Wednesday, 9 March 2011

Time To Make All Cars In White

What a wonderful world it would be

I've had something of an epiphany. The scales have fallen from my eyes and I realise that a perfectly risk free existence is the only way forward. And you know what did it for me? A pink Escort Cabriolet, that's what.

It wasn't just pink inside, either, the steering wheel was pink (and fluffy!), as were the seat belts and most of the collection of soft toys filling every space on the parcel shelf and dash.

Doesn't the driver understand that this isn't a toy? it's a one ton killing machine, goddamit! Garish colours are encouraging the young to take up driving cars which contributes to this awful death toll, it must be stopped.

In fact, it's worse than just the real life deaths, take time to think about the millions who will die in the upcoming holocaust if emissions aren't drastically reduced! I mean, won't somebody please think of the children?

We must denormalise driving in the eyes of young people, it's the only way to prevent future road deaths and save the planet.

Making cars in just the one plain colour will take away much of the lustre associated with this dangerous habit. Getting rid of pink, red, green cars - or any other colour come to that - will go a long way to achieving that. Go faster stripes should be banned too, along with shiny alloy wheels and ... oh why not, stereo systems.

Not only that, those fancy logos have to go, too. Prancing horses, roaring lions, iconic lettering, all designed to promote driving as 'cool' to the young. What's more, they keep coming up with funky designs too. Car shapes which look like a woman's bottom, sassy wings, little cars that can park sideways, sunroofs as standard, multi-coloured seats - you name it, the evil motor industry have tried it. If we really must have cars at all, they should be a basic shape, functional and nothing else.

Yes, the motor industry will try to tell you that youngsters aren't attracted to driving because of colouring, sleek lines, and logo design; that they are merely competing with other brands; but their business relies on recruiting young people to replace old motorists who die. They spend billions every year on making car use attractive in order to entice the young into an evil mode of transport which will end up killing thousands of its users, not to mention the millions who will be slaughtered by passive motoring inhalation, and damage to the environment.

We need to encourage kids to take buses and refrain from starting to drive; making all cars one bland colour, in one design (with plain type to identify the manufacturer), and eradicating flashy logos, will go a long way to achieving this.

Granted, there's no evidence that it will actually work, but I think it might so that's good enough. If we get in quickly we can even claim to be the first country in the world to take such a bold step - how great is that!

For a better, risk free, future, it's vital that we make all cars in white NOW. You know it makes sense, Lansley, let's have a consultation, eh?


23 comments:

The Filthy Engineer said...

Nice one Dick. but if you're not careful ASH will use that in their campaign against smokers. You have been warned.

Curmudgeon said...

Yes, those red cars are especially evil. Oh, hang on...

Btw I heard Philip Davies head-to-head with Martin Dockrell of ASH on Radio 5 this morning - very good stuff, especially the point that you can never compromise with the likes of ASH because they will always come back for more.

Curmudgeon said...

Oh yes, be careful, you'll be giving BRAKE (the ASH of the transport world) ideas :-(

Anonymous said...

...and PINK of all colours - that suggests that the car is a cuddly, girly thing instead of a killing machine and we know that more young women than men are taking up driving. Are there no depths to which Big Motor won't stoop?

Jay

superioranalyst said...

You should be careful what you wish for! The greenies want to get us all into electric cars. The only problem is that these only work at the present state of development if you stick a couple of batteries in a Trabant (white, of course). Then there is the problem of charging them - only 35% of people park on a drive/garage - so we'll need to erect charging posts everywhere at £10K a piece running to £100K each if a 3-phase substation is required. Oh and did I mention that if all 32 million cars in the UK are electric it will require 40% of the capacity of the national grid to charge them?

Snowolf said...

That's not all though, they just put these cars on the forecourts, where they are in open view.

Children can see them, for crying out loud. Something must be done.

(wv: nonsi - oh, so close)

Anonymous said...

Also heard/saw Philip Davies on the various media today. Excellent mascot, well selected.
Trouble is, he's only one, competing with the other 649 utterly spineless low-lifes in the place.
How about a campaign to make him PM ? Anytime in the next two weeks would be good.

Curmudgeon said...

Douglas Carswell is on the right side on this one as well.

Anonymous said...

And what about F1 racing, deliberate speeding which will influence the children.

Anonymous said...

You won't believe this but I was going to post a comment saying exactly the same thing yesterday. How uncanny. Great minds think alike. You put it much better than I could have, however.

Anonymous said...

Thank goodness someone in this country has finally woken up and realized how awful the constant colourizing of automobiles is just another trick by evil auto makers to further addict our children to reliance on individual transporation and big oil.

If MPs do not endorse a ban immediately on this outrageous, irresponsible and deadly under handed campaign by big auto and oil immediately, then another generation will fall prey to deadly addiction.

I for one would be happy to see it banned indoors and outdoors, including on the streets, where the sight of it is most foul.

If those filthy drivers cannot stop driving those cars, they should apply a petrol soaked piece of gauze attached by adhesive tape to their arms and it might help them with their disgusting addiction. I'm certain one of the pharmaceuticals can produce such a device easily and NHS could make it compulsory among addicts.

Anonymous said...

But F1 is much safer than it was.

"In January 1997 Mr Ecclestone, the Formula One chief, donated £1million to Labour - a donation only made public in early November after the government had announced F1 would be exempt from a ban on tobacco advertising which was a key plank of the party's election manifesto.

Mr Ecclestone lobbied for the exemption at a meeting at Number 10 with Mr Blair on 16 October.

In the political and media storm that followed, Mr Blair and the government repeatedly downplayed the link between the donation and the decision to exempt Formula 1.

The crisis only abated when the former prime minister used an interview with John Humphrys on BBC 1's "On The Record" to apologise for the government's handling of the issue.

Wearing too much make up and sweating under powerful TV lights Mr Blair resembled, according to one contemporary observer, a "pantomime dame" as he insisted he was a "pretty straight sort of guy," a phrase which was to come to haunt him down the years."

Telegraph

BTS said...

Make sure it's a matt finish though. We wouldn't want the little treasures falling for the 'glitzy', shiny paintwork.

Is using public transport now considered to be secondhand driving because I don't like the smell..?

Woodsy42 said...

But DP, you have not considered the health warnings that will be required on the sides, roof and bonnet.
Cars can damage your ozone layer.
Cars add to global warming.
Driving is bad for your blood pressure.
The opportunties for nannying are amazing!

ADie Dee said...

I think white is "too pure" for these evil machines! I propose a very dull grey is used instead! We should also go bake to the early dys where all vehicles had to follow a man with a red flag. This will negate the need to control speed (which kills don't you know) anything over SIX miles an hour means you will not be able to breathe and will surely suffocate. Be warned! All of this "evidence" showing cars doing higher speeds is just Motor Company propaganda and is not true..... Also planes and trians do not exist they are only there as a figment of your imagination.........

nisakiman said...

I think all car drivers should be lined up against the wall and shot. Filthy, disgusting habit. I can't understand why these filthy disgusting people are still allowed to pollute my air. Ugh! Disgusting. And filthy! (Did I say that already?) What about driver's rights, you hear them whine. What rights? Drivers have no rights. They are child killers. Die, drivers. DIE DIE DIE!

Dick Puddlecote said...

Good idea about using grey, ADie, we can't be too careful. ;)

Anonymous said...

On the front page of the majority of newspapers is a phot of Kate Moss flouting the French smoking ban on no smoking day. perhaps the editors had enough of reading ridiculous press releases from Health Fascists?

Vitesse Media said...

AWESOME post my man

The Travelling Toper said...

Nay nay and thrice nay my dear sir; surely your diatribe should read ' Time To Make All Cars In White And SMOKEFREE.'

Anonymous said...

Dick,

I posted this piece in its entirety on Bad Science, hope you don't mind.
Didn't want to just leave the link as most on there probably wouldn't bother.
http://www.badscience.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=21607

Bald headed John.

Anonymous said...

Fluorescent would be better - you can spot a Dynarod van from five miles away (sometimes at night).

White shows the dirt too easily and attracts graffiti. That's partly why every other car is metallic silver. Muck just slides off them. A second hand car salesman told me that. There were a lot of silver cars on the forecourt. I suppose there would be if it was true. Seemed honest enough....

Dick Puddlecote said...

Anon @ 12:19: White because it will reflect the sun's heat back up into the atmosphere and stop global warming. Come on, keep up. ;)