Wednesday, 8 July 2009

An ASH Career Move

All this talk of forthcoming cuts in NHS services, and scaling back of preventative programmes on lifestyle choices, must be causing concern to the purse-lipped busybodies at ASH. After all, with public spending squeezed, what if the funds they leech off of taxpayers are reduced, eh?

Fortunately, just in the nick of time, comes news of a vacancy at Wookey Hole which looks to be an ideal career move for Deborah Arnott, at least.

A job centre is advertising a "witch" vacancy with tourist site Wookey Hole, in Somerset, for £50,000 a year.

It's a slight pay cut but times are hard, Debs.

Deborah Arnott

A Witch

Wookey Hole wants the appointee to go about her everyday business as a hag,


so that people passing through the caves can get a sense of what the place was like in the Dark Ages.

Well, she tries to make people as miserable as they were in the Dark Ages. That should do. Check.

This was when an old woman lived in the caves with some goats and a dog,

Rather like working with Martin Dockrell, then. Check.

causing a variety of social ills, including crop failures and disease.

Pub closures, unemployment, hatred, social exclusion. Check.

She also turned the local milk rancid.

With that face? Too easy. Check.

Debs, the job is undoubtedly yours. You just have to apply and turn up. Their number is 01749 672243 or you can e-mail

Not at all, you're welcome.


Pat Nurse said...

Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha - perfect!

TheBigYin said...

Bang on target DP, don't expect a 'thank you' anytime soon though.

Marie said...

Sheila Duffy could be her deputy

frosty said...

Nice one Dick, im afraid she wont get the job though because shes to fucking ugly, and did you know that passive exposure to eye of newt and wing of bat can kill.

Anonymous said...

If she got a black cat it would fucking run away.

Anonymous said...

Must not be allergic to cats ????
Must be able to cackle
Must live in the cave
£2000 per week Very nice my dears

Where's this Wookey hole then,has it gone smoke free yet,last I heard
about that apple picking wasteland
they were still buying fireworks
for the Millenium.

Arnuwulf (Brigantes)

Lawson Narse said...

Hateful Harriet has dibs on that job.

Anonymous said...

Should the nice lady from ASH
take up the post of cauldron stirring,it would make a nice change
from her current part time jobs,
with the Valkyre, transporting
dead pubs over the Rainbow Bridge
and collecting fares on the Styx
ferry from the souls of heroic
landlords. "Heroic"?Nudge , nudge

Hauskarl front row

B7 said...

Dick, a perfect candidate,

Ps:- I don't think caves are covered by smokefree legislation.

Anonymous said...

Are caves 'substantially enclosed' ?

I suspect if the cave were comfortable then it would be 'smokefree'
No comfort for the smokers you see !!

Mark Wadsworth said...

LOL. Especially if she has to stir cauldron's over a fire, which emits, er, smoke.

You get bonus points for spelling it "preventative".

Dick Puddlecote said...

TBY: Just seeing her waste away in a cave would be thanks enough.

Frosty: If we didn't know that already, I'm sure she'll produce some fake stats to 'prove' it.

MW: Yes, I remembered ;-)

banned said...

I heard that she's applied for the Live Model job at Warwick Castle Toture Chamber, she'll be able to wallow in victimhood for eternity.

Steve said...

Too Late, Atilla Arnott has already applied for a job with the four, five, six.

Yes they are an alien life form that live in atmosphere of nitroson chloride, hydrogen chloride and hydrogen cyanide but she said it is clean air because there is no smoke in it.

On her job application she stated that she is very good at hate filled persecution of minorities and has a number of years experience as a state sponsored criminal. Specialist skills listed were: lying to the public, propaganda, junk science, plucking figures from thin air, telling people to shut up because she knows better and writing (for this she cited her latest book, "OCD for beginners").

She made a special request that the four, five, six take only children who smoke saying that joining them to the belly of an alien for all eternity would be a very good way to force them into quitting smoking.

She is said to be looking forward to moving to the planet of the four, five, six; although they are green slimy 12 foot aliens who vomit yellow puss across the room every few minutes she thinks she might at last be able to get laid.

Don't hold your breath Atilla. Or on second thoughts.........