Saturday, 29 May 2010

Eurovision Song Punt Test

I harbour a dirty secret. I quite enjoy Eurovision. Yeah, I know it's hard to defend ... I'm not even gay!

Still, it's one of those nights when we Puddlecotes buy in a massive pizza and marvel at a pan-European spectacle. Well, the kids do anyway, I just judge which singer has the best legs.

Unfortunately, the marking has become a bit of a procession in recent competitions, as I remarked upon, satirically, last year.

Europe was last night celebrating as the entire continent doubled their money.

After two consecutive years of the bookies' favourite walking the Eurovision Song Contest, everyone west of Palestine wised up and filled their boots by voting for who they had backed on border-free online betting sites.

Mehmet Erdogan from Istanbul enthused, "As I not able vote for Turkiye, I vote before for Germany where my brother build houses. Why? He never thank me. This year I take double money Asda price on Bet365, put all bank on Norway, and vote it. Like taking candy from baby."

Dave Smarmy of Reading, UK, thought long and hard before ringing 20 times at 15p per shot, "I weighed up my options carefully.", he revealed, "Do I waste my phone call on judging the songs on their merits? Or do I just see who the bookies favour, tell my mates in the office, prior to the event, that Norway are going to win and I've got my kids' savings on them, then boast about how brilliant and wealthy I am on Monday morning? It's a no-brainer really, isn't it? It's like backing the favourite in the Grand National and then being able to choose who wins".

As champagne corks popped from Riga to Cadiz, betting firms were planning their strategy for 2010.

"We've had a conflab and know how to beat Europe's cheating next year.", insisted Gary Camelcoat of William Hill, "We'll install Israel at odds on next time out. No-one likes them and unless they sing about polar bears like in the 70s or choose another gender bender, we'll suck the stakes up like a Dyson. Hahahaha."

Upon being reminded that those who bet are the judges, Mr Camelcoat responded, "Oh crap! Forgot about that."
On that basis, it's got to be worth a lazy score on the 2010 favourite, this sassy 17 year old from Azerbaijan. 11/4 at Billy Hills will do for me.

If you're tuning in yourself, drop any observations in the comments - I'll be around. Safura is on first.


manwiddicombe said...

You aren't alone in your perverse appreciation of the annual cacophony that is Eurovision.

I've had to listen to it for the last 3 years rather than watching and this year is no exception. Radio 2, 8pm :o)

I recommend you try only listening to it one year while the other Puddlecoats are watching it and then compare your reactions to each song. You might be surprised.

Dick Puddlecote said...

But you can't see legs on the radio, MW? ;-)

Seriously, I guess you're right about a difference in perception. Like everything else, it has morphed into a presentation exercise. It used to be solely about the song.

The Azeris have mounted a huge PR exercise prior to this, apparently!

manwiddicombe said...

I blame Bucks Fizz for that!

Dick Puddlecote said...

You could have a point there.

Spain to sing again because they had a Jarvis Cocker moment. Haha.

Dick Puddlecote said...

Geez - The Ukraine song is a 'think of the chiiildren' climate change plea!

bayard said...

Nice architecture!

Dick Puddlecote said...

Thought so myself, Bayard, though the live leg content was unusually poor by previous standards.

The Puddlecote jury (they do their own scores) have Belgium top.

That's him screwed, then. ;-)

Christopher Snowdon said...

You're tip's not looking too good at the minute, Dick. Serb/Bosnian and Greek/Cyprus love-in still on though, I fancy.

Dick Puddlecote said...

Yep, the Azeris wasted their money it seems, busted by the number one graveyard draw.

The voting is still dream comedy, though.

And Norton is growing into Wogan's shoes ... slowly.

Dick Puddlecote said...

The bookies have made their mind up. Germany 1/25 in-running.

Christopher Snowdon said...

Germany and Turkey doing well. A good night for the Axis powers so far.

Dick Puddlecote said...

I could have done with a good reason to laugh at Pete Waterman in the 80s, this came 20+ years too late.

Stone last.

Dick Puddlecote said...

Well, that was the usual fun. Not the favourite this year ... but the close second fave Lily Allen lookie-sounda-likie.

Anyone for pizza? Loads left here. ;-)

Spartan said...

Sometimes you worry me DP. :)

Anonymous said...

I notice the UK came last again.
That bothers me not.
In fact in a way it's good.
Firstly because all the stuff on it is so bad it's comical ,hence the real reason we watch.
Secondly it clearly illustrates that we are ,really, the most unpopular nation in Europe.
They dont like us.
Why the hell are we in the EU ?
Why are we giving billions 26,000,000,000 aprox. to a bunch of people who are just using us and our contributions to live their mainly corrupt lifestyles ?

Dick Puddlecote said...

Anon: Good questions. This year, we didn't even get our customary friendship points from Malta!

JJ said...

But remember whose songs they play when you go abroad on holiday!