The 8 year old Dick Puddlecote was a good boy. Back in the 70s, right was distinguishable from wrong for most kids, as the education system worked then. My first attempt at miscreancy was slow in the making and only materialised in the second year of the annual Puddlecote family jaunt down to the Isle of Thanet.
As kids were expected to run around in the sunshine back then (even Atari was still a twinkle in some Jap boffin's eye), us holidaying kids used to dare each other to run through the gardens of an old people's home, the back gate of which was forever open. It was so dangerous to us that it was a naughty fantasy until a daredevil 10 year old from Scunthorpe turned up in the second of our two weeks and said he was brave enough to try. It was only the day before we left that he actually plucked up the courage to do so. It wasn't brazen, it wasn't bold, in fact, he was a blur as he ran like Hasely Crawford for approximately 10 seconds around the grounds and back again. Boy were we impressed though. He hadn't been clipped round the ear, in fact, no-one had turned a hair.
Emboldened, one by one we all tried it too. Having gotten away with what we considered the kids' equivalent of anarchy, we became more daring, pushing the boundaries until, an hour before we were due to leave, we were doing one last conga in and out of the statue-like oldies, singing Disco Duck.
If that first northern kid had been twatted with a copy of the Thanet Times the moment he set foot in there, we'd have slunk back to the hotel in terror. The fact it never came ensured that we took the piss.
This Labour government, lounging around doing fuck all while single issue lunatics make hay, is seeing piss-taking on an unprecedented scale from those who should be slapped round the face and told to get a life. The minority righteous have gained so much courage from those that have gone before them that they feel any nutty cause can be tackled with Brown and his government of the incredibly untalented.
The latest sheer affront to tolerance and appreciation of differing lifestyles is Andrew Tyler of Animal Aid, who wants angling banned for the sake of the poor fish.
Andrew Tyler, director of animal rights group Animal Aid, said: 'Fish are probably the most abused group of animals in our culture. Fishing is seen as a poetic, meditative practice, but it's barbaric, cruel and should be banned. How much more research do they need?'
These swivel-eyed dickheads are swarming out of the woodwork since they have seen Labour to be an easy touch.
The hunting ban, smoking ban, and the continued pressure (which will result in bans sooner or later) on alcohol and fatty foods under this government, have shown them the way. They have run around the Labour garden, gotten away with it, and invited their fruitcake friends to try their luck too.
The unthinkable is actually possible when engaging with a government who possess the idealistic fantasies of Rick from The Young Ones, coupled with the numb-headed pragmatism of ... Rick from The Young Ones.
The response, of course, is normally docile people raring up and fighting against the minorities who are ruining community and respect for the lives of others (the more mature Puddlecote could be considered in that category). A nation divided like a convoluted Venn diagram of who agrees with one or assorted bans but not with others. This quite clearly doesn't work. You either stand up to all of them or just give in and wait for what you personally enjoy to be ripped away from you.
The seat belt enforcement of 1983 may have only been a dim green light, but the gathering of righteous pace since then has been cranked up exponentially since 1997 and then taken to extremes once Blair was out of the way.
This country is being ripped apart by single issue nutcases and, to paraphrase H.G. Wells, there seems to be no one or anything left now to fight them. Britain belongs to the Righteous.
It's time it was stopped. It's time the tiny minorities like Animal Aid (and they are tiny) were told to fuck off. Alcohol Concern is merely 16 people, yet they are being listened to, and dictating government policy to 61 million people. ASH are a paltry 9 people, yet have wrought untold damage on the hospitality industry via their pharmaceutical paymasters. Animal Aid are even smaller than that, yet, between stroking hamsters and avoiding stepping on snails, they have managed such feats as:
Stopped Focus DIY, Wyevale and Henley-in-Arden market from selling pets
Never mind that people might wish to buy them.
Stopped Oxford City Council introducing horse-drawn carriages
Never mind that people might like to ride on one, and despite the fact that horses have been utilised in this way for millenia.
Persuaded Asda, Morrison’s, Sainsbury, Somerfield, Waitrose, Co-op and Tesco to stop advertising pets for sale on their noticeboards
Never mind that unsold kitties and puppies might end up being put down for not being found a decent home.
And, as one might expect, with full backing from Labour, to train the upcoming intake of righteous.
Speak in around 300 schools each year
Now they have anglers in their sights. I hate to say I told you so, but if you enjoy fishing and you have nodded your head in agreement over any of the previous examples of bansturbation, remember that you are partly to blame.
Beer lovers thought they were too big to be tackled in comparison to others who have been caught in Labour's cross-hair, they are rapidly finding out that they were wrong.
Fight every call for illiberal bans, whether you are personally happy with them or not, and you may have a chance of your particular pastime avoiding curtailment. Encourage the shrill righteous minority, or even appease them, and you will be screwed.
Labour have encouraged, by indolence, this division of people. Highly-funded righteous versus grass roots reaction. The result is state-approved hatred and a degradation of community in favour of selfishness and intolerance.
Still, at least the fish may be happy soon ... not that they will remember it for long.