Climate Change: The, Err, Second Biggest Threat To The Planet

The first, it would seem, is consensual sex.

Italy to combat prostitution by cutting trees

For decades, local law enforcement and politicians have struggled to police the Bonifica del Tronto road, a haven for the sex trade that runs inland for more than 10 miles from the Adriatic coast alongside the river Tronto. Over the years, cameras have been installed, raids mounted, 24-hour patrols implemented and the mayors of towns near the road have signed bylaws imposing fines on prostitutes' clients. All to no avail.

At the end of last month, the regional government's public works chief, Angelo Di Paolo, announced that the time had come for drastic measures. He said he had agreed with provincial and municipal representatives to cut down all the vegetation "around and along the banks [of the river Tronto]", in which the prostitutes ply their trade.

Hmmm, that sounds familiar. Yes, I definitely remember something like it earlier this year.

Council chops down 6,000 trees at beauty spot to stop 'doggers'

More than 6,000 trees have been chopped down by a council at a stunning beauty spot - to stop couples having sex in public.

The conifers were felled on the 12 hectare site after it became a hotspot for 'dogging' - where people have sex with strangers while being watched.

Because, you see, climate change is an imminent worldwide catastrophe (we're even going to require another planet to sustain us by 2030), but nothing boils righteous piss quite like people bumping uglies in an unapproved manner.

So, first things first, eh?