Caller: Hi, a friend gave me this number, I hear you are looking for smokers.
Researcher: That's right, yes. We want to hear from as many as possible.
C: That sounds great! We've been so used to being treated like lepers recently, it's nice to feel wanted.
R: {laughs nervously} Right, err, so can I sign you up?
C: Perhaps. What's it all about.
R: Well, we're conducting research.
C: Into what, exactly.
R: Err, air quality.
C: Oh OK. Sounds interesting. Where do you want me to go?
R: The beauty of it is you don't have to go anywhere, we come to you.
C: My home?
R: That's right.
C: So the air quality you're talking about is the air quality in my home?
R: Yes.
C: And you only want smokers.
R: Yes, just smokers.
C: Hmm, who is the research for?
R: Action on Smoking and Health.
C: ASH, you mean?
R: That's the one.
C: And what is being done with the research?
R: It'll be used to formulate policy.
C: Policy for what?
R: Lobbying the government.
C: About what?
R: Smokefree homes.
C: {long pause} Right. Let's get this straight. You want lots of smokers so you can come round to our homes, full of smiles, and research the air quality in our homes. You'll then give the research to an anti-smoking organisation, who will play around with it, make it look like we are killing our families, then lobby the government to bring in a law which makes it illegal to smoke on my own property?
R: Yep, you got it.
C: Oh I see. When do you want to come round?
Nah. That conversation could never happen ... could it?
UPDATE: Grandad over at Head Rambles is wondering why this UK research is apparently being funded by the Irish Environmental Protection Agency. Now, we know that ASH have been granted £500k of Big Lottery money for this very purpose with the same university, so why would the Irish be getting involved? Can anyone shed any light?
UPDATE 2: Leg Iron gently alludes to another query. Will these researchers be fully CRB checked before gaining access to your home, and by filthy implication these days, your kids?
G'wan, any readers from Scotland want to volunteer and report back?
