Alex Salmond, please tell us that you're having a bit of a giggle here.
Alex Salmond to join demonstration against Diageo cuts
Mr Salmond visited Kilmarnock to meet campaigners protesting the closure of the town's Johnnie Walker bottling plant, which will account for 700 of the job losses.
A further 200 will go from the closure of the Port Dundas grain distillery in Glasgow
During his visit, the First Minister signed a petition against the closures and pledged to join a protest march being organised by the local council for later this month.
See, the problem, Salmond, is that Diageo are suffering from a squeeze in the market and are doing as any responsible company would do. They are scaling back.
In an ideal world, they wouldn't have to do so, but then, in an ideal world they wouldn't be faced with a dim-witted set of myopic fools like the SNP.
May I quote from your 2007 manifesto [pdf], Mr Sweaty-cock-in-chief?
Irresponsible drinking poses major health risks for individuals and demands effective action from government. An SNP government will do more to address public concerns about licensing laws and the advertising, availability and affordability of alcohol.
SNP justice policy will ensure a tough clampdown on irresponsible drinks promotions and underage drinking, including action to stop the deep discounting of alcohol in shops and supermarkets.
This may seem a strange concept to you, Salmond, but if I understand basic rules of economics correctly, attacking the affordability of alcohol, at which your lot have excelled spectacularly, would tend to result in less people buying it.
If less people buy it, profitability reduces and companies are forced to make cuts in their overhead. One of the major overheads any company faces is staff costs.
Your administration has spent a vast amount of time and money trying to stop people buying alcohol, then when a company which sells alcohol announces it is having to cut costs, you cry foul?
Good grief man. Either stop juggling the health lobby's testicles on your chin or accept the inevitable. You can't have it both ways.