The Cotton Wool Statute

Sometimes, the most therapeutic way of tackling risk-averse authoritarians is to simply take the piss.

The meeting of the sub-committee IX (Rules and Procedures), after careful community consultation and using the latest in evidence based research, have released the following rules designed to make your lives safer and happier for you, your family, and our society.

•Starting Monday and Tuesday, you will be placed in cotton wool to avoid injury.
•The Department have conducted thorough safety checks and requires you to use government licensed cotton wool installers.
•Please proceed to any number of local Cotton Wool installation booths located near you.
•Ensure you have reported to your local Cotton Wool official at the start of the day, to ensure adherence to these new rules.
•If, as a last resort, you have to apply cotton wool yourself:

◦Please ensure you are well covered before assisting your children.
◦We recommend opening the packet before applying the cotton wool.
◦Sticky tape, placed directly on skin can cause irritation.

These rules are designed to protect you and your family. The Department estimates a saving of $4 billion a year in health care costs associated with scratches, grazes and hip replacements.

Yep, there are familiar themes there, right enough. Well played that man.