Friday, 2 July 2010

Ban Andy Murray!

The way the YourFreedom site has been received by narrow minded, prissy, bigoted nimbysAngry Exile), the above refrain is eminently plausible considering today's news.

Listening to sport radio is as risky as drink driving

Sports fans, who may currently be distracted by coverage of Wimbledon, the World Cup and international cricket matches, may be putting themselves and the lives of others at risk.

The risk increases if the listener has an emotional attachment to a team or an interest in a particular outcome.

Reactions can be slowed by up to 20 per cent scientists at the Transport Research Laboratory (TRL) found - adding a six metre stopping time if a car is travelling at 70mph.

The report said: "To put this into context, this increase in distance travelled is 10 per cent further than the additional stopping distance when driving with a blood alcohol level at the UK legal limit (80mg/ml).
This requires immediate action!

Reports must be commissioned. MPs must surely start tabling Early Day Motions calling for radios to be ripped from cars forthwith.

Anyone caught driving whilst listening to England football matches should lose their licence for a very long time. In fact, sod it, take their licences away for good. Oh yeah, and throw them in jail. No, scratch that. Rip their balls off. Hell, why not just take their licences away, throw them in jail, and rip their balls off? Best be safe, eh?

We need hard-hitting gore porn TV adverts and a campaign to ban ALL sports radio broadcasting. Just in case. And, naturally, fake charities making a righteous noise.

Sounds silly? Of course.

But then, once you set arbitrary figures for an entire diverse (remember that word?) population, by which every individual is measured with implied incontrovertible certainty - whether harm occurs or not - such comparisons are positively invited.

As the researchers did with their invocation of the 80mg limit ... which, as we 'know', isn't anywhere near safe enough.

Funny how some heinous crimes call down the righteous red mist while others merit merely jocular reportage on the BBC, eh?


4 comments:

Mark Wadsworth said...

haha your cunning plan fails at the first hurdle for Murray is a Scot and hence a Protected Minority.

This idea would only have gained traction when Tim Henman was around or while the English Football Team was doing whatever it was doing in the Republic of South Africa recently.

Lawson Narse said...

The TRL is apparently overrun with lunatics. Hardly surprising when one considers its proximity too a certain well known repository of those too disturbed to be allowed to mix with more stable members of society.

http://www.iberkshire.co.uk/directions/251977/Crowthorne/Broadmoor-Hospital/

WV= aling. Yup! it sure is.

Caratacus said...

One of my happiest memories is of being in slow-moving traffic on a sunny day when Johnners had the giggles when Aggers said that, "Botham didn't quite get his leg over". I was laughing so much I was nearly crying - the thing was when I looked around I saw that many other guys were in a similarly helpless state. it was a very special moment.

So I would just like to say to the chaps at the Transport Research Laboratory, "What's the matter? Run out of pants to sniff? Fuck off and leave us in peace, there's a good little collection of fist-jockeys". Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Just ban all news about Murray,
the thistle faced, mind blowingly
boring,prancing pict. Pity we aint
got Bernard Manning quipping about
this tartan praying mantiss.
May all Englishmen(what few there are)thank providence that a real
man from Majorca,Nadal, smacked the
Calvinisic Jocks blue painted
arse.

Eddy Longchamps fan club