Friday, 7 August 2009

The West Re-Introduce Healthist Bigotry To Iraq


Dateline: June 2007

Hoorah! Iraqis liberated from fundamentalist nutjobs.

On the evening of the 24th I spoke with a local Iraqi official, Colonel Faik, who said the Muftis would order the severance of the two fingers used to hold a cigarette for any Iraqis caught smoking. Other reports, from here in Diyala and also in Anbar, allege that smokers are murdered by AQI [Al Qaeda]. Most Iraqis smoke and this particular prohibition appeared to have earned the ire of many locals. After an American unit cleared an apartment complex on the 23rd, LTC Smiley, the battalion commander, reported that residents didn’t ask for food and water, but cigarettes. In other parts of Baqubah, people have been celebrating the routing of AQI by lighting up and smoking cigarettes.

Dateline: August 2009

Hoorah! Iraqis liberated from common sense.

Iraq’s cabinet announced Thursday that it planned to ban smoking from all public places, in what would be one of the first such laws in the Middle East. The restrictions may go even further than smoking bans in Western countries by outlawing smoking in “private transportation.”

It would apply to all public buildings, government offices, movie theaters, schools and both public and private transportation.

It's OK, Iraqis. There were only 309 civilian deaths last month. The IEDs and drive-by shootings are on the decrease, so stepping outside is just a small inconvenience.

The Iraqi government will sort out the political corruption, along with the lack of electricity and clean drinking water, as soon as they have waved their arms about and fake coughed at those smelly smokers.

Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.




8 comments:

helend498 said...

This one certainly beggars belief. How much were they bribed with I wonder?

B7 said...

Glad to see we are exporting democracy to Iraq.

I am sure the population will be eternally grateful to know that we are leading the way in the field of smoking bans.

Maybe they will also copy our policy of forcing patients in secure units to stop smoking against their will in the true tradition of democracy.

Edgar said...

Freedom is the absolute and inalienable right to do what you're told by the government, or else.

All those lentil-eating, greeno, Gaia fundamentalists are smiling now but words like 'hoist' and 'petard' are homing in on them.

A vegetarian diet is particularly high in foods that produce colonic methane. Methane is a known greenhouse gas, and it won't be too long before governments decide they need to take 'action' (curious phrase: how does one 'take' action?).

In order to reduce an individual's methane fartprint, it will become necessary either to start eating meat, or to start smoking to quell the pangs of hunger caused by forgoing the pulses and greens.

Quite where it will all end is anyone's guess.

Anonymous said...

I bet they are fucking glad that the government are ensuring that when they get blown up that they will be healthy.

vincent1 said...

Thank you Dick, that was great, fu**king unbelievable though.

Tonight is the first time my Son has sent me a message about this subject, he is not a smoker, but this one has opened his eyes.
Something like " you can go shopping and get shot at or blown up, just make sure you are not smoking.
The temperance movement make themselves look bigger pratts everyday!

Mark Wadsworth said...

Classic. You could tie it in with the US Army's feeble attempt to go 'smoke-free'.

Frank Davis said...

You'd think that poor country had suffered enough already...

BTS said...

'the Muftis would order the severance of the two fingers used to hold a cigarette for any Iraqis caught smoking'

I'm betting that shares in manufacturers of cigarette holders skyrocketed..