Thursday 6 October 2011

Holy Smokes

The Isle of Man are still struggling with their prison smoking ban, it would appear. Inconveniently, inmates don't seem to be willing to play ball, God bless 'em ... and, in a small but mysterious way, He (or, at least His book) does.

THE Isle of Man Prison has lost control of the no-smoking ban.

The report, which has been published today, found that the total ban had resulted in a "large number of negative outcomes".

[Chief Inspector of prisons Nick Hardwick] explained: "Many prisoners appeared to be intensively and creatively engaged in circumventing the smoking ban.

"They boiled up nicotine patches, soaked fruit peel or other substances in it and then rolled cigarettes from the resulting 'tobacco' in pages from dictionaries and bibles held together with toothpaste. Lights were obtained from kettle elements and electrical wiring.

"We saw this happening in full view of staff and were satisfied it was a wide spread and long standing occurrence."

Prisoners were also found to be using lint from tumble dryers and pubic hair to make their homemade cigarettes.
So, I take it previous attempts at enforcing abstinence, as reported here last January, haven't worked.

TEABAGS have been banned at a non-smoking jail after lags used them in cigarettes instead of brewing up.

... instead of quitting, ingenious inmates poured out the contents of teabags and rolled makeshift ciggies.

[One former prisoner said] "Many inmates turned to teabags and some even tried smoking dried banana skins. Then the governor decided to ban teabags and replace them with granules so we couldn’t smoke them."
Still, it appears the authorities are going to carry on wrestling with the problem of enforcing abstinence on a prison population who are demonstrably unready to co-operate.

"Considerable management time was diverted into tackling the problem but measures such as banning certain types of fruit were just not going to be effective."
Tea bags? Fruit? They'll be running out of things to ban soon (just after compulsory pubic waxes, presumably). How about the nicotine patches next, eh? They are being used to boil down for the hit, after all.

"If the ban is to continue it needs to be combined with more effective smoking cessation support and a fuller programme of legitimate activity."
Nah, don't be silly. They'll ban the bibles before the religion of pharmaceutical sales compliance is ever restricted. Anything else would be blasphemy, so it would.

There was - briefly - at least a nod to the fact that prisoner health would be far better served by allowing prisoners to actually smoke, err, tobacco, rather than the cocktail of ingredients that they are currently inhaling ...

The report suggests initiating some changes to the smoking ban such as allowing smoking outside in the exercise areas.
... but that was swiftly dismissed.

Mark Kelly, the chief executive of the Department of Home Affairs which has responsibility for the prison, said: "The report has identified issues around the no-smoking policy which was introduced to protect non-smokers at the prison from the harmful effects of secondary smoke inhalation.

"In response to the inspector's comments the department instigated a review of current arrangements and decided to continue the ban with a renewed focus on robust enforcement and effective smoking cessation support."
Good grief.

How is it that the public sector seems to command a monopoly on unimaginative, myopic, brain-wiped personnel? Is there some University somewhere offering degrees in terminal robotic fuckwittery, and spooging the graduates into government-funded employment where they can spend a lifetime cocking things up at the taxpayer's expense?

There's not? Could have fooled me.

Another for the 'not about health' file.


Curmudgeon said...

What digusting behaviour - they should be locked up!


Anonymous said...

Pity the stupid backward Manx dont spend more time sorting out the tax dodgers rather than waffling on
about teabag snorting burglars.
So much for the claptrap about viking ancestors and independent
character. These tax fiddlers are no different than the mainland jessies and nannies
"This Sceptered Isle" bollocks more like a septic cesspit.

Baldur the Beautifull

Xopher said...

Those bloody unintentional consequences getting in the way again.
Maybe the naughty addicts are trying to get back to the 60s - Donovan - Mellow Yellow & hallucinogenic dried banana skins (shame it actually referred to an electrical vibrator!)

Anonymous said...

I have witnessed inmates smoking toilet paper - yes just rolled up toilet paper - to get a smoke.

-good luck with banning that.

Sam Duncan said...

Gosh, who'd have thought? A building full of criminals coming up with inventive ways of circumventing the rules? I mean, how could anyone have foreseen that?

“Is there some University somewhere offering degrees in terminal robotic fuckwittery, and spooging the graduates into government-funded employment where they can spend a lifetime cocking things up at the taxpayer's expense?”

That's pretty much all of them, isn't it?

Anonymous said...

I have no doubt that, despite what Mark Kelly (what is he?...CEO of Home Affairs?) says, an 'adjustment' will be quietly brought in without any mention in the MSM. When it gets out, the pre-prepared soundbite will state, "...but only for the serious addicts - addicted by the machinations of Big T"

Anonymous said...

Since ASH stands behind their claims 100% (truth guaranteed) and always have - plus since they get big government funding for results - then why not let all of the employees (and I mean board members too) from ASH (and from CRUK and a few others for that matter) be sent into that prison and enforce the smoking bans themselves. Lock 'em up inside the cells and tell them to make sure nobody smokes. That should work, plus the taxpayer will be getting our money's worth for what all we pay them.

JuliaM said...

"Is there some University somewhere offering degrees in terminal robotic fuckwittery..."

Ahhhh, if only there was just the one.

Anonymous said...

I seriously wonder just how much of the worlds finicial woes are attributed to smoking bans.
In this Country alone many thousands of jobs have been lost due to hundreds of pubs/clubs closing.
Billions have been lost due to high taxation of cigarettes.
Hundreds of thousands of people no longer drive to pubs or social events due to smoking bans so again billions lost in fuel tax.
Tourism has been hit in my area because (no-one will admit it) shitty weather means nowhere to go that allows smoking.
This is duplicated in many Countries. Unintentional consequences again.

Bill said...

"Unintentional consequences again."

No I disagree. What is happening is either a 'happy coincidence' or more likley is actually intentional.

Most smokers of tobacco don't want give up something they enjoy that harms no-one.
Most smokers of tobacco won't buy from white van man.
Most smokers will dig their heels in come what may and keep on smoking to defy the government and the health nazis.

End result is government can top load tobacco products every year with tax and most smokers will simply, ahem cough up keeping the free money river flowing full pelt.

ASH are not a rampant beast they are tightly controlled by the government. If they weren't controlled they would be shrieking STOP SELLING TOBACCO from every rooftrop, newspaper and TV wet in the land.
They studiously avoid this logical conclusion to their fantasy arguments.

Fredrik Eich said...

"THE Isle of Man Prison has lost control of the no-smoking ban."
As much as I would like to see no-smoking banned, I think it would be trampling
on the rights of non-smokers and therefore unacceptable. It would be similar to banning
pedantry in that it would trampling on the rights of pedants.

Michael J. McFadden said...

In terms of "unintended consequences" smoking bans in prison have some extra spices added.

For one thing, if the prisons there work the way they do here, prisoners caught violating the ban can have their "good time" trimmed: end result -- they spend more time in prison for the simple crime of SMOKING IN PRISON! And taxpayers of course have to pay for it.

For another, the ban obviously increases tensions not just between prisoners and guards but also between smoking and nonsmoking prisoners who previously got on reasonably well. You'll now have cases of snitches -- and the resulting sometimes deadly fights that result from such behavior.

Of course you never see news stories about how many prisoners may have been killed because of smoking bans or about how many prisoners are sitting there being supported by taxpayers ONLY because of the bans, but you can be pretty sure that both exist.


Anonymous said...

If the reason for the ban was the alleged danger of second hand tobacco smoke, I do not see the logic for banning the use of the leaves of tea as a substitute smoking mixture - unless 'science' has discovered something new ....

Dick Puddlecote said...

Very good point, Lleweton. I must remember that. :)

Anonymous said...

As there are many every day foods that contain nicotine they would have to ban tomatoes, potatoes egg plant etc. Any dried medium can be used to smoke and with the added nicotine of the above plants the prisoners will be back to enjoying their smoking.

Mark said...

Harry Grout must be pleased.

On a more serious note, I bet they
spent more on "education" than the
prisoners did on tea leaves.

Anonymous said...

@Lleweton - but it LOOKS like smoking and that's enough to cause heart failure :)


Anonymous said...

"Prisoners were also found to be using . . pubic hair . ."

They should name these 'Recycled Fords' as they're made out of old coarse 'airs.

(Badoom Tish!)