Biting And Chewing: Entirely Different Skills

Could the Righteous have chomped on more than they can digest?

Play games and die!

A new Department of Health advert shows a child holding what appears to be a PlayStation 3 Sixaxis pad and bears the unequivocal warning “RISK AN EARLY DEATH. JUST DO NOTHING”. Shocked? You surely should be…

Further cementing the apparent link between videogames and a premature demise - i.e. yours! - the ad is backed by the heavyweight likes of The British Heart Foundation, Cancer Research and Diabetes UK. So there must be something in it, right?

Err ... no? They are always there, they're a collection of ludicrous bansturbating fucknuts. If they said that today is Tuesday, I'd check the fucking calendar first.

Nope. Games, in spite of the great strides the industry has made to get its consumers, singing, dancing, exercising and flexing their grey matter, are an easy target, plain and simple.

You're learning quick. Welcome to our world. One day, CAMRA might join in too.

And now it appears playing them could lead to some properly life-threatening diseases!

Of course it won't. And they probably won't need to say much more for now, you know why? Because it's been published. It doesn't need to be justified anymore. It is, as we speak, flying around the world quicker than the International Space Station. Parents will already be clipping their kids' ears and telling them that if they get their Nintendo DS out, they will get cancer.

It's how it works, this science by press release stuff.

The UK games industry has rallied to its own defence, with trade magazine MCV lodging an official complaint to the Advertising Standards Authority, and Sony stating that they are considering legal action, but it remains to be seen whether it’ll change any deeper-held prejudices. Put another way, we doubt it’s the last time we’ll see games scapegoated like this.

That's more like it! First whiff of a threat from these fuckers, and immediate action. Let's see how the fucktard who thought this campaign up will cope with a multi-national like Sony, or Nintendo, or both in cahoots, shoving some huge legal books up their smug puritan backside.

This could be fun.