Sunday, 27 June 2010

World Cup Safety Advice - Heart Stopper Edition

Please place me firmly on the naughty step. Oh yes, and thwow me to the floor ... vewy roughly.

Because, you see, I said this.

Even the righteous have trouble imposing their morals on us during World Cups [...]
Of course, in my defence I did append a disclaimer.

[...] although this could be a test case for their increased powers so one never knows.
Well, I think we know now, don't we? You were warned before the Algeria game, so if you ignored the advice you only have yourself to blame.

Watching the World Cup on television could increase the risk of dying from heart disease, scientists have warned.

The Medical Research Council (MRC) research, published in the International Journal of Epidemiology, found 373 of the group - one in 35 - died from heart disease over a ten-year period.
So if it goes to extra time ...


Enjoy the match you walking sitting corpses, you.


12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Is this why my newspaper's TV listings for today list the schedule IF the world cup is shown (or has there been some broadcasting row that I don't know about)?

Jay

Chuckles said...

It's worse than we thought, 100% of the people who watch the world cup, will die of something.

TheBigYin said...

Yes, yes, yes Puddlecote, that's all very well said and all but you failed to take into account the likes of Mrs. Puddlecote, it's all you, you you and your health, isn't it:


"Yes, soccer is a thing that they take seriously some places. To that end, a British professor is urging women to have a plan in place in case their partners turn abusive after the inevitable England loss.

Government statistics show a 25 percent increase in abuse reports on the days England played in the 2006 World Cup. Expecting something similar, a specialist in domestic violence at Royal Holloway, University of London, urges women to be prepared for the possibility, and to know what to do in case it happens..."


Right I'm off to prepare for the match this afternoon. I've got lagers cooling nicely and under the threat of a beating Mrs. Yin has made me up some BLT's (have to watch my health so that's why the letuce and tomatto are in there.)

One thing I don't understand though is why the wife is dressed, head to toe, like a roman gladiator?

Dick Puddlecote said...

Nice one, TBY. :-)

Leg-iron said...

Phew. Luckily I'm not interested in the World Cup.

I'll only be smoking and possibly drinking. Far safer.

Captain Haddock said...

Does the result mean that there will be mass suicides overnight .. and that the roads will be unusually clear tomorrow ?

Anonymous said...

I seem to remember a Private Eye cartoon of a player being booked. The caption read:

'Come off it,Ref. I hit my wife harder than that!'

Dick Puddlecote said...

Haddock: I went to the Co-op earlier (bout 9) and there was some poor sap still sitting outside the pub with his head in his hands. I doubt he's been so depressed since they jailed Deidre Barlow.

While a cosseted public don't understand what is really important, suicides can't be ruled out. ;-)

Anon: I had a piece partly written in my head on how football proves authoritarianism doesn't work. One small piece was a reference to Private Eye. I was umm-ing and aah-ing as to whether it was worth it.

Today gives additional material. Perhaps I'll write it after all.

Jonathan Miller said...

Matches of lesser import can also have this effect: http://www.oxfordmail.co.uk/news/8180201.United_fan_has_heart_attack_at_final_whistle/

The answer is to ban football.

Anonymous said...

OK so the bloody Huns are better than the English at football,
so what ,who cares ,we still have a
world class smoking ban ten times
better than Germany,Argentina ,Brazil
and Spain combined

Comment on coincidence from the
Cuckoos Nest

Nations with comprehensive smoking bans, England,USA,New Zealand,
Australia,France,Italy and non qulifiers like Finland,Norway,Sweden,Turkey
have failed miserably
but
Nations without a firm policy.
Germany,Holland,Argentina,Brazil,
Chile,Japan,Slovakia,Spain and Portugal have had a good tournament

Maybe I am just becoming paranoic.


Gothic Secure Unit
Pennine Isolation Area

banned said...

So if I don't watch telly for 4 hours a day does that lessen my chances of a heart attack by 28%?

Great, let's go for it and not watch the box for 6 hours, fantastic, survival rate enhanced 42%, brilliant.

Mrs Rigby said...

Oh no! Mr R makes me watch football on the television, and he made me listen to those vuvuzela things. He's given me heart disease, and tinnitus. He's as bad as a dirty filthy smoker.