Tuesday, 6 October 2009

Sorry, But That's Not A Breakfast

The Irish referendum result is scary enough as it is, but if it leads indirectly to anymore of this nonsense, there's a serious possibility that I could do time.

Listen, Ibis, a croissant, a slice of cheese and a smile is not a breakfast, OK? Especially not at £5.50 a pop.

Actually, forget the smile too if an experience at a Holiday Inn Express in Stevenage last year is anything to go by. For the simple reason that you serve your bloody self!

Let's be honest about this, it's a ploy to offer cheap rooms disguised by a nod to health-conscious dogma. Continental breakfast? Fuck off - you're sited in England.

Breakfast must include bacon, and at least one choice of egg serving, or it isn't a fucking breakfast. Sausages and beans would be nice too, the fried tomato I can take or leave.

Cookies, Brazilian fruits and uncooked Spanish meat? What the fuckety-fuck is that?

Being a tight-fisted bastard, I reluctantly booked the place anyway. I figure, it's in the Midlands so there must surely be a greasy spoon nearby. Or, at worst, a McDonalds.

Continental breakfast, my arse.


Pavlov's Cat said...

Well said sir, I've had a cooked breakfast in hotels from Tangiers to Tokyo , from Dahab to Daintree.

Yet only in England have I been in hotels where this is not an option ( or if it is, they fly the chef in specially and try to charge you £22.50)

Unknown said...

Couldn’t agree more! A nice little hotel a couple of miles from me in Edwinstowe, about ½ mile from the Major Oak, charges £17 per night (it's a nice room too) for BB. What’s the breakfast like…wait for it…choice of cereal, tea or coffee, toast, bacon, sausage, egg fried, poached or scrambled, fresh tomato, beans and a slice of fried bread.

I’m going to spend a couple of nights there soon, why? What a dumb question. No not the bloody breakfast. The landlady has an hour-glass figure and wears tight jeans…those tight, tight jeans…for Christ’s sake.

In the meantime I keep waking up in the middle of the night shouting…”I want that breakfast!”

Just why do you suppose that is?

Anonymous said...

Point of order, Sir.

Ibis are a French chain, so what do you expect.

More generally though, breakfasts have long been one of the scams of British hoteliers.

Holiday Inn Edinburgh: £13 to get into the restaurant for breakfast buffet. Even if all you want is some weetabix and a cup of sodding tea. The temptation to fill a bag with bagels, croissants and pastries, as a sop to one's colleagues is irresistable.

All this is as well, because as a business traveller, hotel breakfasts are a very bad habit to get into.

Cooking Lager said...

Tomato optional? The Toms make the brekkie. Black Pud too. You can keep the beans but brekkie is 2 egss, 3 rashers, 2 sausages, blackpud, mushrooms, tomato. Fried bread or toast is personal choice, but toms are a must.

banned said...

Premier Travel Inns for me, £7.50 eat as nuch as you want breakfast: buffet style fruit juices, coffee, toaster and Fresh fruit salad. Waiter delivered proper breakfast ( cooked to order in a kitchen you can see ) incl. porridge ( if required ) sausages ( x X ), bacons ( x X ), beans, toms, mushrooms and variously cooked eggs.

Dick the Prick said...


Thought you might like the above - Ozzie police have limited fans to just 24 cans of booze a day - the swine!!

The Filthy Engineer said...

What about this then?


You'd have to climb it first.

BTS said...

Breakfast is 37.5% and best served chilled..

Von Spreuth said...

the Ibis buffet is also complemented by local specialties—exotic fruits in Brazil, crêpes in France, uncooked meats in Spain

Oh GOOD!! Botulism as well!!!

Or do the fuckers expect ypou to cook your own?

Dick Puddlecote said...

Christ! Broadband down for 24 hours is a bastard, I had to watch that TV shit!

AJ: Good point about Ibis being French. I'd like to see how the frogs would react to an English hotel opening in Lyon and serving black pud, though.

Cooking Lager: Personally, I can be in the mood for toms, or not. Still infinitely better than an apple and fromage bloody frais, though.

Banned: I tend to avoid Premier Travel Inns - smoking in their non-smoking rooms isn't relaxing.

TFE: That made me hungry.

And as for the Aussie link, Dick the Prick, while I'm against bans of any sort, 24 cans seems very fair. Can you imagine the limit if such a thing were to be imposed over here? Probably a four pack and a demi-bottle of Lambrusco

Anonymous said...

Bad example.... Many European hotels serve blutwurst at breakfast :-p

I can but recommend the Holiday Inn in Lyon...



Dick Puddlecote said...

Isn't Holiday Inn intrinsically American, though?

Too pissed off this week to check.

SteveShark said...

The cheap B&B Hotel chain in France has a great buffet style breakfast with some interesting English touches:

Fruit Compote
Choice of many breads
Streaky bacon
Scrambled eggs

If there's only French staying, they tend to avoid the eggs and bacon, leaving plenty that you can make bacon baguettes from.

Maybe not the full English, but if you're crafty then you can nick enough for a reasonable en route lunch.

BTS said...

Interestingly, in the pictures of the rooms in Dick's link, the third would appear to have a magazine of some description conveniently open on the bed..