Friday, 28 September 2012

Fake Charity Continues To Waste Taxes Making Kids Miserable

Last month, the excellent Harridanic site (which you really should bookmark, by the way) spotted fake charity Sustain attempting to ban online games which kids enjoy.

The state-funded grinches would probably describe their job as working to deliver healthy happy lives for children or something, but it's ironic that their efforts are designed exclusively to make kids miserable. Not just taking candy from a baby, but also even the sight of it in an online video game.

Their latest wheeze is to spend our taxes constructing a breathless complaint about Fanta.
An online video ad on, titled "Fun, New 2011 Fanta 'Bounce' Commercial. Check out the Video for More Fanta. Less Serious. New 2011 Fanta commercial where thanks to Fanta orange a DJ boy flips and bounces a bored girl, a hip chick, a nerdy guy, a cheerleader, 2 dudes, some dogs and a whole basketball pickup game all over town ... all because of an orange Fanta! What happens when his Fanta is gone!? Hmmm", featured animated characters. A female character was shown lying on her bed, looking bored. A male character jumped through the door and gave her a bottle of Fanta. They drank some and began bouncing up and down on the bed. Other characters in the street were also shown drinking Fanta and bouncing around. When they finished the bottles the music slowed, they stopped bouncing, and they all looked unhappy. The male character from the first scene returned and they all began bouncing again. On-screen text stated "MORE FANTA. LESS SERIOUS"
Shocking, huh?.

Forget kids stumbling across porn, paedophiles grooming in chat rooms and the like. No no, what we really want our government spending taxes on is banning videos which show youngsters enjoying drinks that they enjoy drinking. I mean, it's so unrealistic, isn't it?

Personally, I'd be pissed off if my two were not happy when I pay my - productively-earned - money on a treat for them, and even more disappointed if they spent their own on something which didn't make them feel they had acquired utility or value. But I suppose the parasites who spend their turgid, economy-draining, anti-social lives sucking on the public teat must have a different outlook, I dunno.

Anyway, the complaint was rejected but I do urge you to read the full judgement to show how pathetic these people are. Were they ever young themselves? It's a jolly advert, for Christ's sake, just the same as those which (we assume) used to be watched by those at Sustain and the ASA before they lost their happy souls and descended into their crusty, joyless nether world where something which portrays enjoyment in a bright colour can be considered as having the potential to kill children.

Can they not just have a Coke and a smile, and stop being so pathetic? It's the fucking chocolate orange scenario all over again.

We've known politicians to be out of touch with their electorate for a very long time - it's why we increasingly don't vote for any of them anymore - but the gap between their absurd ideological notions and reality grows ever wider by the week. Why else would they fund an entity as petty and miserable as Sustain when the country has no money and could do with a dose of cheer?

Remember, in the pre-bully state era, when we used to be able to simply ignore them?


nisakiman said...

Thank heavens someone is finally addressing this problem. How many kids have to end up enjoying their childhood before this pernicious product is finally banned? I was seduced by the advertising and glitzy packaging when I was young, and I've been hopelessly addicted ever since. I wish I'd never started; but of course, those cynical marketers at Big Fanta knew exactly what they were doing. Get them hooked when they're young. They don't care as long as they're making money.

And what about the damage caused by second-hand Fanta? It's about time some serious research was done into this. I hope Sustain have applied for government grants to start this vital research. I would imagine that £20,000,000 would cover it - a small price to pay if it means that all indoor consumption of Fanta is banned in public places. Think of the savings to the NHS! Think of all the clothes that won't need dry-cleaning! All that stickiness, consigned to the dustbin of history. And the children. Think of the children. No longer having to grow up surrounded by stuff they enjoy, but free to get on with being seriously depressed and unhappy, as they should be.

Yes, this is a move that has come none too soon. They don't know it yet, but people will be eternally grateful when they realise how much better it is living in a Fanta-free world.

Rob said...

A rare defeat for the lemon suckers

Dick_Puddlecote said...

Your thick gloopy sarcasm just dripped from the screen onto my keyboard. ;)

sillyusername said...

Well thank you for that. I now have to clean red wine off of the keyboard.