Friday 5 November 2010

Barmy Army

Just to show that gullibility is no bar to holding high public office these days, check out these recommendations from U.S. Army Public Health Command on how to avoid the entirely fictional dangers of thirdhand smoke.

There are ways to minimize the impact of third-hand smoke in residences and automobiles:

• Detoxify your home and vehicle. Tobacco smoke will infiltrate every crevice. Open windows and doors and let in fresh air when the weather permits.

• Do a thorough cleaning. Start by washing all clothing, bedcovers, drapes and furnishings. This includes windows, doors, walls, ceilings, kitchen cabinets, wall hangings, light fixtures, blinds and shades.

• Steam-clean carpet and upholstered furniture and car seats. Make sure to use a cleaning agent and not just a deodorizer that only masks the smell.

• Remove smoke-infused wallpaper.

• Replace all heating and air conditioning filters regularly.

• Use several coats of non-toxic sealant and paint to prevent odors and nicotine stains from leaching through the paint.
For once I'm speechless, so here is a completely unrelated video instead.


Anonymous said...

And next: How to avoid being bitten by a cauliflower............

SadButMadLad said...

Aaah! That's why I didn't do too well in my previous life of a builder/handyman - I didn't charge over the odds for removing 2nd-hand smoke from wallpaper and sealing the walls with several costs of sealand and paint.

Anonymous said...

I expect next week we'll find that third hand smoke has also evolved to the point where it can utilise microwaves, so you had better throw that mobile phone gizmo away unless you want a regular earful of third hand smoke ....

BTS said...

Also worthy of a mention on that particular website was an article on their front page entitled 'Top issues discussed at Army Family Action Plan conference'.

Which begins: 'After an intense two days of researching and discussing issues that impact the Army community, delegates at the annual Fort Gordon Army Family Action Plan conference decided on the top five issues they felt should be forwarded to Training and Doctrine Command.'

(That would presumably translate as 16 hours of fat people arguing about what they'd read in the local paper stretched out over the course of two days, interspersed with copious lunch breaks, snack breaks, elevenses, coffee breaks, brunch, a brief trip to the KFC drive-through..)

Swiftly followed by this beauty: 'The number one issue was support for family members with non-medically diagnosed learning disorders.'

Now, I don't mean to sound uncaring or inconsiderate, but isn't a 'non-medically diagnosed learning disorder' a rather elaborate (assuming one is quite thick..) and excessively pc way of saying 'stupid'..?

And thanks to SadButMadLad for making that point - bearing in mind that next week is an exterior job, I ought to be able to ask for danger money because the roof tiles must have absorbed tons of smoke over the years. Smoke does still rise, doesn't it..?