Thursday, 25 February 2010

The Eyes - They Burn!

The SNP, sponsored by Argos, have unveiled the next step in their plan to hide from view every product which they don't personally like.

REMOVING the display of sweets in shops and restricting the sale of high-calorie food near schools are among radical government proposals to make Scotland the first country in the world to successfully tackle obesity.
Since they have already also legislated to hide tobacco, one must assume that the SNP view Scots as so very irresponsible that cans of beer, Penthouse, crisps, ham and bacon, fireworks, The Daily Sport, tea, coffee, saucy birthday cards, salt, peanuts, plastic spoons, quiche lorraine, and Firehouse Dog will also soon be on the list of items to be hidden away from caledonian proles. All for their own good, natch.

Convenience shops will look a trifle bare, though. Might as well put the counter in front of the shop window, the stock out the back, and have done with it.


Uncle Marvo said...

Good Lord. I wonder what Polymentum Salmond says to that?

JohnRS said...

Socialists, doncha just love 'em?

I assume this will apply to the big supermarkets as well.

So I guess we'll have a specially secured "adults only" section right at the back totally screened off from the chiiiiiiildren. Walls right up to the ceiling so they can't peer in and get a glimpse of a packet of crisps or a Mars bar - which would of course pyschologically scar them for life. You'll only be able to get in by swiping your loyalty card (and giving a sample of DNA for the local plod to use to fit you up for something).

You'll have to leave your kids outside with the friendly rep from Social Services. They'll have been taken into care by the time you get back. You'll be charged with child abandonment as they'll be able to prove you were in Lagos instead of with your kids (remember the DNA?) and if that doesnt work they'll declare you unfit to be a parent - after all you'll have banned goods like crisps or fags in your possession.

Now they get to brainwash all the chiiiiiiiildren.

Job done.

Unknown said...

Add soup to that list DP. Heard this this morning:

Warning over salt levels in soup

Many soups sold in high street cafes and supermarkets may not offer the healthy option customers are seeking, a pressure group has warned.

Consensus Action on Salt and Health (Cash) said 25% of 575 types of soup it analysed failed to meet Food Standards Agency targets on salt content.

Is nothing safe from these cunts?

Anonymous said...

I would have thought the Scottish government were the last people you would want to have anything to do with your children from what i've been hearing on some sites
their all under suspiscion of harbouring Paedophiles.
Bit like the catholic church.

Objectionable said...

The bansturbators are going to be out in force tomorrow evening.

Meeting in front of the Tesco on Bishopsgate (opposite Liverpool St station) at 6pm on Friday 26 February.

This is called Feminist Friday this month Tesco is the victim. The thinking behind it is that Tesco has banned the wearing of pyjamas and slippers in some stores but continues to sell and promote pornography to adults and children in the form of lads mags?!

If you want to join them, then please bring a pair of pyjamas and slippers.

For people who have not taken part before, Feminist Fridays are an opportunity to terrorise staff and customers of the store. You can join other nutters by disrupting newspaper and magazine displays. This involves putting the "offending" publications into bags with slogans on them such as “Lad mags are evil”.

BTS said...

What a great day for acronyms - CASH (truly inspired) and the title of the report 'Preventing Overweight And Obesity In Scotland'. Fucking genius..

swing low sweet chariot said...

The SNP quite like pylons and crematoria though..

Anonymous said...

Argos could start opening corner shop's, i wonder if they are secretly funding these people.

Bucko said...

"restricting the sale of high-calorie food near schools"

What if an ADULT lives near a school and wants to buy some high calorie food? Fish and chips for lunch, say. Brainless fuckwits.

"Consensus Action on Salt and Health (Cash) said 25% of 575 types of soup it analysed failed to meet Food Standards Agency targets on salt content."

Who the fuck forms a pressure group about salt???!!!
And I cannot believe some people have nothing better to do that go around cafes TESTING FUCKING SOUP!!

Sorry. That post made me a tad angry. Im off for a beer... Anyone fancy a pint?

Demetrius said...


Fredrik Eich said...

From The Publican smoking ban has not closed pubs . Black is white. Up is down.

Pingu in Portugal said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Pingu in Portugal said...

I think that I know which country will be thee first to ruin my idea for part of a dystopian fiction novel.

I do get so tired of my dystopia ideas being factual.