Saturday 12 December 2009

Female Pop Stars Caught Gunning Down Their Audience

Actually, it's worse than the title suggests. The Wail explains.

She's known for pushing the boundaries on what people expect of a popstar, but this time Lady Gaga may have gone to far [sic].

For performing in Canada, the 23-year-old shocked attendees by lighting up a cigarette and inhaling deeply - despite the fact smoking indoors is illegal in British Columbia.

Shocked, they were. Shocked, no less. The Sex Pistols swearing and gobbing were mild in comparison to Lady GaGa unleashing chemical warfare on her audience. Safety consultants around the world are now advising the issue of a bio-hazard suit with every sale of a Lady GaGa concert ticket.

In other news, Lily Allen has also been implicated in this new female-led assault on the health of concert-goers everywhere.

Lily Allen sparks smoking ban row at Liverpool Echo Arena gig

STARLET Lily Allen angered fans after appearing to light up on stage during a city gig.

One fan said she ruined his night because other revellers then started to follow suit.

An investigation is now underway by environmental protection officers after photos surfaced apparently showing the misdemeanour.

One of those present was incandescent with rage at the orchestrated attack, employing a substance which, as everybody knows, was reclassified as mustard gas in July 2007.

Dad-of-two David Hall, 52, who attended the gig said once Lily started smoking others around him joined in.

Mr Hall, a carer from Irby, Wirral, told the ECHO: “Lily sucked a puff of a fag and I thought maybe she’s feeling a bit tense but that was the trigger for people’s cigarettes to come out. They thought ‘because she’s doing it, so can I’. But the cigarettes were waving about in my children’s faces.”

Mr Hall paid £23 each for his wife Nicky, 17-year-old daughter Robyn and son Freddie, 15, to go to the concert.

He added: “We like Lily Allen because she’s a bit of a rebel.

“But it completely ruined the night.”

Immediately prior to his googling 'irony' on his iPhone.

When questioned further, Mr Hall said that references to spending ages giving head, post-coital wet patches, and fucking the girl next door were fine for his little darlings, but this was just too much.

Mr Hall, born in the smoke-filled 50s but seemingly still quite healthy, was last seen disappearing up his own gullible, self-righteous arse.


Rich said...

So he likes her for being a rebel, but didn't like her rebelling? Twat.

Jeff Wood said...

Remarkable that smoking has become the avante-garde route of rebellion.

Just as it was when I were a laddie.

WV: diers. Presumably the audience.

Mark Wadsworth said...

Agreed, daft buggers the lot of them. You used to be able to smoke at concerts. And his kids are 15 and 17, so the expression "cigarettes being waved in their faces" is wildly inappropriate.

Leg-iron said...

You can now hold up a jeweller's with ease. No gun or knife required.

Just take out a pack of Benson's and a lighter. Your mate can cover you with a double-barrelled sawn-off cigar. Anyone tries anything funny and you light up.

They really are that scared of it now. It's unbelievable. If one of these people saw the place I was at last night, they'd have had a heart attack.

And we'd have laughed and lit another.

Anonymous said...

I hope the young ones just coming of age grow up to become a generation of 100% all total smokers all the time and do nothing but blow smoke in every building in every city on every continent until all the arse-wipes who can in one breath say they like a particular artist for being a "rebel" then turn around and complain that she lit a effing fag. And STILL, in the mainstream that kind of total ironic tripe gets printed and STILL nobody can see the ridiculousness of it, let alone the bans. When everyone is being forced to hand over gobs to the Climate Police to pay off their Carbon Taxes and any one of them dares complain about the misuse of science behind the global-warming farce need ONLY look back to their ignorance and stupidity in accepting the SHS farce in the first place, then sticking to it solidly, like effing lemmings, which is what the anti-smokers and the ones who endorse it have turned out to be. Serves them right in the end - and they all stink anyhow - to high heaven and back - now that that "stinky tobacco smoke" isn't in their "hair and clothes" - they all stink like effing farts, body odor, unlaundered clothing worn too many days in a row and whatever they eat for lunch comes out their pores and the stench of it is frankly disgusting. They'd do better to have the HARMLESS smoke in the air to cover up the stench of their own selves as well as force them maybe to begin bathing, laundering and washing their hair much more than they have been ever since the smoking ban took effect. Disgusting idiots, a rebel but one who smokes, thus the dimwit complains. Disgusting stinking twat is correct.

MarieC said...

"When questioned further, Mr Hall said that references to spending ages giving head, post-coital wet patches, and fucking the girl next door were fine for his little darlings, but this was just too much."

Dick, this was exactly what I thought when I read the original.
and I hope his 'chiildren' are just mortified. What a prat!

budgie said...

The 'little darlings' are 15 and 17 btw...

The interesting thing about the arsehole's comment is that he doesn't consider this as rebellious but as a physical assault.

In fact, we don't do good old rebellion anymore (unless it's State sanctioned). Now it's terrorism, law breaking, not political correct, denial, selfishness etc etc.

Dave H said...

"...incandescent with rage..."

Don't you know you are forbidden from being anything other than compact fluorescent with rage?

You vile Nazi polar bear murderer!

Anonymous said...

17 year old and 15 year old 'children'
What fucking planet was that care worker on.
I hope both his 'children' become hopeless haroin and crack addicts and then he will know what dangerous 'substances' are in the world

Anonymous said...

Good on you Lily.
You are a cracker !!

Keep on fucking them all !!

I bet that the shocked care workers has plenty of compassion for the people that he 'cares' for NOT !!!!

Dick Puddlecote said...

Dave H: Indeed, how very anti-planet of me. Consider my evil arse violently boot-chided.

Sam Duncan said...

Heh. I never liked wee Lily before. Or Lady Doolally. Nice one, girls.

(WV: tizing. What Tizer gets up to in your stomach, presumably.)