Wednesday 29 December 2010

Sit Down And Shut Up

Here's a guide on how to make your voice heard in 21st century Britain.

1) Decide from an early age that you would rather take money from other people than generate it yourself.
2) Study politics.
3) Join a large political party - any one will do.
4) Schmooze your way through the selection process and become a parliamentary candidate (remember, your own money not required).
5) After bravely bullshitting in a couple of unwinnable outposts, earn a safe seat.
6) The world is your oyster, buddy boy.

Err, that's it.

Well, according to Paul Flynn anyway. Because, d'you see, a career politician knows a hell of a lot more than you about absolutely everything.

The public is to be given an X Factor-style say in setting the political agenda under Coalition proposals.
What a fucking stupid idea that is! Letting the public set the agenda for a democratic government? How absurd.

In theory the public proposals could become law.

Critics warned the system would be dominated by populist ideas, such as restoring the death penalty, withdrawing from the European Union and giving householders the right to kill a burglar.
It's quite clear that the public are all wackos and should have no say in any policy whatsoever. Withdrawing from the EU? How dare the public even think about questioning something which affects their lives on a daily basis.

Don't they know that career politicians have already done their thinking for them?

Private property? Do me a favour, some chinless cock who left university and promptly joined the SDP as a wonk (half the Lib Dems) knows much more about that than you. Are you stupid or something?

Besides, all these things are already legislated upon, and some are even subject to supra-national agreements that politicians have signed without the bothersome process of having to go to the country. Can you imagine how embarrassing it would be for those to be renegotiated on the flimsy premise that the electorate don't like them? By Christ, it would cause an argument and the ligging opportunities would dry up pretty damn quick.

No, it's better left as it is. For everybody concerned ... in Westminster.

Those million people who marched on London to stop the war in Iraq? Nutters, all. The consistent majority who don't want a comprehensive smoking ban? Loopy. The million or so who disagreed with road pricing on the e-petitions site? Barking.

The cheek of it, what do they know? Did they learn about demographics and vote maximisation? Did they climb the greasy political pole? Did they suck up to some old codger at turgid conferences so they might be well regarded in selection committee circles?

No! So they should jolly well sit down and shut up, then.

The bloody public, eh? Always trying to muscle in on what politicians have decided is best for them. For crying out loud, some of them even believe that because they pay a barrowload of taxes they should be entitled to dictate how it is spent! I mean, really, the nerve.

Why can't they just be happy with having no real choice once every five years, the ungrateful bastards.

UPDATE: Paul Flynn, who campaigns for relaxing of drug laws and rails against the Iraq and Afghanistan wars, says this about those who share a different view to his.

"Take defeat gracefully. The smoking ban has been a great succes."
I think that translates as 'sit down and shut up, I'm an MP doncha know'.


Pavlov's Cat said...

Yes hindsight is 20/20 vision

But I must admit, knowing what I know now. If I had my time over, I'd go into politics.
I am an extremely plausible liar, I can feign empathy with the best of them and on occasion be a shameless brown noser.

I'd be a multi-millionaire by now if only my damn conscience wouldn't keep getting in the way.

Anonymous said...

PF such a bitter and twisted wee man.

Anonymous said...

It's the siblings and couples that get me, the Millipedes, Dougie and Wee Wendy Alexander, Mr + Missus Balls by name - I know the coalition can offer some up but I can't think - ideas anyone?

A perusal of their cv's and a scan of their conceited drivel laced outpourings should carry a health warning.

The parade of ignorance, mediocrity and monumental conceit would result in the commercial world with an enterprise failing it would seem the same result is going to occur in the public arena where their failure goes on your bill...

Many of the ministers are not much more than teleprompted talking heads.

I'd like an answer to the question:

If Labour were bankrupting us by unaffordable borrowing and spending how come the coalition are borrowing more (and by inference spending more than Liebor)

lWhere are we going?

Anonymous said...

He shouts from the back of the bus

JuliaM said...

"For crying out loud, some of them even believe that because they pay a barrowload of taxes they should be entitled to dictate how it is spent! "

Or worse, might not decide to hand over some of what's left to any one of our fakecharities without being hectored into it!

EricTheMad said...

The smoking ban has been a great success? So why no review then?

EricTheMad said...

Actually, I've had an idea. Each pub should have an 'objection' button outside the entrance of the pub (it would need to be outside for anonimity purposes). This button would trigger a red light inside the pub meaning no-one may smoke and, if anyone should smoke in these circumstances, the police would be called. To stop the light being left on, each press of the button would keep the light on for 20 minutes. The landlord would also have a master switch which would keep the light on indefinitely, should he choose to trigger it.

If anyone objects to having to go outside every 20 minutes, they would be considered 'selfish'.

If anyone gets beaten up by the locals over this practice, they would be considered 'collateral damage'.

This proposal would allow for choice, eliminate any confusion and ensure that no-one (important) gets hurt.

Luke said...

A Westminster source said: 'It's the right decision not to listen to popular petitions and demands from the hoi polloi because a recent study has shown politicians to be far better at making intelligent decisions on how to legislate and spend tax money than the general public.'

He added: 'What study? Fuck you, that's what study.'

Katabasis said...

Eloquently and brilliantly put, as usual DP!

Mark G said...

Stats show that children deprived of a dummy are much more likely to smoke as adults than those that are not.
Surely it would be better for pubs to simply stock dummies. No doubt manufactures could design them in the shape of a ciggie and even have Blue and Pink respectively.
Agitated addicts could still get their fix ,the smoke would be a non-issue and think of the saving in cash.

Malcolm Stevas said...

Flynn is a loathsome insect whose head should be stamped on. The epitome of Leftist arrogance, a Prodnose supreme. Kill, kill...