Friday 12 November 2010

Fishing For Tiddlers This Weekend?

Going fishing this weekend? Don't forget the tweezers to hold your dick with when having a slash, then.

Yes, it's those anaemic fucknuckles at PETA again. When they're not killing animals (too much hassle as they interrupt sleb-chasing), or taunting the families of swine flu victims, it seems they're not averse to primary school level insults.

[...] we wondered whether men who spend their time on a wet riverbank holding an extendable phallic object and being cruel to fish may be engaging in another form of overcompensation. Our top brains have taken a wealth of research findings and coupled them with the average size of men's genitalia in the UK to create a special formula which calculates how those who inflict pain and suffering on innocent animals likely measure up against those who don't.
That's right. If you are an angler, you quite obviously smell, and possess a tiny cock (what female angler inadequacies are, they don't say). Or, as one of PETA's 'testimonials' puts it.

"I got jealous just handling the maggots", Mike, Newcastle
Hmm. Now, although it all sounds very scientific, PETA, I think those who fish actually do so for the relaxation and solitude/camaraderie (delete as applicable).

Oh yeah, and also because hooking sea kittens for fun pisses off pasty-faced, tofu-nibbling, socially-inadequate, bleeding-heart, perennially-tearful, effete vegans something rotten.

(In case you were wondering, no I don't fish. But I do eat rabbit - lovely, fluffy-eared, gently lolloping rabbit. Delicious)


Bill Sticker said...

I go fishing to get away from the holier than thou bullshit spouted by organisations like PETA. It's their fault. They're driving me to it.

andy5759 said...

Tight lines, Bill!

Pavlov's Cat said...

I think there may be something to it,
My brother is a keen carp fisherman and I happen to know that he has a very small penis.

I am Stan said...

Yo Dikie,

I loooove fishing,in fact me and the squeeze are off to the Lake district next week for a bit of dangling,and my knob`s a whopper!....

Ian R Thorpe said...

Just about to tuck into a delicious lamb casserole here.

So blokes who do occasionally unpleasant things to animals are sexual inadequates eh?

And I always thought matadors were supposed to be horny bastards.

Dick Puddlecote said...

Bill: Cause and effect. Obvious, really.

Pavlov C: Thanks for helping me re-decorate my keyboard. :)

Stan: As if it was ever in doubt.

Ian: I think you meant to say 'cute, cuddly, baby lamb' casserole. ;)

Snowolf said...

I've an arse here they can kiss.

I don't go fishing, because I think it would bore me to death, fish don't do facial expressions very well. Going into a field and seeing the look on a cow's face when you tip it over, that's entertainment.

Bucko said...

Quickly scrolling down the blogroll I spotted "Fisting Toddlers This Weekend".
I nearly swallowed my tonsils.

Dick Puddlecote said...

Bucko: Now that would bring in the stats!

Anonymous said...

What,with angling, blogging,
F1, golf,Premiership football,
X Factor and late night porn,
no wonder we still have a smoking ban.

McGinty's Goat

BTS said...

PETA reckon I have a huge cock because I don't consider myself an angler (I live by the Thames ffs - you'd have to slightly deranged when it's all pubs and clubs..), I don't own a sports car (because I don't drive - I let the girls buy the cars and bikes) and because I don't own a whole bunch of power-tools (because the boss buys them).

And there was me quite happy to go along with the ecstatic screams and wild adulation of girls..

Leg-iron said...

Oh, carp.

I smoke, I drink, I eat meat and I go fishing too.

Might as well get fat and join a church and get the whole set.

I have a freezer stocked with brown, blue and rainbow trout though, so two-fingers to the veggies.

And while mine isn't as long as the picture, at least it's not so thin and bendy.

Best of all, there's nothing biting the end of it.

JuliaM said...

"That's right. If you are an angler, you quite obviously smell, and possess a tiny cock (what female angler inadequacies are, they don't say)."

The same, perhaps? ;)

JuliaM said...

"Best of all, there's nothing biting the end of it."

Come to Essex! Your luck will soon change - I know a few nightclubs in Basildon... :D

Woman on a Raft said...

Our top brains have....

Shouldn't worry too much then.

Do Peta not understand; to a hungry woman there's absolutely nothing as attractive as a glittering dinner which takes only minutes to cook?

Dadder Raft was a very good sea angler; always coming home with braces of mackerel and flat fish. Apart from it being an improper subject, I don't recall Nanna Raft (as she is now, Mummy as she was then) ever mentioning he even had a rod.

There were rather a lot of us little Rafts, though.

Woman on a Raft said...

Incidentally, if they want to put me off, a silhouette of a bloke hooking a salmon (butter, lemon, don't muck it up with salt and pepper, you want to taste the ocean) is not going to do it.

Chapcustard said...

PETA must hate me then. I don't fish to torture or kill them, nor do I even stand on the bank with an extended phallus substitute. I'm afraid I must out myself as a fish rapist.

I stand in the fast flowing waters, naked apart from a pair of tight fitting, bright red PVC waders and an erection that can be described as 'vaguely noticeable' at best (hey, it's cold). I wait until those scaly skinned little sluts wiggle their way up to me and then I pounce, holding a fish knife to their throats (have you ever tried to find a salmons throat? It's not easy) and then have my wicked way with them.

There's nothing I like more than wiping the filthy little smile off the face of a plump rainbow trout but sometimes the guilt is overwhelming. I suspect that one day I may repent, join PETA and then kill myself. But until then I will continue to lurk around the river banks, waiting for my next wide eyed, slippery victim.

Dick Puddlecote said...

Chapcustard: Well, at least it gets you out in the fresh air. ;)

Anonymous said...

The "sea kittens" thing actually made me quite uncomfortable. It's overly cute and obviously aimed at kids... it's probably one of the most abusive pieces of brainwashing I've ever seen.

Anonymous said...

Can one still smoke whilst angling?

Surely all that ETS/THS is gonna kill the poor "sea kitten" if you hold it too near when you take the hook out of its mouth?