Wednesday 21 March 2012

Just Stop With The Patronising Pretence, Already

Sorry, but when did the phrase "lies, damned lies and statistics" cease to be valid?

The fallout from today's budget has resulted in 'experts' swarming all over the text to contest some of Osborne's claims. Even Osborne himself was vague at the despatch box over, for example, the £100 million figure for the 50p tax rate.

"It raises at most a fraction of what we were told, and it may raise nothing at all."

The Guardian naturally disagrees with his assertion that proposals today would raise five times the amount with new taxes, while I'm sure Tory sites will be fully of the opinion that his sums are correct. In truth, nobody really knows.

Just like Osborne was waggling his todger in the wind in predicting 2.5% growth for 2012 last year, as he was to admit today with the OBR's assessment that it will actually be in the region of 0.8%.

Look. We're not stupid. While political commentators get into a frenzy about all this statistical overload and oracle gazing, the rest of us are quite understanding about it all. Osborne has to satisfy the Tory core vote - with a nod to Lib Dems with the £9,205 personal allowance - while Miliband is forced to act, as he did in rebuttal, the yah-boo-sucks immature schoolboy to cultivate a faux class war to regain union trust and impress the more puerile demographic in his party's heartlands.

One says the budget acts to save money for the less well off, the other says it is punishing them. The vast majority of the public wouldn't know who is telling the truth, nor does the statistics bun fight make them any the wiser.

They do know, however, what each party stands for and would actually - just on the odd occasion - wish that they COULD BE FUCKING HONEST.

For those jewel thieves who have lost the will to live at this point, let's drop a similar example in. Today, tobacco controllers were having orgasms over this article detailing a study which only comprised a mere 6 respondents. This, they trumpeted, means that tobacco companies are corrupt and their assertions nothing but lies.

Yet just last month, they themselves were also coming in their pants at the revelation that just 13 kids had 'proven' outdoor smoking bans to be the best thing in the world. Ever.

Just stop with the patronising pretence, for crying out loud!

Osborne, you want to gain votes by bribing those your focus groups have identified as amenable. Stop pulling figures out of your arse to pretend you're being progressive, you're not convincing anyone. Miliband, stop appealing to the middle class as if you're their friend, using your own sympathetic stats to do it. You're not. We know that, and you sure as shit do too

We're bored with statistics. We're bored with people pretending that they are anything but the natural self-interested beings that we all are. Just admit that you want what you ideologically want, and leave the bent statistics alone.

They are a major part of the problem we now find ourselves in, you irresponsible, immature, economy-wrecking, selfish, liberty-destroying, career-massaging bastards.

For once, I actually crave the soma of mind-numbing TV after reading the crap of today. That, or a lie-down in a darkened room, white noise would even feel comforting by comparison.


15 comments:

Mark Wadsworth said...

That's a fair summary. It's more Indian Bicycle Marketing. Without the flair.

Curmudgeon said...

I hardly think screwing pensioners with small private pensions, and hard-working people earning just over £40k, is satisfying the core Tory vote. Likewise failing to scrap the fuel duty rise. Even as a piece of politics it seems misconceived.

Dick_Puddlecote said...

Well, I tried to explain to Mr P Snr (a died-in-the-wool Tory and pensioner) that he wouldn't be as well off as he might have been with the freezing of the allowance. He just shrugged and said "so?". I think the £10bn extra welfare cuts puts such people in a position where they reckon it's acceptable. Either that, or they see that they're not physically losing out so don't worry too much, I dunno.

The fuel duty rise was cleverly worded so most won't see the problem and, for Tories used to tax increases I can see that it almost looks like a respite. Plus, 90% of the budget was leaked, and the lack of fuel duty relief was signalled well in advance. Osborne also played on party allegiance by saying that their plans made motorists better off than the outrageous increases planned under Labour.

The £40k thing? That's going to kick Guardianistas right in the bollocks. ;)

Corporation tax giveaways, a tax cut by way of allowances, and all the other gubbins just massaged it along. 

I'll stand by the above. They're not daft, and Osborne delivered a budget to generally please his core vote (as researched extensively by focus group no doubt). 

Sam Duncan said...

To misquote Larry Oliver* (or was it John Gingold*?), “Why not just try conservatism, dear boy? It's so much easier.”

*Yes, I know. So much for humour.

Richard Carey said...

 It was Larry in 'Marathon Man', I believe.

Dick_Puddlecote said...

As if to prove the point, the first two callers on 5Live's phone in were a woman who voted Tory in 2010 who was extremely unhappy with the budget, but would vote Tory again next time. And a 68 year old pensioner who was thrilled with it, kept saying 'yippee!'. 

MrVeryAngry said...

What to add? Tiem for a genuine revolution?

Jay said...

You know, every time I see Ed Miliband's face, it makes me want to kill kittens.  Oh, but when he speaks... well, you can imagine... dolphins, whales, polar bears and pandas are all fair game.

You know, it really doesn't matter which party you vote for -- Labour, Conservatives, Lib Dems -- there is almost no perceivable difference between them.  They all act like ill-behaved, undisciplined children while in office, taking every opportunity to snipe at each other, to contradict each other...  They are all more interested in grooming their egos than actually keeping this country running.  They certainly do not care about the people in this country.  For if they did, they would get to work and stop bitching all the time.

Anyway, what this new budget has ensured is that I will go to great pains to get my rolling tobacco in another EU country.  We've been thinking about going to Bruges for a break anyway.  Not paying UK duty on the tobacco products will be my way of giving the government two fingers.  Who knows? Maybe we'll like Belgium enough to move there -- that way I can be closer to the EU Parliament, where there are even more moronic children who can't get along...

Dick_Puddlecote said...

"what this new budget has ensured is that I will go to great pains to get my rolling tobacco in another EU country."

Great news in Puddlecoteville! Our milkman says he isn't putting the price of his Belgian tobacco up following yesterday's budget. ;)

Davidbun said...

Canny decision. It'll make his non dairy product even more desirable.  

Bayard said...

"You know, every time I see Ed Miliband's face, it makes me want to kill kittens"
Is it just me, or does anyone else get the impression when either Dave, Ed or Nick is speaking, they are just repeating what they've been told to say by someone else?

Jay said...

I wonder if our local milkman has diversified his product offerings?  Must find out...

Jay said...

 http://tinyurl.com/7kbay8h

http://tinyurl.com/7pblbp6

Bayard said...

 Yup, that what it seems like.

John hillan baker said...

I've just found out that there is a supplier of tobacco products right here in our block so the chancellor can stick his 37p rise right up his arse...and I don't even have to leave the building to get a cheap supply of baccy...I can't fall off!