts to ruin our economy, we are still almost single-handedly funding the EU we should just pull back to our X-Factor, Stella and uncontrolled Righteous culture and leave them to it. We'd carry on just the same. They, on the other hand, would be fucked. They need reminding of this.

BTS said...

Timbone, why on earth would you choose to watch anything involving Janet Street Porter..?

I've already broken two television sets because of her.

Just the mention of that name instils such nausea that I have to rinse my mouth out with cat food..

Anonymous said...

Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;
Or close the wall up with our English dead.
In peace there's nothing so becomes a man
As modest stillness and humility:
But when the blast of war blows in our ears,
Then imitate the action of the tiger;

Or in a nutshell we should just tell the EU to fuck off !

Dick Puddlecote said...

Anon @ 00:43: I can't argue with you. In fact, a different title I was toying with for this post was "I'm with the Belgian"