Cringe-Worthy Things Prohibitionists Do In Their Spare Time

Delingpole reckons he's found the most toe-curling righteous frivolity ever witnessed, in the recently released "Climategate 2.0" e-mails.

He warns you to "hold onto your stomachs real tight boys and girls" for a narcissistic re-working of The First Noel after Al Gore and the IPCC won the Nobel Peace Prize.

Yeah, it's pretty horrific.

I've seen worse, though. Here's tobacco control Australia - smoke hater-in-Chief Simon Chapman front and centre - with their tongues musically massaging Health Minister Nicola Roxon's back passage.

(Warning: This is truly hideous, so the lyrics are transcribed below for the squeamish ... or those who may have just eaten)

[spoken] Is she really gonna do it?

Well there she is, let’s ask her.

Nicola, is that a plain packet you’re holding?

Mm-hmm

Gee, it must be great making health history

Let’s see, is it brand names only?

Mm-hmm

By the way, love the health warnings.

[sung] We saw her on our TV screens
The smartest Health Minister we’d ever seen
That’s why we fell for
The leader of the pack

David Crow* was always putting her down (down, down)
He said no evidence could be found (he said no evidence could be found)
But she knew that smoke was bad
And that the packet was just an ad
That’s why she became – the leader of the pack

One day the PM said “Find something new”
Her Task Force said “this’ll make em spew” (Her Task Force said-that-they-would-spew)
She stood there at the parliament door
And said “It ain’t been done before”
So I’m gonna be – the leader of the pack

[spoken] She sort of smiled and launched the packs
Crowie’s tears were beginning to show
As he walked away from his unforgettable press conference
Journalists begged him to keep the comedy coming
But whether he heard, we’ll never know

(Look out! Look out! Look out! Look out!)

She felt so threatened, what could she do? (do, do, do)
When big tobacco said we’ll sue
But now the public all stop and stare
‘Cause Nicola had the guts to care
We’ll never forget her, the leader of the pack

The leader of the pack, the medals winner

The leader of the pack, Philip Morris’ ruined dinner

The leader of the pack, BAT heading for zero

The leader of the pack, public health hero

*of British American Tobacco

Sorry, James, your discovery may well be stomach-churning, but anti-smokers - as in every other line of activity they indulge in - have no equal in plumbing the depths of vomit-inducing obscenity.

Must try harder.