One could almost hear the collective outrage as the BBC screened this story on the evening news tonight.
A health and safety investigation has been launched after a 14-year-old girl suffered burns over 70% of her body using an unstaffed tanning salon.
Oh. My. God. The poor child, won't somebody please etc etc etc.
James Hadley, who owns Lextan, the salon which Kirsty used, said he was operating within the law. No-one was at the salon to prevent her from using the beds or stop her from using the booth for as long as she did.
More righteous tearing out of hair. No-one? The poor child, won't somebody etc etc etc.
Back home in Barry on Thursday, the teenager said she took full responsibility for the fact that she should not have been in the salon because she was under 16.
Oh I see. She shouldn't have been there. There were warnings plastered all over the walls, but she ignored them. Good. Hope she suffers, it'll teach her a valuable lesson for the future. Story over then ...
... or, perhaps not.
But she said there should be more controls on who is using the salons.
Err ... pardon? You're 14! When did you become the authority on such things?
"Teenagers are going to push the boundaries. They are going to do things they should not do."
Yes, and when they get burned by being stupid and disobeying the rules, they learn to their cost that the rules are there for a reason. Life has always been that way. It is a perfect example of the saying "getting one's fingers burned". It is nature's way of using pain to warn us that we're being fucking stupid.
But, hold on again, what's this?
Mrs McRae, a health and safety officer, agreed that her daughter was partly responsible for her condition.
Partly? No partly about it. Entirely is the word I think you were searching for. But then, as a fucking health and safety officer, you are paid to apportion blame to anyone and everyone except those who have messed up, aren't you? This is just an extra-curricular 'mates' rates' job.
But she said there should be much more regulation of the salons.
She said she did not believe, even at 16 that teenagers were mature enough to understand the risks they were taking by using these salons.
Again. If they can read, the risks are explained. If they choose to ignore them? Tough.
It's sad that 'Health and safety officer in calls for more restrictions on tanning shops shocker' is not even raising eyebrows here. If I was a cynical person, I'd be smelling something very fishy about it all.
The Vale of Glamorgan council said it was sorry to hear about the incident and a health and safety investigation was underway at the salon.
"The council is extremely concerned about unmanned tanning salons but there is no current legislation in Wales relating to such premises," said principal environmental health officer Rowan Hughes.
Julie Barratt, director of the Chartered Institute of Environmental Health, said it had been calling for unmanned tanning salons to be banned for some time.
The Welsh Assembly Government said it was concerned that young people under the age of 18 were using such tanning facilities but it did not have the power to introduce regulation of the sunbed industry.
However, a spokeswoman said Health Minister Edwina Hart had asked the Department of Health to tighten regulation of the use of artificial tanning devices.
My! This case was rather handy for quite a few authorities, it appears.
Also for the BBC. The trail had run a bit cold since they reported a similar story just three days after carrying Cancer Research UK's annual crusade against tanning.
Perhaps I'm just being idealistic myself, but it all smacks of more approaching state intervention (which will no doubt be well over the top), helpfully stirred up by Comrade Beeb, resulting in more stifling regulation of business, whilst simultaneously excusing crass stupidity.
