- Hammering nails through your body
- Hanging from chains via piercings in your nipples
- Charging yourself with 300,000 volts and firing lightning from your fingertips
- Dragging a hoover around with your cock
- Swallowing a revolving electric drill
- Eating smashed lightbulbs
- Staple-gunning playing cards to your face
- Rectally inserting a fluorescent tube
- Smoking a cigarette
Aw shucks, you guessed it.
The Circus of Horrors, which began life at Glastonbury 15 years ago, said today it was locked in a battle with officials at the Corn Exhange, in King's Lynn, after being asked to provide a risk assessment for performers smoking on stage in order that an exemption could be sought from the council's health and safety and licensing departments.Good grief.
[The show's ringmaster, John Haze said,] "To be honest, it seemed a bit stupid that we had to provide a risk assessment, given all the stuff we do. We had to do an assessment on how you light it and how you put it out. It just seems mad that they are going on about a tiny thing like smoking."
Keep cutting, Osborne and chums - as you can see, there's plenty of public sector flab still to be trimmed.