A WORLD-FIRST study has called for the introduction of a 10 per cent tax on junk foodIt's from some koala-worriers in the sand pit at the arse end of the world, but they're deadly serious in their 122 page report.
As well, it called for increased alcohol and tobacco taxes and mandatory limits on salt levels in bread and cereal in a package that would cut costs and save thousands of lives.
Drone-voiced tax buck suckler Tam Fry will be climaxing on hearing such news, as will his National Obesity Forum colleague, Jane DeVille-Almond (remember her?). The next level of sin tax is almost here - soon, the price of just about everything you consume, of which the righteous don't approve, will be under their control. All they have to do is convince a few lackwit MPs. From past experience, that shouldn't be too difficult, someone claiming to be a doctor merely has to sling some one-sided study their way and our dozy politicos will be queueing up to run their tongues over the shoes of whoever presents it.
The future beckons. One where the Chancellor stands up on budget day to quaff his time-honoured wheatgrass smoothie, before raising tax on Big Macs by a further 2.4% from midnight because the public won't stop buying them.
Oh yeah, and while he is on the subject, he has noticed that other foods aren't as good for you as qinoa and butternut squash, so the tax will be extended to minced beef, sunflower oil, frozen croquettes and mushy peas. The minimum price plans for supermarket value ranges will be announced in the government's white paper later in the year, as it's worrying that the public can buy them for 'pocket money prices' ... sometimes even cheaper than a head of lettuce.
And with the budget delivered, the Home Secretary rises to make a statement on the progress of the EU's war on illegal salt smuggling cartels.