Saturday 1 September 2012

Et Tu, Jessica?

Those Olympics, eh?

Heady sun-drenched days filled with joy, where the Union flag became popular again and where the nation learned to banish, for one glorious summer, the miseries of this world.

This included hag-faced nannies who were sent scuttling into the grime-oozing shadows (where they belong) as we celebrated the successes of shit-faced shooters, sozzled surfers, along with boozy boxers, McDonald's gorging martial artists and discus champs on a bender.

Still, I'm sure the public health industry was feeling quite content that these were just the lesser lights misbehaving and not likely to make too many headlines.

It's not like the British poster girl Olympian would ever let them down, now is it?
GOLDEN girl Jessica Ennis says she is celebrating her Olympics success with sex, wine and junk food.

She was the poster girl for the London 2012 Olympics and after taking gold in the heptathlon, Jessica said she can finally let her hair down.

And that means indulging in all the things she had missed while training for the Games.

Jessica, 26, said: “When I was competing I had to turn a lot of things down so now I can relax and enjoy myself a bit.

“I’m a big red wine fan which is really bad and I can have all the bad food I really love to eat but can’t when I’m training.”
D'oh! First it's Wiggo proving you don't have to be pristine to be a world-beater, now Jess wades in and gets the health lobby's knickers all knotted too! It must really suck to be a finger-wagging bore in summer 2012.

They still hold out hope though, 'cos Agent Oliver is on the prowl.
Jessica confessed she was gobsmacked by the number of celebrities who turned out to watch her in the Olympics.

“One of my favourites was Jamie Oliver. I absolutely love him. He offered me a free meal and I think I will hold him to it.”
Wouldn't it be divine if she were to ask the lardy hypocrite to "make us a nice greasy fry up love, and none of that low fat malarky!" and watch his jaw drop down onto his multiple chins?

Now that really would be 'pukka'!


…Zaph said...

Oh god, yes. I would pay SERIOUS money to be within earshot of that particular conversation and the aftermath :)

You go, golden girl!

Rolf Norfolk said...

Where can I buy a pair of boozy boxers? M&S don't seem to stock them.

Sackerson said...

Where can I buy a pair of boozy boxers? M&S don't have them yet.

Curmudgeon said...

I get the impression many athletes (maybe far more so than professional footballers and cricketers) are all too well aware of the fleetingness of their moment in the sun, and thus almost deliberately live for the moment and don't worry too much about tomorrow. Many cyclists (including Bradley Wggins' father) have been notorious pissheads.