Monday, 22 March 2010

Jocks Still Talking Gibberish

It was a widely-accepted fact in the early 80s that the Scottish were bloody difficult to understand ...

... but, as if the accent wasn't enough, Nicola Sturgeon has decided that their wibbling deserves further lingual masking.

I can also announce today that in the coming year we will deliver 60,000 alcohol brief interventions across Scotland.
Sorry, love, didn't quite understand that. 60,000 what?

These are effective interventions delivered by health professionals when they think someone’s health problems are alcohol related.
Interventions, did you say? Is that some kind of highland cipher?

They are a tried and tested way of helping people address problems before they become too serious.
Oh, I think I've got you now. You're talking about bullying people into adhering to your personal view of how they should live their lives ... when it is NO FUCKING BUSINESS OF YOURS.

If they want to be 'helped', they will come to you. One 'intervention' isn't necessary, let alone sixty fucking thousand of them. Why not allow Scots to live how they choose to live, and tailor your governance around their preferences? That's kinda the point of a 'free' society, doncha think?

Just stick to what you're best at, eh Nicky? Eating oats and doing your damnedest to keep benefit fraudsters out of jail.

Yup. I reckon there may be enough scottish stereotype references there to have me bumped from mini-kilted Rosie's blogroll.


An Angry Jock said...

Something fucking stinks in the Scottish Parliament.

The Health & Sport Committee asked for submissions on the Alcohol Etc(Scotland) Bill and they were flooded with replies.

It is normal for all the submissions to be shown online BEFORE any oral evidence is given.

There was a link to a number of submissions received (not the total) and the explanation was that the clerks had to prepare them before they went online.

For some reason the submissions relating to this Bill have been appearing in clumps(relating to the oral evidence sessions) of the Committee Meetings.

I am beginning to wonder whether they decided( in view of all the hastle they had with the Tobacco Display Ban, and supplementary submissions which gave the politicians some red faces)to not publish the full list regarding the Alcohol Etc Bill so that it didn't happen again.

It gets even more suspicious when the link to the previously published submissions doesn't work.

In the meantime this information suddenly appears for tomorrows meeting ( and just like the Tobacco Display Ban they are bringing in the canadians) to help them out of the shit.

The actions of Shona Robison
who doesn't need evidence to support policy (Tobacco Display Ban)obviously apply to her boss as well.

Democracy my Arse, this lot need investigation.


Leg-iron said...

They can send their 'boozy outreach intervention officer' here as many times as they like. I guarantee they won't leave sober. Or smokeless.

If they're driving, I'll let them get to the end of the street and then call the police...

subrosa said...

Mini-kilted? I wish. :)

I missed her speech and have just read it. In fact Dick I agree with you. And, if anyone interferes in my personal habits then I will sue them for harrassment (or whatever it is called legally).

Unlike LI nobody puts a foot on my property without my permission. End of.

Anyway they'll be too busy sorting out Aberdeen with all these smoky-drinky places. :)

BTS said...

So does she already have the names of these 60,000 people or has she possibly just picked some random number based on computer models and assumptions? It rather smacks of a target to me. And we all love those.

Don't we..?

Please can we just leave Scotland to it's own devices now? Having wasted 5 minutes of my life reading her poxy speech I can only say that if they're so bloody determined to introduce communism up there then please let them have it. And pay for it themselves.

Why the fuck should I have to pay to cover their free prescriptions (due within the next 12 months according to that fishy bitch) when the cost of living and doing business in the south is already so high?

Please let them go.

And I want to see border controls btw. Maybe we could even build some sort of wall..?

And what really entertains me is that if the Scottish Socialist Party do manage to get independence, one of the first things they intend to do is hand it straight over to Brussels (Onwards Towards Independence In Europe, 1/4 of a page down):


So, please Scotland, though I have many friends and family dwelling upon your distant shores whom I shall dearly miss when the wall goes up, fuck off and take Gordon Brown, Alistair Darling and the fucking bagpipes with you.

And any wimmin named after fish.

Thanks for listening.

Unknown said...

Listen here Mr. Puddlecote, I am sick of your many blog posts 'taking the pish' out of our accent and way of life, forget Scottish politics, that's shite anyhoo.

I've taken it upon myself to educate you southern Hengerlish on the finer nuances of Glaswegian. You should get the hang of it in one easy lesson..or two..well maybe three...ok, take your bloody time!

JuliaM said...

"These are effective interventions..."

Effective, eh?

What's the success rate then? C'mon, Nicola, don't be shy. You can tell us!

Letters From A Tory said...

It is amusing to watch Scotland spectacularly fail to grapple with its serious alcohol issues. Their hapless authoritarian measures will achieve nothing and solve nothing.