Saturday 29 August 2009

It's Confirmed. Scotland Is Going Insane

What on earth is happening in Jockland? I've joked about their recent vicious addiction to Stalinist bansturbation, but this deserves some sort of award for fuckwittery above and beyond the call of duty.

BAR staff in Edinburgh have been banned from asking customers if they would like the "same again" – and told to offer a glass of water instead. The move ... has been introduced as part of the Licensing (Scotland) Act which comes into force next week

A prize of "cash behind the bar" can no longer be given as a reward for winning a pub quiz, while special offers such as "buy two glasses of wine and get the rest of the bottle free" have also been outlawed.

And offering free drinks to customers who have perhaps waited too long for a meal or suffered some other inconvenience has also been prohibited.

Some publicans say they have even been told to keep a note of how much each individual customer had consumed.

Not content with killing off thousands of pubs by telling them they have to throw their customers outside for enjoying a legal product, these interfering spoodge-garglers are now forcing bar workers into mandatory - yes, mandatory - training courses which instruct them how to discourage customers from buying the very fucking products that their employer sells!

Are those who thought this up suffering from some sort of clue deficit disorder? If I ran a pub and one of my staff were stopping Jock and his wifey from having 'the same again' but handing them a glass of water instead, his P45 would be in his hand the moment he had released his grip on the tap.

The health hysteria north of the border has gone beyond misguided, or authoritarian - this surely confirms that those in positions of authority in Scotland are descending rapidly into insanity.

As one bar owner succinctly put it:

"We have had all of our freedom taken away to try to run a bar, and provide a social and fun place."

All this, remember, in a drive to restrict the public to unit intakes pulled out of thin air, when we are all drinking less than ten years ago, and in the face of recent revelations that light drinkers/teetotallers are a cost burden on the NHS. And in an environment where only those over 18, which is usually the age at which we assume a person should be entitled to make their own decisions in life, are legally allowed to purchase the products on offer.

Anyone who lives in the Soviet republic of Jockland has my deepest sympathy. You are being led by psychotically puritan politicians who are so dense they could bend light.

Good grief.


manwiddicombe said...

What next? Will we need a licence to pour a drink at home?

Anonymous said...

Clamping down on alcohol was
probably part of the deal
with Libya.
Shut the bars ,set the killers free
and we'lle send you some figs and

Eddy Plantagenet(1st)

Unknown said...

And my mother and sister wonder why I don't visit so often anymore. WTF is going on up there?

MarieC said...

Since I don't go to pubs or Edinburgh anymore I won't be partaking of the 'glass of water' on offer in the Holyrood city, thank you very much. It is insane, but no more so than banning an author's photo because she is smoking, as you've already commented. The whole of the UK is going down the tubes. Don't forget there are still some Scots left who recognise that this is fuckwittery but if this lot(SNP)get voted out we'll probably get the Scottish version of NuLabour back in as it's unlikely that the Tories will ever have much support here.
ps Dick, For your information and no offence taken - we really don't like being called Jocks, Jokey and wifey or other such. It's as insulting as other racist labels which I'm sure you'd never use!

Dick Puddlecote said...

Fair enough, I'll use caber-chuckers or haggis-munchers in future. ;-)

MarieC said...

Thanks, that'll be fine then! Don't want you to think we're thin-skinned. You know I love you really. Ask BTS.

Witterings from Witney said...

I don't know DP - I go out for a couple of hours to have lunch with a lady, come home and find you 'beat me to it again', albeit so much better.

Never mind the Soviet Republic of Jockland - the law of gravity means what starts up top always comes down - won't be long before the Idiots here start the same!

Having been to Oban, Skye and Islay all the locals are absolutely fed up - being Scotland there are usually more outside the pub than inside - and its bloody cold up there even brass monkeys still have their 'Eds'!

RantinRab said...

I don't care what we get called, Jock is fine by my me!

Where I work, (supermarket), to prepare for the new licensing law, all non liquid products have been removed from the booze section. Lemon slices, cork screws, nuts etc etc. It's madness.

Geordie said...

Divvent ye dare gaan caallin me Geordie, dickie lad, just cos aah lives in Newcassel, thas' nee need tuh be offensiv



Anonymous said...

Has no one named and shamed the idiots spouting this stupidity,surely if the had to put their name to it instead of being annonymous they would think twice.What are the bar owners doing about it too?

Sam Duncan said...

“For your information and no offence taken - we really don't like being called Jocks”

Speak for yourself. Doesn't bother me in the slightest. Knock yourself out, Dick.

And since when were the Anglo-Saxons north of the Tweed a distinct bloody race from those south of it? What does that make the Teuchters? Another species?

“Where I work, (supermarket), to prepare for the new licensing law, all non liquid products have been removed from the booze section. Lemon slices, cork screws, nuts etc etc. It's madness.”

No, they're quite right, Rab. The booze department is a sinful place, and the pure of heart in search of lemon slices or nuts mustn't be tempted to stray from the path of righteousness.

Anonymous said...

I was thinking about moving back home but I think I'll go south instead - like Greece.

Hope someone asks for a treble whisky to go with their glass of water...

How long before we get a weekly ration card to be produced for checking when you buy booze?

Time to dig out the demijohns again.


Anonymous said...

30 years ago, there wasn't much difference between beer and water or, indeed, lager and cat's piss. Most were less than 3%.

IanPJ said...

Madness indeed.

Dick, I wonder how many of your readers are incensed and fed up to the back teeth by this kind of authoritarian behaviour.

Then I wonder how many who are incensed are going to do anything about it, other than merely shrugging their shoulders, but actually do something, like joining the Libertarian Party so we can put an end to this kind of.... well, madness is the only word really.

Because lets be honest, the SNP are going mad, Labour will make it worse and Cameron's Tories are not going to change it.

timbone said...

A comment from another sasanak south of hadrians wall (which should be rebuilt) - no, seriously folks, another recent headline from the media concerning the demon drink. Another shed load spent on some valuable research, worth every peny. Did you know that Britains drink more when they are on holiday? I would never have guessed that in a million pounds.

Katabasis said...

If we're looking for something that might make the English riot, this could be it..... is there any substantial resistance to this in Scotland yet?

Old Holborn said...

I've never, ever seen a Jock with a problem in telling people to "fuck off"

Especially at Waterloo Station

Leg-iron said...

I'm beginning to wonder if there's some major global disaster on the way, the main parties all know about it and none of them want to be in charge when it hits.

They're all desperately trying to lose as many votes as possible with obviously pointless new rules.

Well, at least the SNP are showing their true face now.

It's not pretty.

Mr. A said...

I have to admit, as frightening and pathetic as this development is, I can't help but feel a (very) slight sense of satisfaction in knowing that all the pub-goers who said, "I'm a libertarian and I like a drink but I'm glad they've banned smoking in pubs" are now getting exactly what we predicted they'd get.

I hope they feel utterly foolish about when we said that fags were only the first step and they'd be next and they scoffed and jeered "Godwin's Law! Godwin's Law!" I saw on Comrade Beeb that they've also tried Post-Office style queing in some pubs (the pub-goers hated it as it killed all atmosphere, so expect it to be law within the year) and having people stand in separate "sin queues" if buying booze in supermarkets so that the unRighteous can feel suitably ashamed as they stand in their adult version of the naughty step. Serioulsy, judging from all the booze non-stories in the media nowadays they're gearing up for something. Something big. You wouldn't think we were involved in an overseas conflict and a global Depression given these idiots' priorities, would you?

junican said...

I do not think that the Scots are insane. Nor are they stupid. I think that 90% (or more) of Scots never go to pubs. Therefore, pubs are irrelevent to 90% of the population.
The 20% of the population who smoke are not, generally, bothered about pubs. Provided that they can get their booze and fags from the supermarket to enjoy at home, they are not bothered about the politics.

Now let us take this scenario to the extreme. Let us suppose that the Health Fanatics somehow persuaded the Scotish Government to try to ban the sale of tobacco and alcohol completely.

In those circumstances, I think that we would see a spontaneous, mass uprising. The 20 million people in the UK who enjoy tobacco (and booze) would rebel.

The really sad thing is that what we are experiencing at the moment as regards the Smoking Ban is just the thin end of the wedge. The enjoyment of tobacco will, one way or another, continue to be demonised until the Health Fanatics have got their way. The fact that, if it is true that smoking and drinking are so devastatingly awful healthwise, if you totally remove this problem, millions of people will live longer and thus be a drain on the NHS and a drain on the public funds via pensions, seems to be of no importance whatsoever.

The really serious problem that we smokers and drinkers have is HOW TO MOBILISE OPINION TO UNDERSTAND THAT ALL OUR FREEDOMS ARE THREATENED.

I do not think that I have explained myself very well, but I have tried my best.

MarieC said...

Junican, I think you have explained it very well.
I think it will perhaps make a lot of people realise just how far these Health Fanatics want to go. This rubbish will just get laughed at.

btw, so I'm in a minority - I don't like being called a Jock. Maybe it's a guy thing! However I suppose I should be grateful that Dick didn't use one of his favourite 'c' words to describe us.

Anonymous said...

To be honest, I'm bewildered by what's going on. As Mr A points out you wouldn't think that we have a recession, wars and dreadful social problems. Is it that politicians have decided to tackle the big problems by manipulating the behaviour of individuals rather than by historical means; is it that misguided policies during the past 12 years have created such huge problems that they have little idea how to cope with them or is it that so much power has been ceded to the EU that there is little for our politicians to do except justify their existence by micro-meddling?

Perhaps I'm just becoming hyper-sensitive but I see the preaching extending everywhere these days - I was buying food in M&S yesterday and was exhorted to buy fruit and veg as part of my five-a-day, huge posters declaring that M&S is leading the way in cutting salt from its prepared meals and that, To Save The Planet, bags will no longer be free. I don't expect to be preached at by a bloody shop.

Does LPUK have any candidates standing in the North East of England?


MarieC said...

Just saw this which says it all:

Of the Alcohol Bill, Patrick Browne, chief executive of the Scottish Beer and Pub Association, said: "The current situation would be laughable if livelihoods and jobs weren't at stake."

A Scottish Government spokeswoman said: "This governmentis confident the effects of these changes will be to raise standards across the trade, to help prevent crime and disorder, protect and improve public health, and protect children from harm."

Dick Puddlecote said...

"help prevent crime and disorder, protect and improve public health, and protect children from harm"

And there you have the incontestable reasoning for all of this. If one disagrees, it surely means that you believe crime should go unchecked, that public health should deteriorate, and the biggie, that you agree with child abuse.

Personally, I find that using kids as mind manipulation tools is an abuse of children in itself.

Unfortunately, the public doesn't see through this. So all a politician has to do to force his own will on the rest of us is to say he is doing it for the chiiildren.

Dick Puddlecote said...

Katabasis: There are plenty of 'OMG' type comments from the Sporranites whenever these stories pop up, but as Ian PJ said, no-one seems prepared to stand up and say enough is enough.

It's well beyond time.

It would be most helpful if the hospitality and drinks industry would stop behaving with guilt and fight properly, instead of back-tracking and appeasing the government both north and south of the border. They didn't do so prior to the Health Act 2006, the next time it will be them in the firing line (if it hasn't started in earnest already). If they could grow a spine and start threatening the politicians with the huge resources behind them, we might see a change.

In the meantime, we have to do what we can individually, like supporting parties outside of the main three. LPUK being a fine example.

MarieC said...

"help prevent crime and disorder, protect and improve public health, and protect children from harm"

Unfortunately, the public doesn't see through this. So all a politician has to do to force his own will on the rest of us is to say he is doing it for the chiiildren.

I knew you like this - just love it when you use that 'c' word Dick.

vincent1 said...

If the publicans all had a two week holiday, at the same time, that would tell their meddling government healthists, what they think to their daft and controlling ideas. (just dreaming again)

They need to stick together to become effective, like some of the other EU Countries.
If the hospitality industry cannot see this coming to the rest of the UK what hope have we got.
Boycotting is my little way to get back at them and I am sure many others do the same.

Great piece of writing Dick, thank you, and great comments.

subrosa said...

I'm no sporranite any more than you're a bell wearer DP but I'm quite prepared to stand up and be counted.

In fact you've motivated me enough for me to shout about it today, once I've wakened up!