Friday, 2 April 2010

Staines Passive

It's not my usual style, but I simply have to do a bit of a Julia because, as bizarre consequences of the smoking ban go, this is a doozy.

A woman has claimed she was not allowed on a bus in Staines after witnessing and challenging a driver who was smoking in his vehicle.

Lesley Dove, 45, was with her husband Paul, and children Jonathan, 16, Aurora, 14, and Lucy, eight, on Sunday (28) at around 5.30pm when she tried to board the 290 bus at Staines bus station to get back to her Hampton home after visiting the town.

She claims as the bus was parked, she saw the driver inside the vehicle finishing off his cigarette, while a passenger was sitting inside.

She said: "Without being aggressive I told him he wasn't supposed to be smoking on the bus, as it was against the law of the smoking ban."
I know you may be thinking that she is just an interfering busybody, but you'd be entirely wrong. There was a bona fide reason for her intervention.

Mrs Dove said she is anti-smoking because her mother smoked around her when she was young.

She claims she gets coughing fits, and sometimes chest infections when around smokers, and feels that not enough people uphold, or are educated about the smoking ban.
Fair enough.

If it affects her that badly, best she get the next bus then.

"When we went to get on the bus, he said we were not allowed on, so we had to wait for half an hour in the cold for another."
Err, why would you want to get on a bus when you're going to suffer so badly? Surely a little bit of cold is preferable to the torture of being on a bus, where someone has smoked, if it could lead to a load of hacking and potential chest infections?

Come on, woman, show some consistency. How did you get by in life before Westminster fools passed a charter for your ilk to lecture and pontificate to others? Must have been hell.

Lastly, why were you complaining about one guy smoking a cigarette on a bus, ventilated generously every time the large doors regularly open and close, when you were standing in a fucking bus station surrounded by gallons of carcinogenic engine emissions.

"People starting butting in and having a go at me, and I started to get quite frightened, and my youngest daughter started to cry. It was very upsetting, because all I did was try and make sure he upheld the law."
Eh? The ban is universally popular. Why on Earth would they be getting irate at you? That is so damn unlucky. You've met the only people in the country who think differently ... acording to the government.

Or could there be something more to this story?

A spokesman for bus company Transdev said: "We are aware of an alleged incident concerning a driver smoking on a route 290 bus at Staines Bus Station, on 28 March 2010. Smoking on any London United vehicle is strictly prohibited. The matter will be investigated fully."
Of course, prior to July 1st 2007, the situation wouldn't have occurred in the first place. Lesley would have boarded without turning a hair, no-one would have died, no-one would have cried, no-one would have been stressed or scared, no-one would be under investigation, no-one would have waited in the cold, no-one would have been arguing at the bus stop amongst themselves. Just like thousands of other bus journeys Lesley has taken in her 45 years on the planet.

Another example, as I've alluded to before, of the emnity, division and spite, sometimes resulting in violence, which has been created out of thin air by this government, purely for ideological reasons.

I think I shall repeat Labour's mantra again, inspired by Francis of Assisi.

Where there is harmony, may we bring discord. Where there is truth, may we bring error. Where there is faith, may we bring doubt. And where there is hope, may we bring despair.
UPDATE: It looks like Lesley Dove is a bit of a committed righteous health nut.

Lesley Dove
Member of The London Vegan Meetup Group

Vegan from Hampton, wants to meet veggies and vegans, especially locally, and other veggie and vegan families too.
She hates Jamie Oliver - nothing wrong with that, but - for believing that animals are food!

Umm, actually no, if Jamie Oliver supported animal rights, he would not be encouraging people to eat animals whether they were British or foreign, kind of obvious isn't it? True supporters of animal rights believe that animals are not food.
And she was active in the campaign against MMR on natural remedies grounds, even pitching up on the BBC web-site 9 years ago. Yep, it's definitely her.

If she wasn't hectoring, she wouldn't feel alive. No wonder the locals are probably sick of her.

Just a mischievous thought, but if she ate proper food, perhaps she'd be a bit more resilient to a few wisps of smoke, no?

UPDATE 2: Thanks to an anon in the comments. Lesley is a raving anti-smoking nutjob with a tendency to involve the press.

I am getting in the local press about it this week or next week though! They took my photo with my kids outside the centre on Tuesday for the paper, and I am fighting this because it should be my right as a local resident for my local community centre to be accessible to me.
Go read the lot, you'll be amazed. Even her vegan friends think she is loopy.


Anonymous said...

It appears, from the comments following the story, that the woman is a well known local character for whose views the locals have little sympathy. It also transpires that many pubs in Staines openly allow smoking. Cross Street Manchester Caffe Nero: please take note.

subrosa said...

Good pointed argument Dick and of course very reasoned as always.

Anonymous said...

I loved the comments.
Just goes to show ,all we have to do to beat the ban is keep smoking.
Note to the anti's.
Your losing.

Anonymous said...

I'm fairly certain that Lesley Dove and objectionable anti-smoking activist Lilachamster, Scourge of the Comment Boards, are one and the same thing.

She would like to see all children forcibly removed from their smoking parents (it was the comment about her mother that gave it away).

She's also eagerly anticipating the day when scientists invent the Elixir of Life because she, as a clean-living smoke-avoider, will be automatically entitled to a prescription.

She's a basket case.


Anonymous said...

Oops - just read the comments on the article.

Nice to be right, though;)


Anonymous said...

I'm so glad I read your board and the quality of your stories testify as to why your readership has been soaring.

As to this matter of the "righteous", it has become such an eye opener, reading about the characteristics of "righteousness" on your blog.

My own awareness has begun to improve and as recent as a weekend ago, witnessed an extreme case of an "attack of the righteous" with my own two eyes on a remote rocky crag along a shoreline in California, USA.

Here three middle-age Chinese speaking men, probably tourists, were minding their business along the windy rocky beach which was a mile long and had scarcely a dozen visitors present. And one of them was enjoying a cigarette.

Well that was enough to set off the nerves of someone who appeared to be in her mid to late 30's, a "righteous" sort who jumped up off a rock where she and her husband had been sitting while their dog was busy running around chasing and killing the local crabs, and she rushed forth and down to the Chinese man smoking to give him the what-for over something, it was hard to hear the words from a distance, but the words cautioning about "this is a Federal Park" and you "can't do that here" were the loudest and carried clearly through the wind.

Meantime it was okay to have her dog run free and wild killing the wildlife, just as long as nobody smoked I suppose - or if it was about the visitor picking up a rock as souvenir to place in his pocket - still not sure what the "righteous crusade" was on about.

But in either case, the smoking seemed to have triggered it and if it was to do with someone taking a pebble for souvenir, it's the same beach people throw the rocks back into the water to take another 1,000 years to wash ashore regardless - yet I never saw the "righteous" complain about any of that, nor about dogs left wild to kill wildlife, also on "Federal land" of the "can't do that here" category.

It's almost as "righteous" as the one on the bus a few weeks ago making a loud fuss over "is someone smoking on this bus" and then complaining because a whiff of smoke blew in from outdoors on the sidewalk, not minding the matter of all the smog fumes that blew in as well, but winning her brownie points and accolades in the constant war to appear to be "most righteous" while in public.

Thanks for the blog and pointing these practices of the "righteous" out. I see the "righteous" now more clearly and all around me, everywhere I turn.

lenko said...

Where to begin? It's not often I catch a bus from Bristol Bus Station, but I seem to remember that nobody is allowed on a bus until just before departure time, whatever their views and whether the driver is hidden in a cloud of green smoke or not.

Obviously I look forward to the day when roving death-squads of anti-smoking police will eradicate this growing menace. (This begins Tuesday). The more smokers are driven underground, the higher the profits to be made from my chain of "smoke-easies".

Next, though, an observation: Anyone who hates Jamie Oliver can't be all bad.

Lastly... on animal rights... I fully support the right of animals to be eaten. As Orwell once said "Some animals are tastier than others".

Anonymous said...

Lesley Dove was indeed outed as Lilac Hamster. her comments were so vicious and outrageous she was expelled from F2C forum if I remember correctly. Seriously deranged IMO.

Anonymous said...

Lesley Dove, a veggie, muttering about smells ,thats really rich,
they spend most of their lives
flapping their rear cheeks as they let loose a multitude of nose
melting ,diabolical, reptilian
fumes. A humanist anti smoker to boot,living in Middlesex,just how
low can how species dip.I'de rather cuddle up to skunks scent glands. Just why does society allow these sub species to procreate

Baffled Yonner

Anonymous said...



BTS said...

Anon's link (@20.12) is a bloody goldmine!

I was going to quote but it's just all too hilarious. Please do read, although you may find the blood beginning to rise at the mere thought that these people are legally entitled to not only vote, but exist. If there is a supreme being, he must be a right c***..

w/v: whines - too perfect..

Dick Puddlecote said...

Agreed, BTS, duly updated. :-)

timbone said...

My mother-in-law is a non smoking retired Sister who thinks the smoking ban is a load of shite. She has also mentioned on more than one occasion that all this anti smoking pontification from members of the general public never happened before the ban.

Anonymous said...

Lilachamster's story

Author Message
Lilachamster AKA Lesley Dove

Posts: 100
Join date: 2008-12-27

Subject: Lilachamster''s story Tue May 19, 2009 4:45 pm

Most people probably know a lot about me already, but my story starts in my childhood, surrounded by passive smoking. From as early as I can remember the smell and the feel of the smoke in my lungs and throat made me feel ill, I would be barely able to breathe and coughing all the time from it. I had one chest infection after another, and did tell my mother that her smoke made me ill with my chest. My mother did not take any notice of this and continued to expose me to her smoking, she would not even smoke outside for my sake. I learned from this lack of concern for my health and comfort that she was a totally selfish woman, I still believe this even though she has quit, because it's all too late and her quitting now cannot give me back the happy childhood I should have had.

This is why I am all for smoking bans, especially I am keen on geting it banned around children in cars and homes as this is a daily thing, often several times a day and therefore a greater danger to them than occasional exposure in public places.

I am very smoke-sensitive even now and do my utmost to avoid it, I am all for the ban, but wish they had done more to protect children before protecting adults who at least have some choices about where to go.

Before the ban I simply always had to refuse to go into smoking allowed indoor places, and I survived it, even if some people may have thought me odd or unsociable not going to pubs. It's nice now the tables have turned in my favour, about time too, it's amazing really how people like me put up with the situation for years and yet the smokers moan as soon as they get the first taste of their own medicine and have some limits put upon their behaviour.

Still although life is better for me now, and I am much less limited in where I can go, I can never forget about the suffering children of smoking parents, because I know exactly what they are going through. I can never forget because my childhood was so painful with my feelings totally disregarded by the adults around me. Indifference to my suffering from the smoke was something I found more cruel than getting a smack if I was naughty (because at least I might have done something to get smacked for, and it did not happen often, while I did nothing to deserve to be forced to breathe that poison all the time)

TheFatBigot said...

Let me suggest a shortcut.

She named her first daughter Aurora.

All other evidence merely supports the only rational inference that can be drawn from that fact.

Anonymous said...

Yeah Ive also had many arguments with her- first on "filthysmokers", then on F2C during that brief period, not to mention various forums. I also think she is "TrueBalckpuldian" on stories about Hamish.


Anonymous said...

I like the smoking ban and have introduced it in my home.
I have four children, Jocasta(12), Verity(9), Regina(7) and Bob(5).

They were all heavy smokers until I stopped them eating dead animals - except Bob (little bastard, he's still putting away 40 Capstan and a leg of lamb a day).

BTS said...

If I can track her down, who's up for me offering her a deal which involves her shutting the fuck up for good or else I start eating meat again?

We could at least find out how far her 'morals' stretch..

Anonymous said...

Bet Dove has a poster of Duncan Bannatyne on her bedroom wall and would I be guilty of psychobabble for suggesting that she needs therapy to get to the root of her problems with her mother?!

I have the dubious honour of having been mistaken for her: I found F2C just after they'd been inundated with posts by her and they thought she had begun to post under another name. A fellow poster who lived near me was asked to meet me and check me out! We got on like a house on fire and, happily, have remained friends.

I like to think that Lesley Dove would have sleepless nights having done her bit, albeit unwittingly, to undermine support for the ban!!


Anonymous said...

So the infamous Lilac Hamster of the F2C board about a year back has finally been outed. The whole world should spin based on one person's preferences, a selfish and ignorant person at that. Selfish anti-smokers promised to fart up a storm in response to cigarette smoke, and so they do - from both behind as well as the bilge coming from their mouths - and the mealy mouthed little minority who should be truly banned for their hate-speech crime and inciting the equivalent of an international riot against good decent folk. Lilac Hamster. She was extremely self-righteous so no surprise to see her catapulting herself higher into the public eye. Must need constant attention, deprived as a smoke-less soul-less youth of good old fashioned morality, the sort dating thousands of years back in time, the ones about do unto others and who can cast the first stone. I imagine she'll raise her kids to be brats likewise, to carry on the family tradition of what could be considered child abuse.

Antipholus Papps said...

Lilachamster used the words 'I', 'me', and 'my', 43 times in her little lifetime story of battling selfish smokers!

Unknown said...

ah ha, I remember the infamous Lilac Hamster from the F2C forum a couple of years back.

No chance it was her that "fell" onto the rail tracks a while back while harrassing a couple of smokers? No? Damn.

Anonymous said...

Wrong Carlo, I am not that other poster trueblackpudding or whatever, I have not been on any of the forums for ages, there are obviously others who feel as I do and are fighting hard for non-smokers rights.

PS, BTS' personal threats and hate speech will soon be in the hands of my local police.. I am sure they have ways and means of finding out who you are

Vanilla Rose said...

I can hardly believe how spiteful you are.

Vanilla Rose said...

PS For the record, she has many friends and she's not a "health nut". Like many of us vegans, she wouldn't turn her nose up at a nice slice of vegan chocolate cake. And if you think that vegan chocolate cake wouldn't taste good, you obviously lack the motivation to find a recipe and make one for yourself.

Are you even going to post my comments, or are you only interested in being spiteful?

Dick Puddlecote said...

Vanilla: Is it true she once objected to a pub displaying a sign saying "Proud to serve British beef"?

BTS said...

Actually Lesley (or do you prefer Anonymous?), I think you'll find that you'll get laughed at, so please don't make feeble threats.

If you'd care to re-read my last comment:

'If I can track her down, who's up for me offering her a deal which involves her shutting the fuck up for good or else I start eating meat again?'

No that sounds more like a proposition to me..

And Vanilla Rose (thanks for making me laugh at such a soppy name), I have made a vegan chocolate cake before*.

Most people 'lack the motivation to find a recipe' because there are much easier methods for making chocolate cake. Using chocolate springs to mind for some reason..

*Before anyone starts about the vegan cake, I made it for a girlfriend. And it was appreciated..

BTS said...

It occurs to me that it would be a waste of valuble resources to tie up our constabulary's time tracking me down via the internet so, if Lesley would be so kind as to post the relevant investigating officer's name and contact telephone number on here, I shall contact them directly to arrange an interview.

After all, I'd rather not have the front door kicked in..

Anonymous said...

That ignorant woman has been spouting anti smoking for years due to her Mother smoking and making her 'ill'
Her ridiculously named children must hate her and long for the social services to take them away to a decent normal home.
She needs to be sectioned under the mental health act as she is obviously a complete imbecile.
I'll bet her brats are creeping in to get a big mac and enjoying a smoke aaaaaafterwards.

Anonymous said...

Vanilla Rose says:
March 9, 2010 at 3:22 am

Well, for a start, she was NOT a vegetarian at the time she was eating chicken. So, she’s got her facts wrong right from the start!

I’d like to know what her REAL problem is, but I very much doubt that she wants to explore that. All of us have problems, but we don’t all deal with them by means of sarcasm and inaccuracy.

Dick Puddlecote said...

Anon: You forgot to post the link for that wisdom from Vanilla Rose.

Luckily, I found it.

Anonymous said...


Posts: 100
Join date: 2008-12-27

Subject: Getting a successful prosecution and fine against a smoker Fri Mar 13, 2009 3:56 pm

Has anyone here who supports the ban caused a successful prosecution against someone for smoking in a public no smoking vehicle or building? If so I would be interested as I am trying to ensure one actually happens. Let me know if you have any experiences of this, thanks.

My best result was getting a smoking taxi driver actually fired when he made me ill (I was 7 months pregnant at the time).

BTS said...

Fuck me. There were helicopters overhead ealier. It looks like they're on to me already. They don't screw around when it comes to 'hate speech' against vegans, do they?

I will take comments left on blogs far more seriously in future..

If you don't hear from me again it means they've found somewhere to land the helicopter.

Vanilla Rose said...

@various people, in turn.

Lesley has never mentioned anything to me about pub signs, so I don't know whether or not that is accurate.

I don't think you'll find many people prepared to take action against parents (plural) for naming a child Jonathan or Lucy. As for Aurora, she is 14 years old and if she wants to change her name, she can start now. A cousin of mine was a similar age when she started disliking her first name and she got it changed by deed poll at the age of 16. She had her parents' permission or she would have had to wait till she was 18. But she was insisting everyone use the new name long before she changed it. She's never looked back (over 20 years later). But oh, dear, it seems Aurora likes her name.

I'd be interested to know which of you have children, what names you chose, and whether any of your children are unhappy with your choices.

Why is making a vegan cake difficult? You just add together the ingredients, as with any other cake. I think you will find that most conventional chocolate cake recipes call for cocoa rather than chocolate; how does that differ from a vegan recipe?

It is perfectly accurate to say that vegetarians do not eat chicken. My comment was not aimed at the motives of chicken-eaters per se. It was a view regarding an article written by an American woman who had fallen out with a vegan friend and said some quite unpleasant things both about her friend and about veganism. In that context, I did wonder what the woman's problem was.

As for the motives for the vicious attacks on Lesley on this blog, well, I don't understand why you feel the need to make such nasty comments about a woman who, although certainly hot tempered, is one of the fairest and least malicious people I have ever met.

Anonymous said...

If you reacted badly to smoke in this kind of a way just as I do you would also speak up and try to enforce the ban, I guarantee it!

BTS said...

@Vanilla Rose

'Lesley has never mentioned anything to me about pub signs, so I don't know whether or not that is accurate.'

It really doesn't say much of her when you, her friend, actually find it perfectly plausible that she may have acted in such a manner.

'I'd be interested to know which of you have children, what names you chose, and whether any of your children are unhappy with your choices.'

Most people prefer not to reveal personal information about their families (including names) as we believe they have a right to speak for themselves and express their own opinions should they choose to do so, rather than be associated with ours. There's also the small matter of privacy.

Essentially, it's none of your business unless the information is offered.

Whereas Lesley seems determined to shove her kids in front anyone who'll take a picture:

"I am getting in the local press about it this week or next week though! They took my photo with my kids outside the centre on Tuesday for the paper" (see 2nd blog update at the top of the page).

By the by, interesting choice of screen name you have there. According to Wikipedia (although you can use any search for the etymology):

The word vanilla entered the English language in the 1754, when the botanist Philip Miller wrote about the genus in his Gardener’s Dictionary.[12] Vainilla is from the diminutive of vaina, from the Latin vagina.

'Why is making a vegan cake difficult?'

It isn't. You brought up the subject with this comment:

'And if you think that vegan chocolate cake wouldn't taste good, you obviously lack the motivation to find a recipe and make one for yourself.'

So let's try that sentence again with a slight alteration, shall we?

'And if you think that syphilitic vegan jism wouldn't taste good, you obviously lack the motivation to find a syphilitic vegan and suck his cock for yourself.'

I take your point now, it's all about the motivation..

'It is perfectly accurate to say that vegetarians do not eat chicken. My comment was not aimed at the motives of chicken-eaters per se. It was a view regarding an article written by..'

..someone who was quite patently taking the piss!

Get a grip you daft binnit.

BTS said...

'As for the motives for the vicious attacks on Lesley on this blog, well, I don't understand why you feel the need to make such nasty comments about a woman who, although certainly hot tempered, is one of the fairest and least malicious people I have ever met.'


"Has anyone here who supports the ban caused a successful prosecution against someone for smoking in a public no smoking vehicle or building? If so I would be interested as I am trying to ensure one actually happens. Let me know if you have any experiences of this, thanks.

My best result was getting a smoking taxi driver actually fired when he made me ill (I was 7 months pregnant at the time)."

(Many thanks to Anon, 30th April for that one.)

Bearing in mind that there was no smoking ban in place at the time (what with her youngest being 8 now), one would have thought that asking the taxi driver to not smoke for the duration of the journey would have sufficed as they were unlikely to receive a tip otherwise?

Alternatively, refusing to take that taxi and calling for another?

Or what about, and I appreciate that this is a bit of a far-fetched idea for someone who has suffered from the severe effects of smoke all of her life, requesting a non-smoking taxi in the first fucking place?

I know, I know.. it's a bit of a complicated concept. Best if we all do as Lesley says and allow personal choice and freedom across the whole of the UK to her and her allergy on the off-chance that she might, one day, want to visit that particular place of business.

Best to just get the guy sacked then for not breaking any bloody laws at the time.

Malicious and vindictive? Heaven forfend..

Also worthy of mention of that particularly loathsome incident which she gloatingly mentioned is the way in which she tacked on the information that "I was 7 months pregnant at the time" as though that is some sort of justification for her actions. She was complaining about the smoke affecting her health, not that of her sprog, and merely added that as though it was some incontestable proof of her righteousness.

Getting knocked up does not make you sacred Lesley!

It does, however, appear to have made you a cow..

BTS said...


If you reacted badly to smoke in this kind of a way just as I do you would also speak up and try to enforce the ban, I guarantee it!'

And from the same site:

Anaphylactic shock occurs because your body's immune system overreacts in response to a particular substance (allergen) that you have been exposed to before.

Common triggers


* nuts,
* shellfish,
* eggs,
* milk,
* wheat,
* soy, and
* sesame seeds.


* penicillin and some other antibiotics,
* non-steroidal anti-inflammatories (NSAIDs), such as aspirin and ibuprofen, and
* anaesthetics and some painkillers.

Less common triggers:

* bee or wasp stings,
* latex (rubber),
* exercise, and
* exposure to cold air or water.

Wow! A whole host of stuff to ban there!

Good luck with that..

And could anyone please enlighten me as to why oh why Lesley has not yet informed me of the name, contact information and incident report number relating to my apparent 'threats and hate speech'?

I'd prefer to get just come clean so they'll call off the helicopters..

Don't forget your EpiPen on the way out.

Vanilla Rose said...

Incidentally, I noticed nobody bothered to post a link to the post on my blog where I criticised the woman who said the NHS should not have treated my late grandfather, a very heavy smoker who died in his 60s of lung cancer. But that is fine. I don't mind smokers reading my blog, but I don't want people who spew hate at others.

LOL at the chap who said my username was soppy. Missing the point much?

Dick Puddlecote said...

Vanilla Rose: "Lesley has never mentioned anything to me about pub signs, so I don't know whether or not that is accurate"

Lucky I know that it is, then, isn't it? ;-)

Ask her if you like.

BTS said...

Here you are VR:

Happy now?

Rather lacklustre stuff compared to the rest of the idiocy on your blog (due credit to your mental pal 'A Sane Person' for her loopy comments on your more recent work), but I shall confess that I've never come across a more concise account of the Second World War, nor such an insightful analysis of the ethical questions raised by the veryn concept of war itself:

' grandfather..had fought in the war. Now, I'm not exactly pro-war, but it was brave and the country was fighting Nazis and I think he was on a supply ship and not bombing Dresden or anything.'

Truly masterful stuff.

'LOL at the chap who said my username was soppy. Missing the point much?'

The point being what exactly?

That for your screen-name you've chosen a word which is derived from the Latin for cunt..?

Vanilla Rose said...

BTS, you have so much hate in you that I am only glad that I don't know you.

You are not welcome on my blog. Do not bother trying to post there.

I am quite well aware of the origins of the word vanilla, the joke being that it sounds like a candle. But there are many other layers to the name that you haven't uncovered. And I don't want you to. I want you to get out of my life and go and get help with being such a spiteful person.

Having thought about the pub sign, and knowing Lesley as I do, I know there is more to the story than you are letting on.

Dick Puddlecote said...

"But there are many other layers to the name that you haven't uncovered"

I know the ones of which you speak. Explains a lot.

And the pub sign. There is nothing more to the story at all. She objected to a pub (not hers) displaying a sign which advertised British beef (for people who like beef).

You didn't ask her, did you? Go on, I double dare ya'. :-)

Vanilla Rose said...

@ Dick, still waiting for rest of Lesley story. She has neither the time nor inclination to complain at all places that sell meat, so what is the real story?

Lesley is the most honest person I know, so I know she will tell me the truth. The challenge is whether you will. I don't know you, maybe you will. But until you learn some manners, I will continue to not have much respect for you.

The trouble with the claim that Lesley's being hospitalised was "attention seeking" is that she does not particularly like hospitals. She is opinionated, we can all agree that, but she is not a hypochondriac. And she does not have Munchausen's Syndrome, whether by proxy or otherwise.

@ BTS, I notice that, although you have looked up "vanilla", you haven't looked up "orchid". Let me just state for the record that it refers to a part of the MALE anatomy. And that is all I am saying.

A Sane Person is welcome on my blog, as is anyone with reasonably good manners. She and I do not always see eye to eye, but I admired her blog post on non-lethal weapons. I would have thought that you would admire it too, or are you suppposed libertarians only concerned with the "right" to smoke and ogle Page 3 girls?

*Small pause whilst I laugh at someone who resorts to insults so easily suggesting my post was inarticulate.* My blog is my own. I don't have to pretend that every post is an essay, especially when writing a post within days of the death of my beloved grandmother. My paternal grandfather, who was a heavy smoker and who died of lung cancer, did indeed fight for his country during the Second World War. Had I merely written "he fought for his country", with no qualifying remark, I might have been accused of double standards for having opposed the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

That said, I am proud of him. I am proud of my entire family. We have our failings, we have our differences, but none of us would ever make (or would ever have made) a vile remark about a 14 year old girl (you were incorrect in suggesting she was 15).

By your own account, you don't have a problem with the girl for not eating meat. Your quarrel is clearly with her mother for being against passive smoking. As I may have already pointed out, Lesley has actively campaigned against landlords and landladies imposing "no smoking" rules on tenants.

The only problem you have with the girl is that she does not dislike the name chosen by her parents (plural). And for that, you suggest vile things. You are lucky you have not heard from the police.

BTS said...

It's true, I did get barred from her blog. I even had a post devoted to me:

I didn't use any profanity whilst visiting her magical fairyland and was generally polite. Except possibly in response to her comment "I chose the name Vanilla Rose because it sounds like a highly priced mood-soothing candle", when I mentioned that it sounded more like a cut-price, scented tea light with delusions of grandeur.

And I thought that I was being kind..

But apparently she likes barring people from commenting as she then proceeded to block someone else as well. They just can't resist, can they..?

Still, her blog is well worth a look around if anyone fancies pissing themselves at the vacuous ramblings of the mentally incompetent.

Having described herself as 'a vegan feminist environmentalist' she then goes on to prove her credentials.

I particularly enjoyed her review of some er.. feminist rantings:

Although praising the book overall, she did have some slight misgivings as to the author's feminist credentials:

'I also suspect that she has watched very few episodes of "Sex and the City". She appears to believe it was just about four women eating and drinking whilst they chatted about men, relationships, sex, babies, clothes, shoes and handbags. Which is a pretty startling take on a series where two major characters developed cancer, and another suffered from fertility problems and then miscarried!

Other storylines involved mothers-in-law, senility, abortion, deaths and funerals, work problems, Charlotte's conversion to Judaism, Miranda taking up running, Carrie swinging on a trapeze, Miranda playing baseball, Carrie's attempts to get out of jury duty (pathetic), Carrie's attempt to avoid being arrested for marijuana possession (more successful), friendship and gifts, property ownership, art, theatre, the town versus the countryside, a motorcycle, cosmetic procedures gone (mildly) wrong, dogs and faeces.'

Personally, I prefer Brian's synopsis on Family Guy: "So this show is about three hookers and their mom?"

She also offers her wisdom on MP's expenses (true blogging gold):

And her thoughts on intelligence:
'if I were quicker and more accurate at adding up in my head (I prefer a pencil and paper), I could convince people I was a genius.'

And please do take a look at some of her artwork (it's okay, the clue is in the title..):

DaveA said...

@Chocolate Sundae or Vanilla or whatever you called.

Don't you sum up the neurotic, Guardianista, I can make you live your life how I want you to, vegan, feminist bore. You may want to discuss the nuances of pretentious shit like Vagaina Monologues, but us in the real world of live and let live libertarianism find you the quintessential closet authoritarain whose jackboots remain polished, but hidden in the dark reaches of Radio4's Woman's Hour.

With regrads to Lesley's passive smoking, as someone who considers himself an expert on these matters she is either misleading us or had the infections from a different source. The most you will ever breathe in is the equivalent of 0.009 cigarettes per hour. You will inhale by a factor of 5 more infecting chemicals from road traffic than any fag.

You said "You are lucky you have not heard from the police." As judge jury and executioner can you tell me on what breakage of the law has taken place? Of course, free speech to you is not an all you can eat smorgasbord buffet but an a la carte menu where you get to decide was it is democratic and what needs to be silenced. Alas the blogoshere does not bend at the knee to playground bullies lie you.

My contempt for you screaming, unapologetic crypto Marxists is total.

Dick Puddlecote said...

"It's true, I did get barred from her blog. I even had a post devoted to me"

Fame at last, BTS! That's seven more people who didn't previously know who you were.

At this rate, international stardom beckons. ;-)

Vanilla: "@ Dick, still waiting for rest of Lesley story. She has neither the time nor inclination to complain at all places that sell meat, so what is the real story?"

The real story is that she saw a sign outside a random pub saying that they served British Beef ... and complained about the sign.

Please explain how this is inconsistent with someone who takes issue with Jamie Oliver for saying that lamb is food?

You asked her about it yet? ;-)

Anonymous said...

I'm not particularly au fait when it comes to vegan diet, but I'd advise more roughage

BTS said...

In hindsight, I've been a bit mean. So, to make amends, I'd like to express my gratitude to Vanilla (or Bollock, as she apparently prefers) for all she's done in "giving back to society".

Some glowing examples:

"My actions for Earth Day include:

Trying to save paper and show off a lovely tea pot made by local craftspersons by using leaf tea more often, instead of being lazy and always using teabags.

Planting a stray sprouting potato in a pot in my kitchen, a spot normally reserved for herbs, geraniums and aloe vera.

Asking you to look to see if your washing machine has a "timesaver" button of which you were previously unaware. It took me 6 years to notice that mine had one, and my washing seems to be coping with a shorter wash."

I'll provide the link as it contains another delightful example of her artwork:

"On occasion, I physically helped other FoE volunteers to collect waste paper back in 1989."

"I buy a lot of second-hand clothing, although am boycotting charity shops that fund vivisection."

"Anyone approaching my home will have the opportunity to wipe their feet on a fair trade doormat before being invited in."

"My late grandmother lived in Scotland's first fair trade village."

"..I have so much to write about? My novel is over 600 pages!"

"This time, my sewing machine and I are making some rather lumpy looking applique things to hang in the kitchen windows."

"I am against weapons of mass destruction including nuclear ones"

"I am standing up for libraries, public telephones, parks, allotments, public transport and beautiful launderettes!"

"I tut a lot to myself"

"One time I took my clothes off as a protest."

She also provides us all with the benefits of her artwork, not the least of which being her stained glass period (courtesy of a course provided by her local authority's Adult Education bods).

She's passionate about voluntering:

"..after my Monday volunteer work finished, I was meeting up with some people at 2.30."

And contributes to society in so many other ways, without a word of complaint:

"..the council has decreed that, despite my lowly socio-economic status, I owe it over two pounds a week in council tax."

And what have we done in return for such beneficence?

Merely given her a council flat all to herself and provided her with benefits for about twenty years.

I think we've got a bloody good deal..

BTS said...

Anon, they looked pretty rough to me..

BTS said...

I'll share some of my precious vodka with anyone who can tell me what this is a picture of:

Vanilla Rose said...

It seems that some people can do nothing but sneer, and possibly try to create sock puppets in order to try and follow other people's blogs. What is the point? If you cannot make your point in a civilised way, I am not going to be hooked into conversation with you. I only talk to people I respect. Mock me all you want, and you do seem to have some kind of obsession with me, but I will continue to stand up for what I believe in AND to treat people with courtesy.

I can have no respect for someone who says foul things about 14 year old girls.

For the record, the picture depicts a mermaid pole-dancing.

Vanilla Rose said...

PS I couldn't be bothered to read through all BTS's copying and pasting of my work, but in case he missed it, here it is my confession. I already made an appearance in "Pseuds' Corner" in "Private Eye" many years ago, and ... well, I don't mean to be unkind, but this blog is hardly "Pseuds' Corner". I've been mocked by the best and ... you're not it.

BTS said...

Dear Bollock,

I can only dread to imagine the self-satisfied, moronic grin which spread across your haggard face as you finished typing your first post on here today, safe in the knowledge that you had managed to, at least in your paltry and substandard mind, gain the moral high ground by refusing to be drawn into conversation any longer by my wicked self.

But then the tradegy of realising that you'd forgotten to add some witty retort as a last parting shot led you to jump straight back into the fray, without so much as a single nasty comment from me to lure you in.

For shame!

I would almost pity you if it weren't for the fact that your self-serving, meaningless, worthless existence is paid for by every other poor fucker in this country!

You harp on piously about 'volunteering'. Well, guess what? Half a fucking day each poxy week (assuming that you're not feeling too down of course) is not all that fucking much really when one considers who is paying for you to have so much free time to waste on your so-called art.

And using your blog to point out that you spent £10 of your own money (er.. whose, sorry?) on travelling to volunteer for the St John's Ambulance as (you guessed it folks) a fucking victim is self-indulgent to say the very least.

Oh, but it's all right. Because you create 'art', don't you? For everyone's benefit. 'Art' so unbelievably childish and talentless in both conception and form that people don't ask, 'What does it mean..?', but rather, 'What the fuck is it supposed to be..?'

And for this you get a council flat. Not a bedsit, as you yourself have admitted, but a flat. I'm not saying it's palatial, just that perhaps someone rather more deserving, and certainly less sanctimonious, might have benefitted from it.

The arrogance with which you say "I couldn't be bothered to read through all BTS's copying and pasting of my work" is quite astonishing. What fucking work?

It's not fucking well work! It's the ignorant ramblings of a deluded and feeble mind (and quite frankly I'm using the term 'mind' in it's loosest possible meaning).

I honestly wish you no harm, nor do I bear you malice, but please, get up off of your sponging old arse and do something with what remains of your life which doesn't involve being given a free ride by the rest of us.

We've all needed a hand at some time in our lives. That's okay. People understand. It just shouldn't be a lifestyle option simply because someone 'doesn't really feel up to it.'

So please, sort your life out, and maybe people won't look down at you (quite so much).

Good luck.

Oh, for future reference, a witty riposte generally doesn't involve pointing out that plenty of other people take the piss out of you as well. Those blades at Private Eye may well be far wittier than I, but it would appear that we are equal in our opinion of your drivel.

Bye now.

Dick Puddlecote said...

Vanilla: I'll go with you that your mate is somehow a lovely, saintly lady, but if so, can you explain why she considers ALL smopkers to be ...

... and I quote ...

... whiny, miserable, filthy, poisonous, anti-social smokers?

Yeah, lovely person.

BTS said...

Bollock's still dribbling away on her keyboard somewhere. She's finally explained the whole anti-smoking logic thing - it's for health reasons:

'And I am going to take another detour to rant about tobacco smoke. I don't want it in my lungs. I sometimes tolerate being around friends who smoke, but that does not mean I want strangers' smoke anywhere near me.'

Or maybe not.

Yep, it's the smoker, not the smoking. At least it sounds honest.

I'm rather concerned that she's losing it though:

I mean seriously - what the fuck..?

I think the loneliness might be getting to her:

'But if you do watch the space, at least it's ad-free. Unlike BT call boxes, which are plastered in ads for KFC.

I've been tempted to consider ads, who wouldn't be tempted by possible free money? But since I seem to have no readers, it would be selling out for nothing.'

Aw, bless..

Loopy* and yet somehow touching.

But on the plus side, at least that's one non-existent ethical dilemma neatly dealt with.

My Dead Cat that blog is entertaining..

*Okay, totally fucking mental then.

doug davis said...

There is no problem with a little bit of smoke. Why not start smoking while your at it. Your missing out on the fun of being a smoker I would say too bad if you don't like the cigarette or cigar smoke and put up with it and cough. Cigarette smoke is a part of life. More second hand smoke bullshit she writes.