... and no doubt more money for themselves.
Immediately after slug-eyes had financially shafted us anally into the middle of next week (or, more accurately, the next decade or two), the bleating from the fake charities started. Apparently, he didn't tax us, or spend, enough!
Don Shenker, chief executive of Alcohol Concern: "Over the past 20 years successive governments stood by as alcohol became progressively more affordable... The burden on our health service and police forces is unacceptable.
"Unacceptable", a word favoured by arrogant wankrags. Red mist-o-meter high already (those of a nervous disposition, navigate away now**).
Alcohol misuse costs our economy around £25bn per year.
No it doesn't. As is customary, there is no justification for this claim, but it will pass into common parlance in internet chatrooms and maiden aunt coffee mornings up and down the country. It's how they work, the professionally righteous.
Alcohol use may well cost that to the country, but alcohol use also brings lucrative benefits which Shenker will always choose to ignore as they far outweigh the cost that he wishes to emphasize.
Having sown the lie, 'Hand Shandy' Shenker then pushes for, wait for it, more taxes, more pressure on businesses, and increased costs for consumers.
"Increasing tax on alcohol would be a positive first step towards tackling this country’s alcohol problems. But supermarkets should not be allowed to absorb duty increases and continue to deep discount and sell alcohol at a loss - introducing a minimum price for alcohol will allow pubs and bars to compete on a level playing field."
Bollocks. Increasing tax on alcohol will obviously push the trade abroad, supermarkets should be allowed to do as they see fit for their business, introducing a minimum price for alcohol will merely hit those on a budget and won't help pubs in any way whatsoever (it's also contrary to EU law and won't be allowed, but don't let that get in the way of a good temperance fantasy Don, you cock).
If Shenker really cared about the finances of the country (which, trust me, he doesn't), he could do something truly positive instead of attempting to drive consumers to other countries. I have a suggestion.
Don. Mate. Sack yourself, and the other 16 hectoring cunts that work with you, close down the office that you infest with your bile, and save the nation over £500k per year. Then apply for a job that adds to the UK's wealth instead of detracting from it. That or hang yourself from the nearest tree, your choice.
The pulchritudinally-challenged hag from ASH was even more shrill and ridiculous.
Deborah Arnott, chief executive of Ash: “This inflation-only tax rise will do little to reduce smoking and the impact will be lessened further by the continuing problem of tobacco smuggling. The Government’s new strategy announced last year needs to be underpinned by tough new targets to reduce the market share of smuggled tobacco."
Aww bless. Debbie believes sin taxes are designed to make people stop doing something. I take it, then, that she also believes that increasing income tax to 50% on those earning over £150,000pa is designed to stop people working hard. Debs, you're a bit fucking stupid, aren't you?
More draconian taxation isn't enough for the hideous mare, though, she wants more spending too. Tackling tobacco smuggling is going to be expensive. It takes the enlisting of extra manpower and increased surveillance, patrols, technology (repeat to fade). Funnily enough, a drop in taxes would reduce smuggling. But Debs wants it all. She's the kid who wants their pocket money for not putting the bins out.
Talking of pocket money, Debs, can we have the £200k your lot take from the public purse every year? The country could really do with it. We could use it to employ a few customs officers or something. Or perhaps to invest in people who help us to be prosperous, instead of ones who spend our money being a right royal pain in the arse.
If you are looking for some rope like I hope Don Skanker is, just drop me a line, I can help there too, you relentlessly obnoxious turd.
** you know who you are, my Wigan friends