Jelly Crazies

Sigh. Sometimes, the hyper-miserable nature of those whose focus is solely on pristine health - to the exclusion of even meagre pleasures - surprises even a hardened righteous-watcher like me.

The little Puddlecotes, since first entering the national child indoctrination programme school, have customarily celebrated classmates' birthdays with treats provided by the birthday boy/girl. Nothing special, just a small token to lift that particular day above the mundane.

A regular favourite has always been mini bags of Haribo jelly bears, starmix, or cola bottles. At just 10p a bag, the class is covered for the small outlay of £2-£3 to the parent - well worth it for the smiles which come with the giving and receiving of them.

Unfortunately, at the boy's school, they've just been banned. As have other regulars such as homemade cakes and snack size chocolate bars.

The Haribo bags weigh just 16g and probably contain about 10 tiny jelly sweets at an estimate, enough to keep a kid chewing for about 3 minutes at most. The 68 calories Google tells me they contain is probably run off between the school gates and the car, or part-walk/part-rampage home.

The school have, however, suggested alternatives. The kids could instead bring in bouncy balls as gifts, they say, or stretchy plastic snakes "which only cost around 50p", as his teacher put it. How very helpful, eh?

It's his birthday next month, so I asked him what he was going to do when that day comes around? "I don't think I'll bother", he glumly replied.

I think he's learned something valuable about the health crazies today.