Still, it's one of those nights when we Puddlecotes buy in a massive pizza and marvel at a pan-European spectacle. Well, the kids do anyway, I just judge which singer has the best legs.
Unfortunately, the marking has become a bit of a procession in recent competitions, as I remarked upon, satirically, last year.
Europe was last night celebrating as the entire continent doubled their money.On that basis, it's got to be worth a lazy score on the 2010 favourite, this sassy 17 year old from Azerbaijan. 11/4 at Billy Hills will do for me.
After two consecutive years of the bookies' favourite walking the Eurovision Song Contest, everyone west of Palestine wised up and filled their boots by voting for who they had backed on border-free online betting sites.
Mehmet Erdogan from Istanbul enthused, "As I not able vote for Turkiye, I vote before for Germany where my brother build houses. Why? He never thank me. This year I take double money Asda price on Bet365, put all bank on Norway, and vote it. Like taking candy from baby."
Dave Smarmy of Reading, UK, thought long and hard before ringing 20 times at 15p per shot, "I weighed up my options carefully.", he revealed, "Do I waste my phone call on judging the songs on their merits? Or do I just see who the bookies favour, tell my mates in the office, prior to the event, that Norway are going to win and I've got my kids' savings on them, then boast about how brilliant and wealthy I am on Monday morning? It's a no-brainer really, isn't it? It's like backing the favourite in the Grand National and then being able to choose who wins".
As champagne corks popped from Riga to Cadiz, betting firms were planning their strategy for 2010.
"We've had a conflab and know how to beat Europe's cheating next year.", insisted Gary Camelcoat of William Hill, "We'll install Israel at odds on next time out. No-one likes them and unless they sing about polar bears like in the 70s or choose another gender bender, we'll suck the stakes up like a Dyson. Hahahaha."
Upon being reminded that those who bet are the judges, Mr Camelcoat responded, "Oh crap! Forgot about that."
If you're tuning in yourself, drop any observations in the comments - I'll be around. Safura is on first.