Sunday, 15 February 2009

Stupid Scotsman

Apologies to those north of the border with a brain, but there really is no other way of headlining the stunning backward nature of articles in the Scotsman.

This is the latest tripe from an organ that excels in producing ill-researched garbage on a regular basis.

Revealed: true scale of nation over the limit

EVERY man and woman over 16 in Scotland is downing an average of 23 units of alcohol a week, shocking new government figures have revealed.

What? Every one? Good effort, but they're not trying hard enough. Fucking lightweights, I did more than that in the past two days! It is truly shocking that Scotland seems to have lost its rebellion. Starting with the scum-sucking cunts at the Scotsman.

Despite maximum safe limits of just 14 units for women and 21 for men, previously secret drinks industry statistics have proved the entire nation is effectively over the limit.

Hold on. Rewind that. Maximum safe limits? I thought they were just 'advisory'. Or have we moved past that now?

Listen, you brazen chimp-fuckers, the limits were made up. They are a fantasy. By just quoting them without cursory examination, you already exhibit severe fuckwittery, but couching them as "maximum limits" makes you a fucktard of the highest order.

Here we bloody go again. It really shouldn't need to be reiterated to someone in the press, but it might be worth your engaging in research before employing keyboard. If you had performed such a function, you might have found out that the proof was in the words of one of the committee that first plucked that 'maximum' figure out of their lardy arses.

The disclosure that the 1987 recommendation was prompted by “a feeling that you had to say something” came from Richard Smith, a member of the Royal College of Physicians working party that produced it.

He told The Times that the committee’s epidemiologist had confessed that “it’s impossible to say what’s safe and what isn’t” because “we don’t really have any data whatsoever”.

2009 translation from daft Jock hacks? 'Maximum limits'.

What sort of cock writes shit like this?

Twenty-three units is the equivalent of around seven and a half pints of 5% lager or six and a half large glasses of typical red wine, although exact figures will vary from brand to brand.

Well, fuck me! I see your point now, you illiberal wankstain. Just under one glass of wine per day is fucking scandalous!

Bruce Ritson, the chairman of the medical pressure group Scottish Health Action on Alcohol Problems, or Shaap, said the sheer scale of consumption meant Scots had to realise excessive drinking was no longer a minority issue.

{Sniff} I think I smell the aroma of a fake charity ... and there, in the public domain, on their own web-site, is the proof.

SHAAP was set up in November 2006 by the Scottish Medical Royal Colleges and Faculties through their intercollegiate group on alcohol.


SHAAP has received start-up funding from the Scottish Government for three years.

Anyway, back to what the taxpayer-funded SHAAP cock-sucker said:

He said: "We can no longer kid ourselves that alcohol misuse is somebody else's problem. These figures show that as a nation, we are drinking well over the limit and we're paying the price with more people admitted to hospital every day as a result of alcohol and the fastest growing liver cirrhosis rate in the world. Overall alcohol consumption must come down."

Says fucking who? When were you elected to dictate on what Scots like to do in their private lives? It is a personal choice, that is to say, it isn't up to you to demand that consumption must come down for others. Sucking up public money to throw back shite like this at people who have paid your wages for the past three years is a bit rich, doncha think?

I'm sorry to burst your particular righteous bubble, but alcohol misuse is most definitely someone else's problem. Your body is your problem, anyone else's is their problem. Or would you rather I turn up at your door and decide what I think is best for you based on my personal preferences? Actually, if it mirrors your attitude, I'd be forcing the opinion of whomever pays me down your righteous throat.

Cue the NHS blackmail.

The Scottish Government has estimated the financial cost of over-drinking – including the expense to the NHS and criminal justice system for alcohol-related disease and offending – at £2.25bn a year.

Is that all? And compared with generated income from duty on Scottish alcohol sales? As usual, those figures seem to have been omitted.

Stupid fucking Scotsman.


Witterings from Witney said...

Demonstrates that which I have complained about previously, namely 'sloppy' journalism. You can even find instances, in the British press, where one journalist copies/pastes stories from another paper!

Lawson said...

I just saw a Health Warning on a pack of piano wire.

It said:

Being a smug anti-drinker, tobacco prohibitionist or self righteous prick may result in serious harm to yourself and hilarity to those in the vicinty of your well deserved demise.

Curmudgeon said...

Jeez, what a load of totalitarian wank.

Words fail me...

Cate Munro said...

"What? Every one? Good effort, but they're not trying hard enough. Fucking lightweights, I did more than that in the past two days!"
Jesus - tell me about it! How DARE they tell people like ME what to fucking drink! Might aswell go and live in north fucking Korea!!

Anonymous said...

'The Scotsman' used to be a quality paper - in recent years it's printed, sans any critical evaluation, the latest drivel from the anti-smoking lobby and now continues this fine tradition with alcohol.

Are people beginning to join the dots between passive smoking, alcohol and obesity?


Leg-iron said...

The bottle of Tormore sitting here claims it contains 28 units. It won't last two nights.

So if the average is 23 per week, they must be counting babies and the dead.

My favourite is the tagline 'Please drink responsibly' on every bottle, every can, even on Gold Label and Special Brew.

Drink responsibly? They seem to have missed the point.

Anonymous said...

I started today with a delicious can of Tennants Super - breakfast of Grampians!

banned said...

Who was it who said " bottles of whisky are like tits, one's not enough but three are too many " ?

I don't care about their guidlines, I just wanna get pissed.

Alcohol quotas coming your way > Marry a teetotalist.

Anonymous said...

I'm afraid to say that I'm beating you all hands down - 27 units for me today. Work can be so hard sometimes..