More intense nannying courtesy of the Telegraph. There is so very much wrong with this that it's almost beyond parody.
Family told to remove trampoline 'because it could be used by burglars'
A father claims he was told to remove his daughter's small trampoline from their shared garden – in case burglars used it to jump through his neighbours' windows.
I don't know about you, but I'm hearing the Benny Hill theme tune as I write this. It's a 12 inch high, and 3 feet wide trampoline for fuck's sake. One can almost imagine the little bald guy, clad in striped shirt and mask, bag over his shoulder complete with stencilled 'SWAG', bouncing in fast motion only to be splatted against a pebble-dashed wall.
Wait, though, it gets better. Obviously, it goes without saying that the father's housing association ordered him to remove this lethal device owing to it being a 'safety hazard'. It is what we have come to expect. But get this bit.
"It's complete rubbish anyone would use it to help them break in," the health and safety inspector said.
Kaboom! One of those punch the air, throw your head back, bellow with laughter, whilst screaming 'Oh yes! Oh yes! Oh Lord, YES!' moments.
Sow and ye shall reap, fucktard. Just like a psychic who doesn't foresee being run over by a bus, did he not recognise the likely risk that leaving a toy out in the open might result in a letter, from a numpty of his ilk, dropping on his doormat?
Don't go just yet though. It's not the end of the fuckwittery.
A spokesman for London and Quadrant, the housing association ... denied that risk of burglary was a factor.
Oh really? Has this spat between an over-protective organisation and one of their own kind, more to offer us?
Well bugger me sideways with a rolled-up risk assessment - indeed it has.
"The trampoline is in a communal area on our land and our only concern was that when it is left unattended other children could use it and may hurt themselves," he said.
It's a kids toy. Designed for kids to use. Safely. In fact, a health and safety inspector (like Daddy-hard-done-by here) was probably despatched with a spinning light on his head to check every tiny aspect of the design before it was even allowed to be photographed for the Argos catalogue.
And if a kid did use it, and was injured, so what? Either their parents should have been supervising them, or, and admittedly this is an incomprehensible concept to these people, the parents trusted their kids to exercise responsibility and to accept the consequences should they not do so.
In short, it's absolutely nothing to do with the housing association whatsoever.
Add in the fact that this is no doubt another instance of the 'anonymous complainant' setting the whole comprehensive waste of time, effort, and money in motion, and we have an archetypal snapshot of a miserablist nation jam-packed full of odious, self-important, unthinking fuckknuckles.
Anyway, I've been writing this for too long and the kids should be in bed. Got to call them in from the garden as playtime is over and I want my steak knives back.