Tuesday, 6 April 2010

But Which Four To Choose?

New Elderly Care Programme Offers Hope**

The Government has refused proper health care to many elderly citizens due to their advancing years. It is a worrying problem for many but help is at hand.

Join the new free care plan today. If you are 60 years or older, you can apply. All new members will receive a gun and four bullets.

You are allowed to shoot one MP (two if you live in England), one MEP, one councillor and, just to be sure of a long sentence, someone you really don't like and think the world could do without.

As part of the plan, you will leave enough evidence to make sure of being caught, and, in due course, sent to prison.

There you will get a safe centrally heated environment, three meals a day, lots of company, free TV and an assortment of games, plus - most importantly - all the health care you need!

New teeth needed? No problem.

New glasses? They'll be provided.

New hip, knees, kidney, lung, heart? They're all covered too.

And who will pay for all of this? The same government that told you they can't afford your current health care.

And as an added bonus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay income tax anymore.

Smoking allowed inside.

Britain. A GREAT country or what?

** Not my own work, and could be a viral, but worth sharing anyway.


Dominic Allkins said...

That is just brilliant.

Thanks for posting.

Bucko said...

You may also get dry bummed.
Not the mataphorical dry bumming that you have been getting from 13 years of a Labour government, but a proper one that stings quite a lot )0(

Demetrius said...

I would prefer a Bren gun with four magazines.

Anonymous said...

Excellent posting and excellent idea.

Why hasn't anyone thought of this sooner. It's one way around the ban, maybe the only way remaining in fact if one is to have a normal, happy social life again.

Only problem is that in some areas of the world, Nevada for example, when someone suggested legislation to amend their smoking ban, the legislation was shot down by the powers that be and in retaliation, the following week in fact, the officials announced a statewide smoking ban in all Nevada state prisons - as punishment and a warning as to who is in charge still.

But in theory, it's an excellent idea and certainly the point where things will be heading soon, if one is to have any freedom and liberty, then maybe the only way to find it in this world - and get rid of some of the dicatorial predators in power at the same time - a double bonus.

Great one to pass around in email chains today, nicely voiced.

Gordon the Fence Post Tortoise said...

I'm not claiming ownership of this but the same thought crossed our minds back in the 80's when a helicopter - borne fat spook pillaged the pension scheme of a local long established business leaving many who'd contibuted for 30 years plus essentially destitute - destitution being a word I fear that is going to get inreased usage over the next 10 years thanks in large part to Labour.

Anyway, Mossad beat the old fart with a shotgun to the draw.

I should chide you for omitting one of the other major benefits of this course of action - the enduring respect and admiration of one's peers :-)

Anonymous said...

Terrific idea !
Perhaps this should be made into a poster campaign for the main party's ?

The lunatics have most definitely taken over the asylum.

lenko said...

Didn't I hear noises some while ago that the Government were going to ban smoking in prisons? To give the experience somewhat of a punishment element.

The drawback is that -- though murdering MPs etc is against the local bye-laws -- one cannot be absolutely sure of a remedial jail sentence. One could just get fined. Or imprisoned for a week and then let out on early release.

A good basic idea, but much more research needed.

timbone said...

My wife is a prison officer, and fumes on a daily basis. You have only scratched the surface.

Here is a fictional story for security reasons, but don't you believe for one minute that this kind of thing does not happen.

Prisoner sets fire to cell. They are injured in the fire. Money is spent returning cell to habitable place. Momey is spent treating prisoner for burns. Money is spent on legal aid resulting in compensation for prisoner. Prison officers undergo investigation for neglect. Compensation is put in bank account. Prisoner serves sentence, leaves prison, draws out money, buys drugs, gets arrested, and six months later is back in prison again.

By the way, this is all because of human rights.

Anonymous said...

Yeah... OK it's the Daily Mail again but - 2 years ago and for a change they actually (gosh by golly) quote sources...