This is because there is, of course, no evidence except that which has been rigged by people paid to produce it.
You see, the tobacco control industry like to portray themselves as 'experts' in everything from economics to organised crime, when the only area they are truly expert at is hating tobacco companies and sponging off our taxes to do so.
Now, if you want a real expert on how plain packaging might affect illicit tobacco, counterfeiting and organised crime, you should probably talk to a policeman (or plenty).
Someone like Peter Sheridan OBE (pictured below), for example, well-respected former assistant chief constable of Northern Ireland's police service with 30 years' experience and hands-on knowledge of organised criminal gangs.
He spoke out against plain packaging on Radio Foyle on Friday. Here's what he had to say.
Hmm, tobacco-obsessed, evidence-free, ex-accountant politician, or dedicated and highly knowledgeable professional expert in the field. Whose opinion do you think is more reliable?
H/T A Norn-iron fellow jewel robber (yes, we're everywhere!)