Friday, 21 January 2011

There's A Dick In The Kitchen

I've noticed that some bloggers post the odd recipe, so it's only fair that I share my extensive culinary skills too. As such, here's a formerly deadly secret Puddlecote family formula for you to try.

Spam and Bean Pie

Serves 4


1 tin of spam
2 cans of baked beans
1 bag of short crust pastry mix

1) In a shallow oven-proof dish, slice the spam with some kind of knife.

2) Carefully pour in the beans, remembering first to open the cans.

3) Now, this is the tricky bit. Get someone who knows what she is doing to make the pastry and spread it over your lovingly-crafted filling.

4) Put it in the oven

5) Check 10 minutes later and realise that you forgot to turn the bloody oven on.

6) Turn oven on and bake for about 20 minutes at 200°c (gas mark something or other).

7) 20 minutes later, remove from the oven and serve with Smash or more beans.

8) Two hours later, notice that the oven is still on and turn it off.


Move over Delia, there's a new kid in town.


Captain Ranty said...

My heart leapt when I saw that you had offered a recipe.

Then I read all that complicated shit and now I am sorely disappointed.

Please. No more Cor Don Blur. Just simple stuff, m'kay?


Sir Henry Morgan said...

Hahahahahahahahaha Oh fk that was good - especially the last sentence.

Anonymous said...

Much improved by the inclusion of parsnips ;)


PT Barnum said...

Nothing is improved by the inclusion of parsnips, except arguably the compost bin. Especially not pasta sauce. Ugh! Gawd love 'er, she has weird tastes.....

Dick Puddlecote said...

Parsnips? I was more thinking of gherkins for S&B Pie v.2.0

Captain: Yes, I admit I was aiming high, I should have started with my 'Beans sur pain grillé' first.

Sir Henry: Don't know why you're laughing, I fully intend to take the cooking world by storm. ;)

subrosa said...

Justrol frozen pastry Dick. No excuse them. You don't even get your hands dirty.

What this about 'get someone who knows what SHE'S doing'. Rather sexist naw? In fact the best pastry chef I ever worked with was male. Lovely pastry hands he had. It's all in the hands you see. ;)

Anonymous said...

I hope your not taking the piss. I had spam and baked beans last night, no posey pastry for me.
I also have a passion for those steak and kidney pies that come already made in a tin and you only have to master the tin opener.

JuliaM said...

I only read as far as the word 'spam'.

JuliaM said...

"It's all in the hands you see. ;)"

Very true! 'Cold hands, warm heart' should be 'Cold hands, great pastry chef'.

Antipholus Papps said...

those steak and kidney pies that come already made in a tin

And when you've eaten the pie, the tin makes a perfectly serviceable ashtray! Top!

Malcolm Stevas said...

Sorry Dick, ace bloke though you are, this recipe is disgusting - reminds me of boarding school. Anyone who can read, can cook - try to think a little outside the box in which the spam & beans came...

Anonymous said...

We did the same recipe only it was weiners instead of spam for the meat and you'd bake it in the oven with the beans, but didn't use the crust. (Oops, I guess that makes not quite the "same" recipe then - but it did have the beans - and it required baking - so that's something the same.) Nice recipe, makes me nostalgic.

Dick Puddlecote said...

Sorry you didn't lke it, Malcolm, I thought I'd ladelled in (see what I did there?) enough self-deprecatory irony for it to be understood as a fun piece. {whisper} I can actually cook quite well. ;)

Julia: Nothing wrong with spam, ever tried shallow frying over a high heat on Sunday mornings when you have no bacon in the fridge? Take it out when crusty on the outside. Lovely. ;)

Dick Puddlecote said...

Anon: Excellent! :)

Dick Puddlecote said...

Subrosa: If Mrs P would just let me get my hands on the rolling pin ... ;)

selsey.steve said...

Spam fritters!

Anonymous said...

Those pies and puddings in a tin are a danger.
You are supposed to pierce the tin and stand in boiling water for 10 minutes.
Fucking painful.

Dick Puddlecote said...

Anon, that made me laugh so loud I got daggers from Mrs P. :)