Thursday 23 August 2012

Upcoming Booze Beanos To Berwick

As the SNP in Scotland strives for independence, the best argument unionists have at their disposal is that the dribbling pillocks in charge haven't got a clue what they're doing.
PLANS to attract Scots on “booze cruise” trips to northern English towns after a minimum alcohol price is introduced have been set out by political leaders south of the Border.

Labour councillors on Northumberland County Council are warning the area could miss out on a “golden opportunity” by not setting aside cash to entice Scottish drinkers with an advertising campaign.
Yes, well just about everyone with a brain knew that this would happen, didn't they?
But the plans were slammed as “utterly irresponsible” by Nationalist politicians north of the Border, while Labour in Scotland distanced itself from the move.
Oh my mistake! We're talking politicians here, aren't we. The type who wouldn't understand common sense if it morphed into the Michelin Man and ate their children.
Nationalist Paul Wheelhouse said: “This is an utterly irresponsible idea from Labour. There are far better ways for a council to use their time and money than by promoting the sale of discounted alcohol".
Much like there are far, far better ways for a government which aspires to independence to spend taxpayer cash than on interfering in the public's meagre pleasures during a fucking recession, you mean? I quite agree, Paul.

Naturally, since politicians - even local ones - are the cretinous robotic contrarians we have come to despise, the council's Lib Dems and Tories automatically came out against Labour's blindingly obvious idea.

It would be toe-curlingly pathetic enough if an independence-minded government encountered unexpected consequences that they didn't foresee, but the entire population saw this one coming! I know it's a long way south, but have they not heard of English Channel booze cruises before?

The rest of Europe must be laughing in their local firewater at Scotland's incompetence, which appears to amount to a policy whereby they pass a law ... and then hope those who are not affected by it cease to act as humans have done for millennia. I can imagine cash-strapped Aegean states gagging for the opportunity to swindle these soft Jimmys out of their North Sea oil in the future.

At least the SNP have noticed that this is a cringing embarrassment. But, in their tiny minds, not for them.
Embarrassment for Labour over border booze plan
Good grief.

So, by distorting the market for products people really want to buy and creating the opportunity, it is those who want to meet the demand who are mad ... and not the idiots who created it. Fucking amazing logic. The people are to be told what to do and lump it, anyone who caters for what the people want are disgraceful?

We're so far through the looking glass here, I'm half expecting the SNP to announce that the Queen of Hearts is to succeed Alex Salmond as First Minister.

On a serious note, looking a bit further on presents a disturbing possible future policy for Scots.

Currently it's legal to buy a can of lager in England and then drive back to Scotland with it. Are the Nationalists going to try to ban or tax that in some way? Will new legislation be tabled to deem it smuggling, with 'limits' on what is carried from Berwick to Dalkeith, complete with border checks?

You know, I'm understanding the lamp posts/piano wire proposal more and more with each passing day.


Jay said...

Awesome. If Scotland does go the ban booze from England route, we'll no doubt get our own Smokey and The Bandit movies here in Britain. Because banning booze from crossing state lines in America worked so bloody well for them.

Context link:

Dick_Puddlecote said...

Haha. Evading the miserable elite could become a national sport. Bring it on. :)

RichardAKJ said...

Sounds like a great business opportunity for someone living in, say, Edinburgh with access to a van. Hmm. Expecting to see websites spring up.

moonrakin said...

What to do with them eh?

Maybe we can sell them off to the Norwegians?

Bucko TheMoose said...

""There are far better ways for a council to use their time and money than by promoting the sale of discounted alcohol"."

Are they promoting discounted alcohol or alcohol that hasn't been artificially inflated?

Dick_Puddlecote said...

It's an important distinction, isn't it?

The arrogance of the SNP is astounding, expecting the world to co-operate with their unlateral fuckwittery.

Dick_Puddlecote said...

Indeed. Especially since price differentials will be preserved meaning that EVERY beverage will be cheaper over the border. For high end wines and spirits, it will run into a fair few pounds per sold unit.

Dick_Puddlecote said...

Not very fair on the Norwegians though, is it? Just dumping them in the North Sea gets the same result. ;)

Curmudgeon said...

It's getting to the stage now when there's not much more you can do than sit back and laugh when the wheels fall off the cart. We all know that smuggling has hugely undermined the anti-tobacco crusade, in Ireland even more than the UK.

If Scotland has a minimum price and England doesn't, or if Scotland's is higher than England's by more than a few pence, the amount of legal cross-border shopping will be immense, and it's hard to see how it can be stopped within what is still a single country.

And if England goes for a minimum price, then all the booze warehouses in Calais will be up and running again with a vengeance, so they'll try to stop or limit that as well.

Interesting times, anyway...

Curmudgeon said...

The differentials will tend to erode the further you get up the scale so will no longer exist for £12 wines and £30 malts. But yes, they will be maintained for stuff within 50% of the minimum price, which is the vast majority of what is bought by volume.

johnd2008 said...

I live just south of Carlisle on the Solway coast. It is only a few miles across the water. Shares in a fast RIB anyone?

…Zaph said...

Indeed, how will they manage to stop cross-border booze trips without closing the border?

Well, one way (assuming the independence referendum in 2014 goes their way) could be to join the Schengen accord. Since there is no way England is every going to sign up for that, this would reintroduce passport checks at Berwick and Gretna. Sledgehammer to crack a nut, anyone?

However, I doubt they'd actually do this as that means opening the borders to practically every other country in the EU who are already in Schengen. Certain Glaswegian elements would be pretty p—d off at needing to produce a passport to go across on the ferry to Northern Ireland as well…

Smoking Scot said...

Moon R.
The Norwegians gave us Orkney & the Shetlands as a dowry when some King here married one of their daughters. Some up there want to go back to Norway because rule from Edinburgh is just as remote as from London. Of course some up there want complete independence - from Scotland and Norway - and I can't blame them.
Ever since the Romans built a thumping great wall to keep the heathens out (it wasn't called Scotland then, just a mess of tribal regions - similar in many respects to Afghanistan today), there are those in Scotland who think it can be walled in again. Presumably to engineer the largest loony bin in Europe. But we (the people) have said this for ages. If we don't want any involvement from London, we sure don't want it from Brussels either.
The more you dig into this "independence" rot, the greater the stench.

Jay said...

I just rented these films on LoveFilm. Need to hone up on the rules for this new national sport, after all. :P

Michael McFadden said...

Currently it's legal to buy a can of lager in England and then drive back to Scotland with it. Are the Nationalists going to try to ban or tax that in some way? Will new legislation be tabled to deem it smuggling, with 'limits' on what is carried from Berwick to Dalkeith, complete with border checks?"

Don't laugh: they can do just what they do here in the States. Set a strict limit (e.g. 1 carton of cigarettes) and then have undercover cops hang around tobacco outlets near the borders between low tax and high tax states watching license plates. If they see someone come out with a bulging shopping bag and hop into a high state car they'll simply follow them till they're about cross state lines. Then... Whammo!


moonrakin said...

cue Saltire face paint and FREEEEEDUMB!!!

Rob said...

Exactly. Use State power to artificially inflate the price and then claim other countries, who did not do the same, are 'discounting'.

Slippery, mendacious sod. He'll go far in the SNP.