Not Planning On A Cruise Anytime Soon, Are You?*

As it's still holiday time ... just.

Nearly half of British cruise passengers want smoking on-board to be banned, Travel Daily News has reported.

According to a survey of 1,271 cruisers, conducted by CruiseCompare.co.uk, 48 per cent were in favour of a total ban on smoking, while 11 per cent there should be a designated smoking area on cruise ships.

When asked why they wanted smoking to be banned, the health implications of passive smoking was the most popular response, given by 37 per cent, while 22 per cent thought that lighting up on a cruise ship was dangerous.

You've got to admit they have a point.

Who can forget the Mary Celeste, deserted by the crew once someone lit a pipe? Remember the RMS Titanic, where thousands died after a cigar interfered with navigational equipment and sent the hull into a bastard of an iceberg? Or, err, all those, err, other maritime disasters caused by tobacco.

CruiseCompare.co.uk managing director, Danielle Fear, commented, “Society seems to have easily adapted to the smoking ban that has made it illegal to smoke in public places such as restaurants, bars and bus stops."

You know, those other places we spend many thousands of pounds and two weeks of our time on without anywhere else to go.

“I can see the logic of spreading this ban across cruise ships; after all, many non-smokers find being around cigarette smoke unpleasant.”

I take it you're not looking to expand your business anytime soon, then, Danielle?

All to please people who simply cannot tolerate others enjoying tobacco, even on a balcony attached to their own cabin where no-one else is allowed to go.

Better muzzle those great big chimneys too, I reckon. Who knows what such gullible, effete flowers might complain about next?

* If you are cruising soon, here's a handy guide to current cruise liner policies (http://www.cruise.co.uk/cruise-guides/smoking-guide/).