Wednesday, 4 August 2010

Branson He Ain't

Brew Wales has spotted that Ian Crosby, the dozy Welsh twonk setting up an alcohol-free pub in Cardiff, would appear to have form.

A man who sold tortoises over the internet was sentenced today for animal cruelty offences relating to 151 of the creatures.

Ian Crosby, 48, of Llantwit Major, south Wales, admitted seven charges under the Animal Welfare Act, which also related to five iguanas in his possession, the local authority prosecuting him said.

Barry magistrates gave Crosby a four-month prison sentence, suspended for two years. He will be supervised for 12 months and must carry out 200 hours unpaid work. He was also banned from keeping animals for five years.
That explains a lot.

So we're not so much dealing with an inspired entrepreneur, but rather a chancer who swings into action without fully assessing the benefits and pitfalls of his latest get-rich-quick idea. There used to be a TV programme based around this very trait.

He may be deemed too irresponsible to supervise so much as a hamster these days, but being landlord of a righteous dream venue which will, let's face it, only be frequented by under 18s? No problem at all for Welsh politicos.

It was last night welcomed by an AM who has criticised the city for relying on “cheap nightclubs”.

“Any initiative to provide a more diverse nightlife in Cardiff is welcome,” [Cardiff North AM Jonathan Morgan] said.
If I were Morgan, I'd be asking questions of my researchers.

And Crosby? Well, let's hope he's not disappointed if by this time next year he's not a millionaire.


The Filthy Engineer said...

*shiver* A pub with no beer?

Curmudgeon said...

Reminds me of the old joke:

A drunk comes out of a pub. Outside, there's a stall selling tortoises. He buys one and staggers off down the road. Fifteen minutes later, he's back. "I'll have another of those crunchy meat pies, please."

Witterings From Witney said...

Obviously Crosby is not a Virgin where his past criminal record is concerned - hence Branson he most certainly ain't!

Dick Puddlecote said...

Curmudgeon: Talking of old jokes, Crosby's business skills reminded me of one which used to be told before ribbing the Irish was frowned upon.

Q: Why did the Arabs get oil and the Irish get potatoes?
A: Cos the Irish had first choice.


Private Widdle said...

"Having identified several suitable sites, he is now calling for financial support from individuals or businesses."

Trans. "Since I was up before the beak for selling disease-ridden lizards and tortoises by post, I'm skint. I haven't got a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. The bank manager has told me to fuck off and yet, being the type of chancer that I am, I realised that my crackpot scheme would be right up the bansturbator's street. There might even be a grant in it for me, and there are plenty of other mugs in South Wales, some of whom might be daft enough to spunk some of their hard-earned money in my direction."

Bucko said...

Considering his form he probably cant get an alcohol licence.

Its a stoopid idea though. It might have a few chav kids with no money in it, but not much else.

Hes managed to get his face in the press though.

AntiCitizenOne said...

He got the Idea from the Game Grand Theft Auto 3

Anonymous said...

Last week some tafftosser was
bleating like a llanberis goat
about Cardiff centre needing
something inspirational to light it up again. I was tempted to
suggest to him (in Welsh and English)a formation of Junkers,
Dorniers and Heinkels or a more
sensible stuffing of the smoking ban.

Eddy Longchamps

Dick Puddlecote said...

Bucko: "Considering his form he probably cant get an alcohol licence."

Yep. But as long as alcohol isn't involved, he can oversee kids.

Not sure CRB disclosures cover abuse to tortoises just yet. ;)

Anonymous said...

Yet more proof that the Righteous are actually sociopaths who enjoy the suffering of others. They're all psychologically damaged. But why does everyone in power listen to them all of a sudden?

Angry Exile said...

That's his business plan, is it? A no booze boozer? As they say in these parts, mad as a cut snake.

On the subject of old jokes, here's a topically alcohol related one. It's an Australian wedding, the guests are seated and the church is full, and people are starting to look at their watches and wondering when it's going to start. All of a sudden the best man comes in looking and walks up to the front of the church. "I'm really sorry to break this to everyone but the wedding's off," he says. "We can't find the beer and wine, and the bride's been sleeping with one of the ushers last night." Everybody looks shocked at the news and there's lots of muttering and talk as they all get to their feet and file out of the church. They'd just reached the car park when suddenly the best man comes running over again. "It's okay, the wedding's back on again. We've found the grog and the bloke who rooted the bride has apologised."

Yeah, coat, door, I know the drill.

I am Stan said...

Yo DP,

The man is a, grade A c**t,what more can I say!

Well done DP for exposing this C**t!