Chris Ruane (Vale of Clwyd, Labour)Because if there's one thing that we can't decide for ourselves - and on which we desperately require guidance from government - it's how much we should be walking per day.
To ask the Secretary of State for Health if he will publish a recommended average daily distance a healthy person should walk.
You see, we homogenous automatons really need this stuff, and no mistake. Being quite astonishingly incapable of even the most basic of tasks, we would no doubt drop dead in a matter of months without a governmental policy on walking.
Perhaps there should be a network of local authority 'Ambulatory Advisers' to offer walking workshops or pedestrian drop-in centres. We could even have a walking czar to make sure we all get our 500 yards a day. Or something.
Or maybe there are more pressing problems.
Gordon Birtwistle (Burnley, Liberal Democrat)Yes indeed. A new law is definitely required. Spot fines for anyone under the age of 18 loitering outside a sweet shop.
To ask the Secretary of State for Health if he will bring forward proposals to prevent youths harassing adults outside shops in order to encourage them to buy cigarettes for those youths.
Think of the job creation opportunities here. Instead of just having the balls to say "fuck off" ourselves, we could employ people to exhibit guts on our behalf.
How joyous would our country be if we didn't have to sort out our own lives, eh? Delegate it all to the state and just watch humanity's potential soar.
£65k is top value for money if it means such vitally important questions are being asked, doncha think?