Upcoming Booze Beanos To Berwick

As the SNP in Scotland strives for independence, the best argument unionists have at their disposal is that the dribbling pillocks in charge haven't got a clue what they're doing.

PLANS to attract Scots on “booze cruise” trips to northern English towns after a minimum alcohol price is introduced have been set out by political leaders south of the Border.

Labour councillors on Northumberland County Council are warning the area could miss out on a “golden opportunity” by not setting aside cash to entice Scottish drinkers with an advertising campaign.

Yes, well just about everyone with a brain knew that this would happen, didn't they?

But the plans were slammed as “utterly irresponsible” by Nationalist politicians north of the Border, while Labour in Scotland distanced itself from the move.

Oh my mistake! We're talking politicians here, aren't we. The type who wouldn't understand common sense if it morphed into the Michelin Man and ate their children.

Nationalist Paul Wheelhouse said: “This is an utterly irresponsible idea from Labour. There are far better ways for a council to use their time and money than by promoting the sale of discounted alcohol".

Much like there are far, far better ways for a government which aspires to independence to spend taxpayer cash than on interfering in the public's meagre pleasures during a fucking recession, you mean? I quite agree, Paul.

Naturally, since politicians - even local ones - are the cretinous robotic contrarians we have come to despise, the council's Lib Dems and Tories automatically came out against Labour's blindingly obvious idea.

It would be toe-curlingly pathetic enough if an independence-minded government encountered unexpected consequences that they didn't foresee, but the entire population saw this one coming! I know it's a long way south, but have they not heard of English Channel booze cruises before?

The rest of Europe must be laughing in their local firewater at Scotland's incompetence, which appears to amount to a policy whereby they pass a law ... and then hope those who are not affected by it cease to act as humans have done for millennia. I can imagine cash-strapped Aegean states gagging for the opportunity to swindle these soft Jimmys out of their North Sea oil in the future.

At least the SNP have noticed that this is a cringing embarrassment. But, in their tiny minds, not for them.

Embarrassment for Labour over border booze plan

Good grief.

So, by distorting the market for products people really want to buy and creating the opportunity, it is those who want to meet the demand who are mad ... and not the idiots who created it. Fucking amazing logic. The people are to be told what to do and lump it, anyone who caters for what the people want are disgraceful?

We're so far through the looking glass here, I'm half expecting the SNP to announce that the Queen of Hearts is to succeed Alex Salmond as First Minister.

On a serious note, looking a bit further on presents a disturbing possible future policy for Scots.

Currently it's legal to buy a can of lager in England and then drive back to Scotland with it. Are the Nationalists going to try to ban or tax that in some way? Will new legislation be tabled to deem it smuggling, with 'limits' on what is carried from Berwick to Dalkeith, complete with border checks?

You know, I'm understanding the lamp posts/piano wire proposal more and more with each passing day.