Friday 7 January 2011

David Chaytor And His Recently-Feathered Nest

I'm sure I'm not the only one who punched the air on hearing the news about oleaginous, self-centred, anti-smoking, supercilious, thieving fuckweasel, David Chaytor. Though perhaps one of the very few whose fist struck the roof of a Renault van in doing so.

The government of which he was part have reduced our country from one where freedom was a cherished commodity, into a vindictive place of suspicion and fear as the state has crept into every facet of everyday life. From businesses, through pubs and right down to church fêtes and kids' soccer teams, all are now subject to overweening regulation and the attentions of self-aggrandising prodnoses thanks to Chaytor and his dictatorial chums.

He won't receive much sympathy. Nor should he - he has shown none whatsoever himself while passing law after law which stripped us all of our liberties and drastically derogated our way of life.

That's why the public will wear a satisfied grin this evening at the thought of even just one of these hideous bastards settling down for the night amongst the bottom-feeders of society. Where he belongs.

Still, credit where it's due. An oleaginous, self-centred, anti-smoking, supercilious, thieving fuckweasel he may be (did I already say that?), but he's an oleaginous, self-centred, anti-smoking, supercilious, thieving fuckweasel who planned ahead a long time ago.

Written answers and statements, 6 February 2006

David Chaytor (Bury North, Labour)

To ask the Secretary of State for the Home Department what measures he has taken to ensure that non-smoking prison inmates are not required to share cells with prisoners who smoke.

Fiona Mactaggart (Parliamentary Under-Secretary, Home Office; Slough, Labour)

Each prison develops its own no smoking" policy in line with current health and safety advice, taking into account the type of establishment it is, its population and the special needs of that population. Wherever possible prisoners should not be required to share accommodation with a smoker if they so request.
Well, he probably knew it was on the cards by then. So why not use his position to make everything just as he likes it in his new home, eh?

I'm sure he'll feel relieved that he now won't be exposed to a few wisps of smoke as Mick 'The Bull' Jenkins smashes the cunt's face repeatedly into his metal bedstead after lights out.


Dick the Prick said...

Fanbloodytastic. It restores faith in the world, balances the mortal equation. As I sit down with my fish 'n' chips and hot water bottle listening to the fuckwit Jeremy Hardy, well, justice however fleeting, has been done.

The witch from Essex said...

Terrific.. I hope that someone in there fancies him like hell....Then again I doubt it !!!

Anonymous said...

I wonder if he'll be preaching his anti-smoking message to his fellow smoking prisoners. Wonder if he'll be telling them not smoke near him as their SHS will kill him, better still informing on them to the guvnor.

Hope he does inform because I think they'll stub him out before their ciggies.

Hahahahaha, great news.

Anonymous said...

What a surprise. An anti-smoker locked up for being a liar and a cheat.

William said...

Sorry to rain on the parade but I see Chaytor as a sacrificial lamb nothing more.

Anonymous said...

Sacrificial lamb was my first thought too.

Paul Kearns said...

Personally, I am relishing the "vision" of his first "shower". There is simply "bound" to be some 26 stone axe murderer who will want to make him his "bitch".

I wonder if prisons supply Vaseline - or will he have to go "cold turkey"?

I SO hope that his cell mate (who, if God is smiling on us will BE the 26 stone axe murderer he met in the showers) is also a chain smoker with a "penchant" for sprouts. Oh, the sheer JOY of that mental picture almost makes the last 14 years worth living!!

And to those trying to "pop my bubble" - ONE sacrificial lamb is infinitely better than none.

Have fun "Jeremy" (even his name is going to have his new "friends" in stitches).

Let the joy (for one day) be unbounded!!

Mark Wadsworth said...

That is a splendid find, work of genius (or was it pot luck).

Anyways, I'm an accountant, so I can't help dividing £18,000 stolen by 18 months jail and arriving at the formula, £1,000 taxpayers' money wasted = 1 month in jail.

OK, how many people would you have to put in jail every year and for long to properly avenge the £160,000,000,000 annual government over-spend?

Dick Puddlecote said...

Agree he may be a sacrificial lamb (though Morley must be shitting himself) but what a corker, eh?

How dare this corrupt bastard lecture the rest of us on righteous living. Wanker.


William said...

Just to further rain on the parade and put this conviction in perspective. I have been told by a lady who was threatened with 16 weeks in Strangeways for beating up her very fit and healthy rugby playing husband last year that if she went to prison it would have cost the taxpayer £3375 a week to keep her there according to her brief.
So do the maths and see just how much 'justice' costs the taxpayer.

nbc said...

Shouldn't the Proceeds of Crime Act kick in and relieve him of his ill-gotten gains?

wv: ungsore? It will be Mr Chaytor, very sore.

Dick Puddlecote said...

William: I'd pay that to see quite a lot of MPs in prison.

People like Chaytor would have banged on about invisible financial benefits of the laws he was passing. The invisible monetary value attached to the pleasure enjoyed by millions of people enjoying seeing the crook sent down more than eclipses the cost his incarceration.

He's enriched us all already and that's before the reports of strip searches and pictures of him in a prison uniform. :)

Morley next.

Dick Puddlecote said...

"That is a splendid find, work of genius (or was it pot luck)."

I know which MPs are/were actively anti-smoker, MW. They tend to leave their bigoted litter all over the internet, so it's not hard to find.

Anonymous said...

Back in 1997 he was asking how much smokers cost the NHS.
Mr. Chaytor To ask the Secretary of State for Health what assessment he has made of
the costs to the national health service of the use of tobacco.

Dick Puddlecote said...

Anon: It just gives and gives, doesn't it?

He stole £20,000 yet has spent his time in parliament accusing others of detracting from the public purse.

He's not the only one, either. By a long chalk.

I am Stan said...

Yo Dickie,I hear on the Stanvine that some bad- ass niggers are looking forward to meeting him in the showers....nice!..;-)

Anonymous said...

Ripped the scab off the best bottle of Laphroaig Quarter-Cask and quaffed a dram or two after hearing this news. A rather tasty cigarillo went well with the snifters.
Fuck the bastard! That's my exhortation to his fellow inmates!

Wrinkled Weasel said...

Dear Dick, are you a mustelaphobe?

I am deeply offended. I have been out as a Weasel for some years now and it is this sort of talk that puts our species back a long way. We in the Weasel Stoat & Mink (WSM) Community have fought against mustelaphobic language and jibes about "going POP" for too long don't you think?

When you get people in the media mistaking Weasels for Stoats and then lamely telling us, "Well how can you tell the difference?" This is offensive and bigoted. Have you any idea how it feels when somebody says "All fur coat and no knickers?" Thank Goodness for the good old BBc's Springwatch.

Many MPs are in fact Weasels, and almost all traffic wardens and border control people, but judging from your use of unhelpful language, many will now feel they must keep their proclivities a secret.

I suggest you make a donation to the next Weasel Awareness Day. I would send you a little plastic wristband but they are mainly designed for us, so you would have to wear it on your thumb.


Wrinkled Weasel

Wrinkled Weasel said...

Or you could wear it as a cock ring.

Trooper Thompson said...

Comedy gold from the Weasel.

Neal Asher said...

Only 649 to go.

Dick the Prick said...

A weasel diversity training course can be obtained at the cut down price of £2,500 from the Charity Commission. Don't delay!