Monday, 6 April 2009

Liam Donaldson's Department Instructs Others Not To Be A Fat Fuck

Some of the hectoring bully boys/girls in the NHS will be a trifle worried today after the DoH published its latest drive for aryan-like purity. Hunters are becoming the hunted.

Ministers tell fat NHS staff to lose weight

Overweight NHS staff are being urged to adopt healthier lifestyles and lose excess pounds to help set an example to their patients.

Ministers want overweight staff who are delivering key public health messages to enrol in weight loss programmes to shed excess pounds.

'Of the 1.2 million staff in the NHS, it is likely that around 300,000 would be classified as obese and a further 400,000 as overweight.'

The advice is being targeted initially at nurses, midwives and health visitors, but it would be hypocritical not to extend that further in the health system, wouldn't it?

But then again, how can that be possible seeing as the Chief Medical Dictator, that odious cockmonger Liam Donaldson, is severely overweight? Some insensitive types might even term him 'clinically obese'.

One would assume that, in clinically obese Liam's position, he would have had some input into the Healthy Weight, Healthy Lives: One Year On guidelines.

The report said it was these health leaders who set an example to patients through their behaviour and lifestyles.

Programmes will be developed over the next year to support NHS staff in maintaining and achieving a healthy weight.

Fucking hell, Liam! You'd better get on the phone to Ryvita sharpish, a couple of industrial pallets should be enough to satisfy your weekly gluttony. If that doesn't work, drop me a line, perhaps I could help by cutting out your oesophagus with a rusty hacksaw so you can only ingest your five a day as smoothies through a C-diff infected tube.

It's OK, I'm only joking. It's not going to happen really ... lardy Liam won't be advocating health advice which he has to follow himself any time soon, the hideous cunt.


Lawson said...

I can feel another Fatty Donaldson banner coming on!

word veri is giche. git and quiche in one word.

Dick Puddlecote said...

Yes please

Mark Wadsworth said...

He could tell the fat fucks to smoke a bit more and eat a bit less ... oh, right.

Unknown said...

So, can anyone tell me who will be paying for these health programmes?

Wouldn't be legal theft of tax on cigs and alcohol by any chance, would it?

Whichever way you look at it, it is the taxpayers money which will be paying for all of this. I still get the feeling that there is some issue with priorities. I thought we were in a recession or something. I also thought that meant trying to save money on unnecessary things.

Silly me, I got it all wrong again, which is probably why I don't have any say in running the country. Of course this is more important than getting the country out of the financial pit it is in.

I'm STILL in April 1st, aren't I. Can anyone tell me how long this groundhog day is going to last?

BTS said...

I think that we ought to start an internet rumour that Gordy has decided to crack down on Greggs bakeries and let Liam Donaldson and John Prescott duke it out for the last batch of pies..

TheFatBigot said...

I ate a slice of Ryvita once. If you ever need proof of the misery the anti-flab brigade wish to inflict, Ryvita is it.

banned said...

Practise What You Preach Donaldson, start by sewing up your gob.
An entire wing of a local hospital hides behind the label ' NHS Occupational Health ' but the public never go there. It is used to asses NHS staff malingerers and give them priority treatment.
I will see if more medical fatties attend with full colour brochures and piles of worksheets.

PS Our patients smoke just outside the hospital doors, the staff have to traipse down to the public highway.

Bishop Brennan said...

As he's a massive Newcastle Utd supporter, I suspect that he might be indulging in large amounts of alcohol at the moment, to drown his sorrows.

Well, that might explain the red face, anyway.

He is definitely a fat Hoon, anyway.