Thursday 13 January 2011

The Health & Safety Danger To Trump All Others

Which do you reckon a risk-averse council would be most worried about?

- Hammering nails through your body
- Hanging from chains via piercings in your nipples
- Charging yourself with 300,000 volts and firing lightning from your fingertips
- Dragging a hoover around with your cock
- Swallowing a revolving electric drill
- Eating smashed lightbulbs
- Staple-gunning playing cards to your face
- Rectally inserting a fluorescent tube
- Smoking a cigarette

Aw shucks, you guessed it.

The Circus of Horrors, which began life at Glastonbury 15 years ago, said today it was locked in a battle with officials at the Corn Exhange, in King's Lynn, after being asked to provide a risk assessment for performers smoking on stage in order that an exemption could be sought from the council's health and safety and licensing departments.

[The show's ringmaster, John Haze said,] "To be honest, it seemed a bit stupid that we had to provide a risk assessment, given all the stuff we do. We had to do an assessment on how you light it and how you put it out. It just seems mad that they are going on about a tiny thing like smoking."
Good grief.

Keep cutting, Osborne and chums - as you can see, there's plenty of public sector flab still to be trimmed.


Gawain Towler said...

It all reminds me of the Spanner case

Priceless word verification...

Pat Nurse MA said...

I just spoke to them DP - it seems Kings Lynn did allow it to go on with the smoking - but one dick (no offence) kept trying to tell the performers they were wrong when they insisted there was an exemption to allow smoking on stage.
The performers say the reason they do this act is to highlight the stupidity of the smoking ban - when you bear in mind the myriad of other far more "dangerous" stunts in the act.
Just writing it up now for the Skegness Standard :)

Dick Puddlecote said...

Gawain: Describes the country perfectly. ;)

Pat: Very interesting, do let us know if/when your article is published online anywhere.

Pat Nurse MA said...

Will do - and if it only gets into a hard copy of the paper, I'll scan it in for you :)

Were a weekly and come out next Weds - 19th - so google it and you might find it.

Anonymous said...


The same nonsense is going on near to me.

This part of their act was banned in Kings Lynn though.

Dick Puddlecote said...

Mud in the Blood: "not suitable for children, people of a nervous disposition, chavs & sissies"

Ha! Love it! :)

Michael Fowke said...

Unfortunately, the government won't cut these sort of people from the public services.

Smoking Hot said...

Nice one, Pat

Brian said...

I hope those smashed lightbulbs were the polar bear-killing incandescent type rather than the penguin-friendly fluorescents that greenies are foisting on us. Sticking them up Mandelson Avenue is indeed the best thing for them.

budgie said...

Dwarf rushed to hospital after gluing his penis to a hoover

First Aid Training said...

Pat, i agree with you.

johnlinford said...

As someone who used to manage the health and safety of a venue, having a risk assessment for smoking is not at all innapropriate - we had a stock one that specified types of lighter to be used (had the be self-extinguishing) and ash-try locations.

There is an historic fear of fire in theatres from when gas and limes were used and fire was much more prone.

That said, my experience of councils (one insisted on an inspection of the venue so that we could use a toy bow and arrow on stage - real ones are expressly forbidden in the licensing conditions) show them to be generally a waste of money...