Saturday, 3 April 2010

Yes. Eighties. Please?

There have been many clever mock ups of Labour's new election poster. The one which they no doubt believed would be Dreadnought class. The nuclear option, capable of blasting a crater the size of Prescott's gut in Conservative support.

But less is more, so His Eminence has come up with the most succinct, and therefore my fave.

Indeed. Mrs P and I have, for the past few years, spent many a late hour over the Chenin Blanc wistfully discussing the future possibility of time travel, debating whether it would be best to transport ourselves back to the 70s or the 80s, and bemoaning the fact that it just ain't gonna happen.

So we're stuck here, like some poor passengers who put our trust in a ship's Captain only to be dumped unwillingly on a barren, joyless island, run by the Amish, and patrolled by a bullying troop of knuckle-dragging airheads parroting "it's more than my job's worth, guv".

Leggy has highlighted some truths about why the eighties were a golden age compared with now.

In the eighties, nobody was arrested, fined, tagged and curfewed for selling a goldfish to anyone.

In the eighties, you could sit in the park on a sunny day with one bottle of beer and nobody minded. Heck, you could sit there and drink until your eyes melted and as long as you did it without bothering anyone else, nobody minded.

In the eighties, you could sit in a pub and smoke and nobody minded.

In the eighties, nobody was fined for having a baked bean tin in the paper bin nor for putting out their bin ten seconds too early, half an inch too far from the kerb or with the lid not quite hermetically sealed.

In the eighties, parents were not fined when their children threw bread to ducks.
Yes, there are many many more examples, but I feel compelled to add some of my own.

In the eighties, charities were charities, not hectoring multi-million pound businesses.

In the eighties, you could say you were a Toyah fan and no-one replied "Who?".

In the eighties, you could drive down any road without having to leap-frog over a steeplechase of road humps.

In the eighties, a jacket but no socks was more than acceptable attire.

In the eighties, you could leave a 9 year old at home while you went to the shops ... and no-one called social services.

In the eighties, today's lefty attitudes were overwhelmingly classed as 'loony'.

In the eighties, kids watched TV for two hours a day max. They could watch more but generally didn't once the news came on.

In the eighties, there was Bezique.

In the eighties, you could take your kids into Downing Street on a day trip to London. You could even take a picture of number 10.

In the eighties, no-one knew who would occupy the top four places in football's top division till the season finished.

In the eighties, Bristow smoked and drank his way to five world darts titles.

In the eighties, Jim Davidson had a career, and was sometimes funny.

In the eighties, people had front gardens, not drives, as you could park on the road.

In the eighties, we fried bacon in oil.

In the eighties, we drank Black Tower ... and liked it.

In the eighties, you could enjoy a cigar after an expensive meal.

In the eighties, you'd see teachers in the pub and it was considered normal behaviour.

In the eighties, nurses always came across (just me?).

In the eighties, you didn't get in a nightclub without a suit.

In the eighties, you could afford the cab home.

Brass tacks? In the eighties, we had fun (with or without money), were free, and sucked the marrow out of life without interference.

And this is a bad thing, how?

Perhaps the poster is an ironic piece of reverse psychology from Labour, in that they know very well that Cameron has shown no sign whatsoever of returning us to such a life.

Maybe that's the point. A Brer Rabbit type dare, confident in the knowledge that the Tories have no intention, nor the wherewithal, to do any such thing. Labour don't intend to try either but are aware that there are those who harbour optimistic hopes which will be cruelly dashed post May 6th.

Of course, if that isn't the purpose of the poster, what is?

I'm fucked if I know, Terry.


Just as a brief reminder of how very inept the red rose fools are, MSN carried a slideshow of the country's favourite TV characters earlier this month.

OK, their numbering system leaves a lot to be desired, but the pictorial rundown is still available here.

Note the quite stunningly lauded persona right at the high business end of the chart.

1. Derek Trotter
2= Gene Hunt
2= Grant Mitchell
2= Basil Fawlty
3. Doctor Who
4. Homer Simpson
5. Rachel Green (Jennifer Aniston)
6. Edmund Blackadder
7= Dr Gregory House
7= Jack Bauer
7= Carrie Bradshaw (Sex and the City)
8= Dr Frasier Crane
8= JR Ewing
8= Vera Duckworth
9. BA Baracus
10 Katie Price (?)


Oldrightie said...

Come on, Dick, the poster is a fantastically funny own goal!

ArtCo said...

In the eighties i coulda said "I dont" to the wife

please take me back lol

Dick Puddlecote said...

OR: Absolutely. It will be the fastest ditched election poster in history, more's the pity.

How on Earth are such monumentally stupid people allowed to govern our country?

timbone said...


I voted Conservative in 1979

I voted Labour in 1997

Spot the mistake

Spartan said...

The 80's? ... what a time! l had no kids early 80's! l did have fast cars, many nights out, rock festivals etc etc.

First time to USA and yes! ... you could SMOKE on the flights! Happy days!

Anonymous said...

The 60's were even better.

Spartan said...

Anon ... if you can remember the 60's you weren't there. :)

Dick Puddlecote said...

I flew to LA with American in 1994 and had a smoking seat. No-one complained, and no-one died.

The plane didn't crash, either.

Reason said...

In the eighties, alcohol was have the price it is today.

Pavlov's Cat said...

Pretty much spot on Dick

Have to take issue though with the Downing street one.

Access by the General Public was stopped by checkpoint and demountable gate in 82/83 with the permanent gates going up in 1989

He's Spartacus said...

In the eighties, we had fun (with or without money), were free, and sucked the marrow out of life without interference.

And since 1997, we've all but had the life sucked out of us.

Dick, I too don't hold out a lot of hope that the Daveistas will turn back the clock, but we surely have a duty to boot this current shower into the wilderness, and an X in the Tory box is the only way of doing that.

Anonymous said...

It's the "Ben Elton/Jeremy Hardy" worldview thing- they can't sjake it off even though it's bollocks. For the Righteous, the 80s were..... Thatch!!. For me the 80s were all about getting a good job after leaving Uni, living in London, getting a 205 GTi, wearing great suits and ties, gigs, discovering new restaurants, meeting a fit posh bird who eventually became the missus, foreign travel and generally having a whale of a fucking time, and barely a hectoring bullying Righteous twat in sight.

If iDave can take us back (which I doubt), bring it on.

Dick Puddlecote said...

Pavlov: Yes, thinking again, it must have been the 70s when Mr P Snr took me to see the place. I was rather in awe at the time, it's shameful how the current bunch have destroyed any respect engendered during centuries of fine minds.

Jeff Wood said...

Actually, it would be a very good idea to go back to the 1980s, knowing what we know now.

The Righteous were hatching their plans then, and we could go round and knock them all off before they got into power.

I voted the same way as Timbone, on the same dates. Very mixed feelings. Never voted since, but probably will this time for the same reasons: to get rid of this shower.

Anonymous said...

O Pleeeeeeeze let me go back... for starters i was in my 30's and having a high old time - all shoulder pads and power dressing. I had a black XR3i aka the totty wagon - the music was great and life was FUN. When did the Puritans come crawling out of the woodwork and decree that life was about quantity rather than quality and decide THEY should tell US how to live?

Anonymous said...

Yes, it's the Righteous' distorted world-view making them unable to accept the hard evidence in front of their eyes. In the same way as to them pubs were smoky cancer-pits full of "common people" (who we know they claim to represent but who they actually loathe) so their smokefree creches are actually great places that are beloved by the people (despite 10% of them closing down because, er, people don't want to go there), Gene Hunt is a misogynistic throwback who represents everything they hate. Hence their linking him to the Tories. Unfortunately, they miss the point that people love the way he speaks his mind, is unhindered by Righteousness and actually gets things done. The fact that Hunt is a popular TV figure is hardly secret knowledge - poll after poll have him rated highly, and in places like the Radio Times, too - hardly secret info.

But then again this is a group who claim that 80% of the public love the smoking ban (I have yet to meet one person in the real world, and only a handful on the Web (and they're always foaming at the mouth nutters), who actually agree with them, so what do you expect?

Anonymous said...

Besides, the 80s were great. Okay TV wasn't as good (Knight Rider, the A Team, Manimal etc vs The Wire, The Sopranos and Curb Your Enthusiam) but Dallas and Dynasty and the like were feelgood TV with a hint of aspiration to them. Bars and pubs were fun places to be; Government just did what Governmnets were supposed to do (ie nick your money to spend on Trident etc rather than nicking armfulls of your money to spend on eco-lies, Socialist claptrap, smoking ban enforcers and generally persecuting the public). Music was dumb, feelgood twaddle that was all about fun and having a party (especially the hair metal I used to listen to) and films too were just big dumb fun - I still remember seeing Aliens, Terminator, Predator and all those types of film come out. The 80s were hardly the most intellectual deacde, but they were fun and we were balanced. AIDS had reared its head and we could have been nuked at any time but did we care? Nope, we were too busy sharking in bars and having fun. Now, even entering a bar means possible contamination with toxic particulates and kids are trainee Hitler youth who are somehow both wholly self absorbed (in a self-harming / I deserve to be famous way) rather than the "good" self-absorption d "Partay!!" I used to have :) whilst also somehow "caring passionately " about the Carbon Dioxide levels of the atmosphere, passive smoke and whatever other junk shit they've had fed into them over the years.

The 80s weren't a great decade, but do you know, not once in ten years did I feel like I was living in a floating concentration camp. I have that feeleing several times a day now. I certainly know where I'd rather be.

Mr A said...

And in the 80s (okay this is 1990) but back then anyway, ASH and their ilk were treated like this and Parliamentarians stood up to them rather than accepting every lie they spouted.

I could watch this video all day long, praying that I could go back to that time, when MPs had brains AND balls and the lying scumbags at ASH were treated like the freedom-hating demented sociopaths that they are.

It also shows how ASH will never, ever change.... They should be outlawed.

Curmudgeon said...

I agree with you, but it has to be said that most people tend to regard the decade they were in their 20s - and thus for the first time able to lead adult lives and make adult decisions - as a kind of golden age against which all subsequent decades are judged and found wanting.