Before Rupert Murdoch puts up his paywall on the Times web site, perhaps he should consider investing in a few more decent journalists. You see, there isn't a massive demand for codswallop such as this.
Supermarkets have been accused of encouraging binge drinking by continuing to sell alcohol more cheaply than bottled water.
Yes, of course it's bollocks. In fact, the only way anyone can make such a claim is if they compare like with, err, not like. As Julia Belgutay and Matthew Holehouse have done here - proof positive that two heads are not necessarily better than one if the two are both idiots.
Sainsbury’s in New Cross, also in south London, was selling four 440ml cans of own-brand lager and bitter for 91p and 94p respectively [c. 5p per 100ml]. A litre bottle of Highland Spring mineral water, meanwhile, was on sale for 8.5p per 100ml.
The 'lager' to which they are referring is the Basics range gunk, a brew so weak and inspid that it's nigh on water anyway. The equivalent, obviously enough, is the Sainsburys Basics range water, which will set you back 13p for 2 litres ... or 0.006p per 100ml.
If the journos think that's unfair, they could always have compared Sainsbury's real own brand lager instead. Crown Lager (4x500ml) at £2.49, which at 12.4p per 100ml is actually not cheaper than water.
The rest of the piece goes the same way as a story is conjured up where none exists. And I'm sure they knew.
The Tesco Extra in St Rollox, Glasgow, was offering four 440ml cans of its value lager for 91p. The supermarket charges 85p for a litre of Highland Spring water.
Tesco Value water 13p for 2 litres, Tesco brand lager (4x500ml) £2.39, or 12p per 100ml.
Asda in Bishopbriggs, Glasgow, was also selling four 440ml cans of its own-brand Smart Price lager and bitter for just over 5p per 100ml. Strathmore mineral water cost 8.5p per 100ml.
Asda Smart Price water, you guessed it, 13p per 2 litres. Asda's Hollandia lager (4x440ml) £2.00, still comfortably more expensive at 11.4p per 100ml.
I'm sure Morrissons prices will be comparable, but their site is so dreadful that there's no way of knowing without traipsing up there and fighting through the Christmas shoppers. And sod that for a game of marbles today.
Still, I hope the above will put minds at rest, especially those at the righteously indignant BMA.
A spokeswoman for the British Medical Association added: “It is a real worry that you can buy alcohol cheaper than mineral water."
That'll be 'real' as in not real; a 'worry' as in not worrying at all; and 'cheaper' as in more expensive.
And Murdoch expects us to pay for this shit?