Please note that this is from New Zealand and not from The Daily Mash.
Public health researchers say the Government's next step after introducing plain packaging for tobacco should be to make cigarettes ugly by changing them to a dark green or brown colour which made young people think of "slime, vomit or pooh".
A tobacco control lobby group told a parliamentary committee that cigarettes themselves were the "new canvas" for anti-smoking initiatives.
[Researcher and former public health physician Professor Richard Edwards, representing anti-smoking group Aspire2025, said] "Dissuasive sticks would remove the final illusion - the idea that clean white sticks with purposeful but actually useless filters can somehow purify what is an inherently toxic product. They expose cigarettes for what they are."The final illusion? Wasn't 'glitzy' packaging supposed to be that just recently?
With plain packaging, all the sticks were mandated by the Aussie government to be white because brands such as Sobranie Cocktails - which I haven't seen since the 1970s until the prohibitionists reminded us they still exist - are guaranteed to create craving for tobacco in kids, but now white is a dangerous colour too?
Is this an admission that they already know plain packaging in New Zealand will fail just as it has in Australia?
Or does anyone else get the image of a bunch of highly-paid anti-smoking lobbyists, sitting round a table astonished at the gullibility of politicians having legislated their daft ideas in such short order, and desperately trying to come up with something - anything - to extend the life of their grants and salaries?
Incidentally, the 'research' consisted of interviews with a whopping 14 adult social smokers aged 18 to 24, and was led by Janet Hoek. Janet is a botanist, zoologist and Beowulf expert from the Marketing (?) department of New Zealand's Otago University who has - for many years - called for processed food to be treated like it were tobacco.
She likes these kind of tiny sample sizes to reach a pre-determined conclusion, as she proved when presenting a published study of 13 adult social smokers which 'proved' that there was strong support for "extending the smoke-free areas outside bars".
Of course, this was brilliant and sound science, whereas ...
The "science" of e-cigarettes:gushing anecdotes from 11 self-selected vapers. This was actually published ascpjournal.org/content/8/1/5/…
— Simon Chapman (@SimonChapman6) March 8, 2013
Got all that?
So coloured sticks are evil and plain white good when campaigning for plain packaging. But once that's in the bag, plain white is seductive and therefore evil and must be changed to pea, ash, tan or sand colour ... which are good. Meanwhile, sample sizes of 13 and 14 are excellent evidence-based research, whereas 11 is just a joke.
Insane doesn't adequately describe these people any more, does it?
36 comments:
I remember a fad of smoking long, thin, dark brown "More" cigs in the late 70s
I remember a fad of smoking long, thin, dark brown "More" cigs in the late 70s
I fully expect to wake up one morning to find that these maniacs have decreed that e-cigarettes should be shaped like a penis because current designs look too cool. They left self-parody behind a very long time ago.
What? You still held out any hope that these were/are sane people.
'Bark' look quote cool.. so that's my vote. I miss 'Black Russians' (the Sobranie option for manly men).
The least appealing of that lot are 'flesh', which are closest in style to current fags.
A brown colour, what like liquorice rizla
The anti smoking circus seem to be overun with bleating dames and wearisome femmes, plainly manifesting some long standing attitude condition.
It could be a recurring childhood rejection complex or possibly a more recent
failure to consumate a normal relationship. Their need to control overheats an inner well of hatred and ambition to get attention. They rapidly age into ranting witches surrounded by compliant mutant males,unwanted,unloved and despised even by the few friends who tolerate such human derelicts.
A real let down for feminine causes.
Just keep feeding them the rope.
What a great idea, I'll phone my boys.
There is plenty they could do.
They could mandate a nasty flavour additive in all tobacco. They could limit the weight of tobacco in each ready made cigarette. They could mandate a maximum burn time for all cigarettes to limit how many puffs were available. Give me another 5 minutes and I'll dream up more stupidity they could inflict. There is no limit or end for these people!
We are rabid antismokers, i.e., superior beings, and we have a plan to eradicate smoking from the planet. We have thought long and hard and
have determined that cigarette packs are an ingenious, evil© creation by the tobacco industry to lure The Children™ into a life of Nicotine Addiction®. We, therefore, propose that cigarette packs be draped with
medical horror graphics.
Oops. Ahhhhh. We see now. It’s the colour of the packs that’s used by the evil© tobacco industry to lure The Children™. We, therefore, propose that, in addition to medical horror graphics, all packs must be of a dull, greeny-brown colour. This will break the spell of colour exploited by the evil© tobacco industry.
Not quite. We have concluded that it’s the colour of the cigarette itself that’s used by the evil© tobacco industry to lure The Children™. We have a feeling that the evil© tobacco industry also uses tiny print on cigarettes as a means of seduction. We, therefore, propose that all cigarettes be of a dull, greeny-brown colour……. and no tiny printing allowed.
Well, we seem to have underestimated the evilness of the evil© tobacco industry. There is a lure somewhere in there that we haven’t quite identified that the evil© tobacco industry is obviously exploiting. We, therefore, propose that cigarettes – greeny-brown colour and no printing allowed – be sold as loose sticks that must be retrieved from a a used oil barrel containing garbage to be located at point of sale. Purchasers will have only 30 seconds to retrieve as many sticks as they can from the muck. The barrel itself must be rusted over and displaying a prominent symbol of skull and crossbones.
Darn. That evil© tobacco industry is evil©. In order to protect The Children™ from a life of Nicotine Addiction® at the hands of the evil© tobacco industry we, superior beings, propose a complete re-design of
cigarettes. After much careful thought we propose that cigarettes must now have the appearance of dog poo (see below).
evil© – copyright by Tobacco Control
The Children™ – Trademark by Tobacco Control
Nicotine Addiction® – Registered by Tobacco Control
THE ANTISMOKER PATCH™
The latest aid for antismokers. It says, in an understated
way, “I’m a rabid, Narcissistic, neurotic, bigoted antismoker that has no
control over the trash that constantly pours out of my mouth. But I have taken
measures to stem the flow” (see fashion models below).
These antismoking miscreants must have regular belly laughs
at how all too easy it’s been. Come up with any cockamamie, hare-brained, nitwit nonsense and the pollies are stumbling over each other to accommodate: “Oh, how wonderful an idea, your superiornesses. We’ll just go and prepare the ‘canvas’ for you”.
When a rabid antismoker approaches you with the “lecturing”, you can now say – “Have you heard about the antismoker patch…… it goes over the mouth”.
Oh I'm quite sure that they are already mooting the mandatory addition of a chemical to cigarettes that induces immediate vomiting in anyone who attempts to smoke one. They've taken the first step with the so-called fire-retardant rings which (apparently - I've never smoked one) taste awful and make people cough. Only a small step to deliberately poisoning people now.
We have moved beyond parody and beyond sanity. The lunatics that run this particular asylum need to be removed from any position of influence before people really start dying, not from smoking, but as a result of their madcap schemes.
A tardy antismoker modeling the “patch”.
Actually they're quite cool. I'm surprised most rolling paper co's don't sell more coloured/glitzy papers anyway, the possibilities are endless. Same for bog rolls (though shit coloured ones would probably cause grief). As for the deterrence factor, some sweet manufacturers actually make sweets that look like snot, worms etc and label them as such. Kids love 'em of course
BTW, the flesh coloured one is racist (as are all white ones), and the ASH one is basically a shot in the foot.
We all know how to silence the ranters,but smokers being so laid back and
easy going would prefer to wait untill hanging is brought back for the last few
gaspers. Then I suppose we would have a mini protest outside the prison walls offering martyrdom to the condemned.
Oh wait a minute,what's that we hear ," There's nothing we can do"
Oh yes there is,but tickling keyboards aint it ,kapeech.
I would have thought the assumption made that various shades of brown provoke revulsion was a deeply deeply racist concept in itself.
More recently, from Majorca, we have bought Silvanos, which are similar to cigarillos and in various flavours. These are also brown in colour. Candidly, I have no problem with coloured cigarettes, even the suggestions these morons have come up with, after all, it is the enjoyment and pleasure of the tobacco that counts, not the bloody colour!
I liked the Sobrani Black Russians as well as the Cocktail ones, but haven't seen them for years. Probably because it was mainly dedicated tobacconists that sold them and you don't see many of them any more.
About time, just like politicians, that they learned to live in the REAL World and got themselves proper jobs, worthy of a salary, however small, instead of prostituting themselves for the mega bucks they currently receive!
No need to give them ideas - they seem to dream up enough of their own!
Just waiting to see one of Duncan Banatyne, it would have to be an improvement on his normal look!
Great! Do you have a plan?. Do share, so that we can all get
up and get active widja!
The Tobacco Companies could put a real spanner in the works here by bringing out different coloured cigarettes now. If they wanted to avoid the howls of outrage by antis because “the new colours are designed to attract cheeeldren” they could base the colours on these very images and then cite them as the inspiration a lá “we’d never have thought about this if you hadn’t suggested it.” The antis would be stuck securely between a rock and a hard place, then. Not that they (the TC’s that is) would do such a thing – when it comes to the antis, they’re about as compliant and spineless as the pub trade was before the ban … But they could.
As requested.
One seemed to get left out.
....
I’m not familiar with Bannatyne. Is he a local criminal
figure?
You can buy all the Sobranie brands online I just bought 40 Black Russian to take on holiday. Couldn't smoke them all the time but like one after dinner. My local tobacconist used to sell them but it is closed down now. Not surprised, the Black Russian are the only cigarettes I occasionally buy in the UK can't think of anyone now who doesn't either buy abroad or from a white van.
Here's a classic example of the very top tier of the type, Melinda Gates-
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/10852446/Melinda-Gates-You-have-to-let-your-heart-break.html
Note-
"Shortly after their marriage, she left her high-flying job to raise her three children and establish the foundation that has become a template for other billionaire philanthropists."
Thanks for these, much appreciated. As I thought, he looks much better in these pics - probably altogether more palatable now he can't be heard!
Jax has kindly advised more about who he is. He also owns a string of posh gyms and spas.
He is an ex smoker who is now a totally rabid anti smoker and usually extremely vile in his abuse of smokers.
Great idea. You should apply for a job with the TC's, you could earn them and yourself a tidy sum, I would guess.
Yes, because kids just hate yukky things like Garbage Pail Kids, snot sweets and films which involve farting and burping, don't they? It turns them right off. ;)
Sticks?
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